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Dec 9, 2012 SamtElvis commented on SL Letter of the Day: Do Monogamous Gay Couples Exist?.
Practically speaking, the problem with non monogamy is that you open the door to comparing your long term partner with your other sexual partners. It's human, because you can't control how you feel, you can only do your best to control your choices (which is hard enough). Also, when allowing sex outside your partnership you have no way of believing that your partner is going to keep your agreement. Sex is a powerful thing--that why so many guys like it so much.
Feb 9, 2012 SamtElvis commented on Gay Men, Monogamy and Joy Behar.
Cheating, let alone sanctioning open cheating (as an open marriage) to avoid cheating and lying, is like taking an alcoholic to an open bar, as a means to cure his alcoholism. Lol! People who have open relationships still engage in “rules” to govern their relationship, but the reality is how can these rules be maintained when EVERYTHING is on the table? Rules like “no kissing on the mouth, always come home at night, only have consensual threesomes” etc. Are you going to vigilantly check that your partner is following both your rules? And how are you going to do that? And is that trust? That sounds more like control to me. The truth is people who cheat, will cheat anyway—that is the whole meaning of the word. People who lie will deceive. Trying to take away the ground rules for what constitutes cheating and lying does not change the reason it occurs to begin with. Think: the alcoholic has an addiction problem (hint: the addiction is alcohol, but the root is a psychological)—the addictive process is the same whether it’s alcohol, food, drugs, cigarettes, sex, bla bla bla.
People who have threesomes, open relationships, and agree to be in a non-committed monogamous relationship have incredibly low self-worth. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that gay men often feel worthless. Homosexuality amongst men is still considered really abhorrent. Gay men are emasculated often in school, frequently by their families and commonly by their neighbours. So of course one is willing to “settle” for any sort of relationship, rather than to be alone. Gay men struggle with monogamy not because men aren’t capable of it—that’s sexist hogwash. The reason is because we don’t “normalize” gay relationships—monogamous gay relationships. People who endorse open relationships equate sex with lust, and not with intimacy. They do not make the connection that it is an exclusive behaviour which is an extension of an emotionally invested bond. When you share your bodies ONLY with each other, and you’re partner’s body becomes an extension of your own, not as a possession but as privilege, there is a connection and a mental grounding which is soooo essential for self-worth and happiness. I’m not saying that monogamy alone makes you happy, but it helps a whole hellofa lot. And I haven’t met a couple or a person yet that endorses open relationships who aren’t miserable and insecure. Sure, correlation doesn’t equal causation but it does make me go “hmmmm.” When all is said and done, monogamy’s a beautiful thing (a thing to be envied), but like all beautiful things it’s a pain in the ass to maintain.
Feb 9, 2012 SamtElvis joined My Stranger Face
Feb 9, 2012 SamtElvis joined My Stranger Face

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