Feb 18, 2012
miracles commented on SL Letter of the Day: One Dilemma & One Success Story.
If somebody actually wants to lose weight, the best way to do it is just to start living a healthier lifestyle and not pay attention to the numbers. If you're eating healthy food in medium portions and you exercise enough- and in ways that you enjoy- then you're going to be healthy. If you have a slow metabolism, in order to be thin you're going to have to eat a very small amount of food and exercise more than normal. But as you do that, your metabolism keeps slowing down, because your body is still in the cave people mindset, where extra fat is a good thing because it means if there's no food, you're less likely to die. So you'll have to keep increasingly eating less and exercising more in order to get/stay smaller. This is obviously unhealthy- eating disorders aren't just dangerous to the skinny.
Nobody here knows about the letter writer's lifestyle. She could be going biking every day and eating healthy meals, and still be large. She might have a bad history with shame and dieting, and has stopped worrying about that because it's the only way not to hate herself all the time. You don't know this person, so shut the fuck up.
As for the letter writer. If you're absolutely sure that you do not want to do this, and if the two of you can't or won't reach a compromise about what you're okay with in order to stay together, it's just not going to work out. There are other people out there, and while a lot of people are more attracted to thinner people, there are people who don't care or who prefer larger partners, AND who want serious relationships. Are you maybe overlooking other fat people to date? Because from what I've seen, fat people generally don't have hangups about dating other fat people.
But if you're not sure if this is something that's actually a hard no, or something that you could be okay with, and you REALLY love this guy, I think you should try it out before you get married. Maybe it's something that seems like a big deal in theory, but isn't that bad in practice. Maybe you'll just find out that it's even worse than you thought it would be. But I think if you're unsure at all, you should do a trial run- not because monogamy is bad or anything, but because if you're this serious about this guy, it's better to know for sure. If you decide not to marry him and you have a dry spell in the future, it'll be better to look back and think "I knew what it would be and I just couldn't do it" than to wonder if it really would have been so bad.
More...
Nobody here knows about the letter writer's lifestyle. She could be going biking every day and eating healthy meals, and still be large. She might have a bad history with shame and dieting, and has stopped worrying about that because it's the only way not to hate herself all the time. You don't know this person, so shut the fuck up.
As for the letter writer. If you're absolutely sure that you do not want to do this, and if the two of you can't or won't reach a compromise about what you're okay with in order to stay together, it's just not going to work out. There are other people out there, and while a lot of people are more attracted to thinner people, there are people who don't care or who prefer larger partners, AND who want serious relationships. Are you maybe overlooking other fat people to date? Because from what I've seen, fat people generally don't have hangups about dating other fat people.
But if you're not sure if this is something that's actually a hard no, or something that you could be okay with, and you REALLY love this guy, I think you should try it out before you get married. Maybe it's something that seems like a big deal in theory, but isn't that bad in practice. Maybe you'll just find out that it's even worse than you thought it would be. But I think if you're unsure at all, you should do a trial run- not because monogamy is bad or anything, but because if you're this serious about this guy, it's better to know for sure. If you decide not to marry him and you have a dry spell in the future, it'll be better to look back and think "I knew what it would be and I just couldn't do it" than to wonder if it really would have been so bad.
Feb 17, 2012
miracles commented on SL Letter of the Day: Lesbian Teen Not Happy With Her Parents—Or With Dan.
POD, if you read this, get a beard. You're probably not the only kid with homophobic parents in your area. Find some gay boy whose parents are trying to get him to like girls, and pretend to be a couple just to get the folks off your back. You can date people you actually like under the cover of being "cured", you'll have someone to talk to about having shitty parents with, and you might even make a new good friend.
Then, when you're no longer in a position when your parents have power over you, come out to them if you want to, and stop bearding.
It's not an ideal solution, but I was in a similar place, and that's what I wish I'd done.
Then, when you're no longer in a position when your parents have power over you, come out to them if you want to, and stop bearding.
It's not an ideal solution, but I was in a similar place, and that's what I wish I'd done.
Feb 17, 2012
miracles joined My Stranger Face
Feb 17, 2012
miracles commented on SL Letter of the Day: Lesbian Teen Not Happy With Her Parents—Or With Dan.
POD, if you read this, get a beard. You're probably not the only kid with homophobic parents in your area. Find some gay boy whose parents are trying to get him to like girls, and pretend to be a couple just to get the folks off your back. You can date people you actually like under the cover of being "cured", you'll have someone to talk to about having shitty parents with, and you might even make a new good friend.
Then, when you're no longer in a position when your parents have power over you, come out to them if you want to, and stop bearding.
It's not an ideal solution, but I was in a similar place, and that's what I wish I'd done.
Then, when you're no longer in a position when your parents have power over you, come out to them if you want to, and stop bearding.
It's not an ideal solution, but I was in a similar place, and that's what I wish I'd done.
The Stranger
RSSSeattle Art & Performance Quarterly
A complete guide to Seattle's current art, film, dance, and theater season.
Facebook
Twitter
"You can see other people" or "I want to see other people" are things that nobody really expects to come from out of the blue. Most people kind of assume it's impossible, whether or not they'd like it to happen. Because of that, you can't be sure about how they're going to interpret it! It's possible he's a controlling douche who wanted to sleep with other people without giving you a free pass. It's also possible that they didn't talk about it very much, and after she was gone he realized he did have a free pass and set out to use it.
This is why people need to talk about these things in detail to make sure that everyone's okay.