May 1
KN commented on Savage Love.
@50 LateBloomer you hit the nail on the head with "the feeling that your body is being used to meet the physical needs of everyone in your family." I am a high libido, touchy-feely person, but when I was working full time and breastfeeding I did not even have the energy or the inclination to pet the dog, because she was just one more mammal that was demanding my attention.
Apr 3
KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: You're Doing Everything Right.
@26....do you think that every first date leads to sex? Isn't the point of a first date to see whether you want to continue dating the person? And Gamebird was actually suggesting disclosure before a first date.
I am all for timely disclosure of HIV (and other STI) status, and certainly HIV should be disclosed on the first date if the first date is likely to end with sex (even if condoms will be used), but my assumption is that many if not most first dates don't lead anywhere, so there is no need for the HIV+ person to disclose. I doubt that every person with HSV-2 discloses their status on every first date. Why would someone need to share such intimate information with someone they may never see again?
I am all for timely disclosure of HIV (and other STI) status, and certainly HIV should be disclosed on the first date if the first date is likely to end with sex (even if condoms will be used), but my assumption is that many if not most first dates don't lead anywhere, so there is no need for the HIV+ person to disclose. I doubt that every person with HSV-2 discloses their status on every first date. Why would someone need to share such intimate information with someone they may never see again?
Apr 3
KN commented on Savage Love.
People should not overestimate motorcycle safety. According to the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), in 2006, 13.10 cars out of 100,000 ended up in fatal crashes. The rate for motorcycles is 72.34 per 100,000 registered motorcycles. Motorcycles also have a higher fatality rate per unit of distance travelled when compared with automobiles. **Per vehicle mile traveled, motorcyclists' risk of a fatal crash is 35 times greater than a passenger car.**
There is a reason that people who work in emergency medicine sometimes refer to motorcycles as (organ) "donorcycles".
There is a reason that people who work in emergency medicine sometimes refer to motorcycles as (organ) "donorcycles".
Apr 3
KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: You're Doing Everything Right.
@15...Gamebird, do you really think a **first** date is too late to disclose something important to a potential partner? And do you really think it is realistic to expect someone to disclose medical information like their HIV status over an email to someone they have never even met and very well might never have sex with? And how exactly do you "dump" someone after a first date? By definition, don't you have to be dating (which implies plural dates) in order to dump someone? Or does exchanging emails with someone you met online count as dating these days?
Mar 1
KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: Plan Ahead and Plan B.
No fertilized eggs is part of the Campsite Rule.
The dithering about getting Plan B does make me side with the guy on this one. The 30-something LW seems ambivalent about pregnancy, given that she relies on condoms as her only contraceptive method despite having a history of condom failure, and then failed to promptly obtain Plan B when there was a clear indication for it.
I agree with all the other posters who have suggested trying female condoms or alternatively, smaller male condoms given that this seems to be a recurring problem.
The dithering about getting Plan B does make me side with the guy on this one. The 30-something LW seems ambivalent about pregnancy, given that she relies on condoms as her only contraceptive method despite having a history of condom failure, and then failed to promptly obtain Plan B when there was a clear indication for it.
I agree with all the other posters who have suggested trying female condoms or alternatively, smaller male condoms given that this seems to be a recurring problem.
Feb 28
KN commented on Savage Love.
Migrationist @145....I don't have time to do a lit serach but my understanding is that the scientific literature is consistent with your anecdotal experience. In other words, women using highly effective contraception (IUD, pill, shot, implant) are less likely to use condoms consistently than women who are using condoms for contraception as well as STI prevention. There is also good evidence to show that the way people start off their sex life is an important predictor of future behavior (people who use condoms from the beginning are more likely to be consistent condom users than people whose first sexual experience was without condoms).
My take is that every woman is different and needs to decide for herself what her priority is. For women who would have no problem getting an abortion (or having a kid) STI prevention might be a higher priority than pregnancy prevention and they might be comfortable using condoms alone. For some women however abortion (or carrying to term) might seem completely out of the question--these women may feel more comfortable using a highly effective method of contraception as a backup to condoms.
Even though no method is perfect, and we still lack highly effective reversable male birth control, we are pretty lucky to have as many options to prevent pregnancy as we do.
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My take is that every woman is different and needs to decide for herself what her priority is. For women who would have no problem getting an abortion (or having a kid) STI prevention might be a higher priority than pregnancy prevention and they might be comfortable using condoms alone. For some women however abortion (or carrying to term) might seem completely out of the question--these women may feel more comfortable using a highly effective method of contraception as a backup to condoms.
Even though no method is perfect, and we still lack highly effective reversable male birth control, we are pretty lucky to have as many options to prevent pregnancy as we do.
Feb 28
KN commented on Savage Love.
Hi Crinoline,
The only use of the word "average" in my post was to describe sex education, not age of sexual debut. If you reread my post you will note that I wrote "age of sexual debut" rather than "average age of sexual debut." In demography "age of sexual debut" almost always means the median age. In the future I will specify.
I am actually starting to wonder whether French sex ed is really superior to American sex ed given that Sissoucat was not aware of the difference betweeen typical use and perfect use failure rates for contraceptives, and was apparently not aware that condoms can break. Condoms are a great tool for preventing pregnancy and many (but not all) STIs, but we should not oversell their effectiveness. Typical use is just that....what happens typically. Perfect use is pretty rare.
The only use of the word "average" in my post was to describe sex education, not age of sexual debut. If you reread my post you will note that I wrote "age of sexual debut" rather than "average age of sexual debut." In demography "age of sexual debut" almost always means the median age. In the future I will specify.
I am actually starting to wonder whether French sex ed is really superior to American sex ed given that Sissoucat was not aware of the difference betweeen typical use and perfect use failure rates for contraceptives, and was apparently not aware that condoms can break. Condoms are a great tool for preventing pregnancy and many (but not all) STIs, but we should not oversell their effectiveness. Typical use is just that....what happens typically. Perfect use is pretty rare.
Feb 28
KN commented on Savage Love.
Sissoucat: According to the French national demographic institute (assume this is like the Census Bureau in the US) age of sexual debut (typically defined as first PIV) in France is 17.6 for women and of 17.2 for men. This means that half of young people have started having sex before this age. I am not sure at what age students typically start university in France--in the US it is 18. If so then that means that a majority of French high school students are sexually active (or at least, have engaged in sex at some point). I don't doubt that sex education in France is superior to the average sex ed course in the US, but one should not assume that sex ed leads directly to an older age of sexual debut.
Dec 4, 2012
KN commented on New Fathers Wired to Stop Chasing Ass (At Least For a Little While).
@3...how could anyone do a randomized controlled trial of this? I don't think you could get IRB (ethics committee) clearance to randomized some men into fatherhood and others into childless (childfree)-ness. By necessity this type of research has to be observational. At least it was prospective and they were able to demonstrate that the men had higher testosterone before they became fathers. .
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Kids are a joy, and they can strengthen a marriage because the couple now has the most intense, decades-long project to undertake together. But they also cause an incredible shift in priorities, and they don't really care whether you have slept more than four hours in a row for the past year. Unless you are pefectly matched sexually it can take a concerted effort to keep the romance alive.