I don't think my apology was complete. I'd like to correct that now.
I used a very offensive word in my initial comment and I should address that directly. I won't repeat the word, but this blog entry
helps explain why it's so offensive (though it uses a definition I wasn't aware of). When I said I was boneheaded, an ass, that I'd said something stupid and hurtful, that particular word and sentence were what I was referring to. That word is a gross example of slut shaming and I was wrong to use it. It's offensive in any context, but to use it in the context of a shooting in which the murderer targeted exactly the people the word is meant to describe is not just offensive, it's appalling. It's heinous.
I honestly did not intend or grasp the victim-blaming implication of my statement as I was writing it. As I've said, the exchange I was replying to was on the topic of cultural factors -- one commenter pointed to masculine culture, another replied that men are also subject to social pressures. I wrong-headedly weighed in to agree with the latter point (it wasn't relevant), and to share insight into the cultural landscape of the setting of this tragedy.
But my phrasing was ugly, it was morbidly cynical, it was repugnant. There was an anger in my words and realizing that has been a jolting wake-up call. Apparently I was holding on to a considerable amount of bitterness and self-pity, and it spilled out in a strange way in my comment.
Believe it or not I'd like to think that I am a feminist. My comment clearly did not reflect that. This episode has been a learning moment for me and a sobering reminder of my own fallibility.
Perhaps no one will see this comment in such an old thread, but if any women do read this and would like to offer feedback, please feel free to reply.