It's not very popular.

Apr 15 KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: Open Up.
EricaP--I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis of HPV. I have always been so appreciative of the way you openly share your experiences with non-monogamy, both good and bad, in this forum.

I hope you don't mind my asking whether you had been vaccinated, as I seem to remember in some other thread you mentioned that you had been. Do you know whether the strain you have is covered by the vaccine? My understanding is that the immune response in "older" women isn't as good as in adolescents, which is one reason why the vaccine is targeted to girls and young women, but of course there are also many other strains not (yet) covered by the vaccine.

Thanks for being a resource for the 40-something set.
Feb 26 KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: Haters Gonna Hate.
@41 Erica P...I am not sure where you got the idea that condoms weren't effective at preventing gonorrhea. Gonorrhea is transmitted the same way as chlamydia (i.e. by secretions rather than skin to skin contact). You are correct that condoms are less effective at preventing transmission of herpes and HPV.
Nov 13, 2013 KN commented on Savage Love.
Girl, Corrupted is abbreviated to GC which is also the medical shorthand for gonorrhea (from gonococcus, the bacterium that causes the disease).

By coincidence there was a story about contact tracing for gonorrhea by the Spokane county health department on NPR this morning.

Antibiotic resistant GC is a real threat; the CDC had to change its treatment guidelines last year.
Sep 25, 2013 KN commented on Savage Love.
I'm with @16 and @63. I found that post by Andrew Sullivan highly annoying. Having sex with someone of another race does not automatically make you racially tolerant. Men who have sex with women don't magically become feminists after all.
Sep 25, 2013 KN commented on Savage Love.
Albeit @30...I am also a huge fan of intrauterine contraception but please don't oversell the effectiveness of the copper IUD (Paraguard in the US). The statistic you quoted (99.9% effective) was for the rather uncommon situation in which an IUD is used as emergency contraception. For ongoing contraception the failure rate is 0.8% (not 0.1%) in the first year. I think Dan had it right that BABE and his GF either need to avoid PIV or use multiple methods of contraception (potentially including the IUD).
Jul 19, 2013 KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Second Chance.
So sorry for your terrible experience Gun Shy. I agree with Dan and everyone saying you should seek medical care right away. Spotting or bleeding that is not menstruation could be a sign of a sexually transmitted infection or pregnancy as well as trauma. Planned Parenthood would be a great resource if you don't have a gynecologist or nurse practitioner already. Definitely see someone before you attempt vaginal sex again. I also second Dan's advice to take PIV off the menu and stick to oral/manual sex at first. I also like the idea of getting accustomed to vaginal penetration with toys before trying PIV again. Finally, don't be afraid to use plenty of lube, whether with toys or PIV. It might make things a lot more comfortable, especially if you are using condoms (which I hope is the case since this is a new partner). Best of luck!
Jul 18, 2013 KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: Unwitting Sex Tourist?.
@45, 46 and 48, I think the term you might be looking for is "transactional sex" although the term "mercenary" certainly conveys a meaning. Transactional sex occupies that fuzzy middle ground between professional sex work (sex for cash) and a situation in which one partner disproportionately pays for dates. The relationships detailed in the movie Paradise Love (which I have not yet seen) seem to fall into the transactional sex category, since it appears that the women, or at least the protaganist, was unclear about the transactional nature of the relationship, at least at the beginning. Transactional sex can take the form of sex for food, or housing or good grades.

People who engage in transactional sex rarely identify as sex workers. If you ask people in high HIV prevalence community (say in Africa or the Caribbean) whether they sell sex almost all will say no, but if you phrase the question "have you ever traded sex for something you wanted or needed?" many more will answer affirmatively. Condom use is generally high in professional sex work since it is clear to all parties what is going on and both parties perceive that commercial sex carries a high risk of STI/HIV transmission. Condom use is often low in transactional sex situations since one or both parties may believe (or be trying to convince themself) that the relationship is romantic rather than transactional.

Of course, at the end of the day, all sex is transactional on some level...people exchange sex for orgasms, for feelings of intimacy, etc. In the HIV prevention field we typically consider sex transactional when it occurs outside of a primary partnership and the thing being exchanged has a monetary value.

More...
May 1, 2013 KN commented on Savage Love.
@42 wxPDX. I think that open communication is the foundation of a strong marriage, and it sounds like you have that. However, it is easy for communication to break down when kids enter the picture. It is difficult to overestimate the sheer level of exhaustion that comes with the babies/toddlers/preschoolers phase. The opportunity to actually speak to your spouse, uninterrupted and for more than a few minutes, can be a luxury.If you try to have a conversation in bed after the kids are asleep it is likely that one or both of you will fall asleep. Stress about money typically increases when kids arrive, because either one parent has withdrawn from the workforce or the couple is spending a small fortune in childcare.

Kids are a joy, and they can strengthen a marriage because the couple now has the most intense, decades-long project to undertake together. But they also cause an incredible shift in priorities, and they don't really care whether you have slept more than four hours in a row for the past year. Unless you are pefectly matched sexually it can take a concerted effort to keep the romance alive.
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May 1, 2013 KN commented on Savage Love.
@50 LateBloomer you hit the nail on the head with "the feeling that your body is being used to meet the physical needs of everyone in your family." I am a high libido, touchy-feely person, but when I was working full time and breastfeeding I did not even have the energy or the inclination to pet the dog, because she was just one more mammal that was demanding my attention.
Apr 3, 2013 KN commented on SL Letter of the Day: You're Doing Everything Right.
@26....do you think that every first date leads to sex? Isn't the point of a first date to see whether you want to continue dating the person? And Gamebird was actually suggesting disclosure before a first date.

I am all for timely disclosure of HIV (and other STI) status, and certainly HIV should be disclosed on the first date if the first date is likely to end with sex (even if condoms will be used), but my assumption is that many if not most first dates don't lead anywhere, so there is no need for the HIV+ person to disclose. I doubt that every person with HSV-2 discloses their status on every first date. Why would someone need to share such intimate information with someone they may never see again?
 
 

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