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Nov 11, 2013 YUUUUUUUP commented on SL Letter of the Day: My Widow's Dog Collar.
Perhaps LW isn't referring to the government when she says "Uncle Sam", but to a real life Uncle named Sam who is a collector of S&M collars.

In that case it would be wise to specify who gets the collar in your will.
May 22, 2013 YUUUUUUUP commented on Savage Love.
I'm now very worried I'm going to get a Facebook message from the bed I had in junior high about the non-consensual wet dreams I had.
May 15, 2013 YUUUUUUUP commented on Savage Love.
"The Path of Porn" was my favorite Lord of The Rings book.
May 10, 2013 YUUUUUUUP commented on Savage Love.
Spends all day playing video games and jerking off. No job. Filthy apartment. It could be clinical depression, but it also sounds a lot like the average life of a 24 year old dude. That's more or less what I was doing at 24. Only difference - I didn't have a wife bringing home money, so I had to work a part time job to pay the very few bills I had ($250/month rent! I miss those days. Except for the part where I had to live with four filthy dudes to pay that little rent).

No relationship is worth working very hard at when you're under 30 and there are no children or major financial entanglements. Chalk it up to a youthful mistake and move on before you have something more serious than a rental lease and memories of "cosmic" sex keeping you together.

May 3, 2013 YUUUUUUUP commented on SL Letter of the Day: Mr. Wonderful.
Summary of letter - "My cancer is PERFECT in every way, except that it's killing me."

Savage Love rule of thumb - the longer the letter the shorter the needed answer. Usually DTMFA.
Jan 9, 2013 YUUUUUUUP commented on Savage Love.
WSOWS, as a straight guy into pegging and trans-porn, I can assure you it's possible to be into these things and not be gay. I've never had sex with a transexual like you did, but I do like to be fucked in the ass with a strap on and regularly watch trans-porn and I am straight. I've never dated or had sex with a man, nor wanted to. Men just don't arouse me.

Why do I, a straight man, enjoy being anally penetrated and watching trans-porn? First, having stuff in my butt just feels good - it makes whatever else is happening feel that much better. Second, the idea of being the object that "gets fucked", instead of the person doing the fucking, is hot to me. I like the dynamic of that power switch, of becoming the one that gets penetrated. The turn on isn't the dick, it's the getting fucked part. When I'm getting fucked with a strap on it's not a substitute for a man fucking me with a dick, it's the fulfillment of my true fantasy - Getting fucked by a woman.

I'm glad I didn't discover my "kink" at age 21, like you, long before I'd started reading Dan Savage, because I probably would have been as freaked out as you, worrying if liking things in my butt "made me gay". Luckily for me, I didn't discover my taste for anal penetration until late in my 20's after I'd been reading Dan Savage for several years (In fact, I discovered it because a SL question about pegging really turned me on ). Discovering the "kink" at that time, as an educated DS reader and with several years of evidence that I was straight, allowed me to just embrace and enjoy my "kink" without having to worry about "what it means".

My advice to you, WSOWS, is to stop worrying about being gay (and make sure your fear isn't stemming from homophobia) and try some pegging. If you liked getting fucked by a trans sex worker, I'm guessing you'll go nuts for getting fucked by a girlfriend you love wearing a strap on.
Dec 5, 2012 YUUUUUUUP commented on Savage Love.
A thought exercise to illustrate the difference between Sexual orientation and Polyamory.

Imagine two people have been sent on a remote expedition to antarctica to study penguin farts (With the Green initiatives, we're looking for ANY form of alternative fuel). The two people will be there alone for a full year and because of the remoteness they will have no visitors or be able to communicate with the outside world. Both are single (The Penguin Fart game requires a lot of work hours, making dating tough).

If the two scientists are, for example, straight males, they will not fall in love, they will not date, and they will not have sex (is it possible horniness/loneliness would drive them to, say, blow each other sometime? Sure, but truly straight, non-closet-case straight men would probably stick to masturbation since it's only a year). The reason they wouldn't date/love/sex is that the other is not the thing that arouses a straight male - a female. Sexual orientation, at it's most basic definition, is about which gender arouses you - the same, the opposite, or both.

Now let's imagine the same scenario but with, just as an example, a straight man and a straight woman and both are poly. Not saying they definitely would, because they might not be attracted to each other, but over the course of the year, this couple COULD date/love/sex, despite there being no physical way for them to act on their polyamory (because, remember, no one else can/will be there). Despite being unable to act on their polyamory, they COULD still be aroused by each other, even though there is no chance of multiple partners.

To me that is the difference - sexual orientation is about physical arousal, while polyamory is about much more. A lot of this argument is about whether the word "orientation" should be used, but to me the trick word is "sex". Polyamory, as most poly's I think would agree with (I'm not one), is not strictly about sex. If it were, being polyamorous would mean one who could only be aroused by group sex. To me, perhaps a correct term would be to call polyamory a "love orientation". I still think "orientation" is proper, as I do believe polyamory is innate and compelling, just like sexual orientation, but Polyamory is about who/how you love more then it's strictly about who arouses you, which is what sexual orientation defines. Sex is a part of love, but it's not the whole thing (A non-manogomous person isn't necessarily poly and a poly doesn't have to be non-monogomous).

All of this is by no means intended to unsubstantiated being poly or say they deserve less respect or imply that it's a "choice". Fuck who you want, as many people as you want, how you want, and screw anyone that gives you flack for your choice.
Oct 15, 2012 YUUUUUUUP commented on SL Letter of the Day: Nonmonogamous Blues.
While I think there is plenty of grey area in the husband's actions (I'd lean more towards "A dishonest and probably short term solution, but possibly the best one for now" than CPOS, but that's me...) I'm surprised about the negative comments towards Celestia.

I understand the concept of "if no one dated a cheater, there'd be no cheaters," but I think Celestia is doing very little wrong. In fact, I think she's a best case scenario for this guy and his family. Let's assume he was going to find sex somewhere (and as countless priests/congressmen/pastors have proven, men tend to find the sex they want no matter the consequences) then Celestia is perfect as someone who won't be a "home wrecker" because she doesn't want a serious relationship. It may not be "win-win" but it's at least "win-kinda-win-at-least-for-now".

Sep 21, 2012 YUUUUUUUP commented on Savage Love.
I went to Burning Man for the first time this year. As a single 31yo straight male I thought (hoped) that sex would be a large part of my experience, but it wasn't. I became so enthralled in my camp and the art and the dancing and, yes, the drugs, that sex wasn't something I was actively seeking out. I discovered that just as I don't like hook up culture at home, I didn't love it there. I like knowing the people I sleep with. At Burning Man sex can be had more easily than in every day life, you still do have to seek it out. It's not just one big pile of hippies fucking each other (for better or worse). I had several partnered friends, some there with their partners, some alone, and they had no problem not having sex. There's so many other things to be doing at Burning Man it almost seems like a waste to be having sex - you can do that back home, and in a bed after showering.

On a side note (and to brag), I did finally have sex on the last day, with a camp mate I'd been friends with all week. She came back to my home in LA for three days after burning man where we had nonstop unbelievable GGG sex. She said one of her big attractions to me was my openness and honesty when it came to communicating about sex and relationships, which I entirely attribute to being a savage love reader (she is now a fan as well). Thank you Dan for getting another one of your readers laid!

Jul 23, 2012 YUUUUUUUP commented on SL Letter of the Day: Who Comes First.
An over-demanding, territorial, irrational, person that demands to be seen EVERY Sunday and reacts spitefully when they're disobeyed? Is FL's "ex" Jesus?