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slt_savagefan
UmeƄ Sweden
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Nov 27, 2012 slt_savagefan commented on Savage Love.
Sex toy etiquette:

Why assume the ex was the sub and not the letter writer?

Depends on whether you meet this new gal through the BDSM community. As a freelancing sub, I certainly wouldn't give a rat's ass about "used" restraints. The idea that every new play partner will mean buying all new equipment seems completely ridiculous. As long as it's clean, then who cares. If you're spending your time trying to pervert vanillas and the hypothetical new gal cares, then get rid of it. See commenter 3. If she shares your cravings, then she'll have her own gear or want to buy her own new stuff anyway.

However...getting rid of sex toys (in one form or another) is often an important psychological part of letting go of the relationship. They are not unlike wedding rings, if the bond and/or experiences the toys facilitate were very strong. If you see the toys and get a little weird feeling in your stomach: get rid of them somehow.

If you feel that your relationship with the ex could have ended because she didn't share your kinks (on some level) then it can be a power affirmation to keep the toys as a symbol of coming out as a kinkster.
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Oct 2, 2012 slt_savagefan commented on Savage Love.
Hahaha! Janis from the muppets with a dick might be my dreamgirl! :o)
Sep 18, 2012 slt_savagefan commented on Savage Love Episode 308.
The irony is that one of the guest's stated goals is the promotion of a true discussion. Discussion involves listening...

Big turn off!
Sep 13, 2012 slt_savagefan commented on Savage Love.
Yes, give her a gift-certificate for a good online boutique. Say nothing.
Apr 11, 2012 slt_savagefan updated his or her location.
Apr 10, 2012 slt_savagefan commented on Savage Love.
This first letter got to me. I have been living a version of this dynamic for two years and am finally ready to break it off. Partner crosses boundaries, you tell them that it hurts you, they respond with anger (withdrawal, blame). If you can recognize this pattern as a recurring dynamic and have tried to discuss this dynamic without fruitful outcomes, then bravely face it and DTMFA.

Thanks for posting this letter, it came at the right time for me.
Apr 10, 2012 slt_savagefan joined My Stranger Face
Apr 10, 2012 slt_savagefan joined My Stranger Face
Apr 10, 2012 slt_savagefan joined My Stranger Face
Apr 10, 2012 slt_savagefan commented on Savage Love.
The first letter got to me, as I have been living a version of this dynamic for two years and am finally ready to break it off. Partner crosses boundaries, you tell them that it hurt you, they respond with anger. You are entitled to be angry here What Should I Do! If you can identify other instances of this pattern, and it is a recurring dynamic that face this bravely and get out.
 

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