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Nov 12, 2014 MarquisDesMoines commented on Savage Love.
RE: Burners. Yes, Dan is almost certainly talking about people into the "burning man" style scene. Although it's worth pointing out that there are many, many other "burns" (smaller Burning Man like events) throughout the country. Burners are typically derisively compared to hippies (especially by other burners) but I've found that it's sort of a modern weird amalgamation of hippies, bikers, veterans and raver cultures while being separate from all of the above. Feel free to do some more research on the interwebs.

But TIL that I'm a stereotype. A poly burner. I can live with it :)
Feb 18, 2013 MarquisDesMoines commented on Meanwhile On My Mantle.
Gah, I seem to be dealing with similar conversations this whole week. What's it with creative people turning out to be rabid bigots?

For example, the author of Ender's Game who is a huge homophobe and vocal supporter of Prop 8, recently got signed on to do a series of Superman comics. Now a bunch of my gay supportive geek friends have been debating in any way supporting this guy's work. Does the bigotry of the artist irreversibly taint the art?

I fell on the side of yes at the beginning. I'm a fan of Black Metal music and I take a real effort to avoid any groups that support Neo-Nazi movements or ideologies (it's a small but annoying vocal part of the genre). I don't want my money going to movements that make this world worse.

However my friends argued that to completely isolate bigots does not cure their bigotry. Also, it can become unwieldy to navigate the cultural landscape while maintaining constant attention to the sympathies of those you encounter.

I'm still not sure what my position on the issue is but based on that article and the comments section the guy sound like a total fucking tool. Unless he has some friends good enough to pull him out of the sewage he's immersed himself in he will only serve to taint others who associate with him.
Jan 10, 2013 MarquisDesMoines commented on Savage Love.
I think Dan's answer to LW1 was spot on. I understand that he could've perhaps touched on the whole "i'm gay = suicide" thing a little more. But his message his clear:
Being gay is fine (do people seriously think Dan has issues with it?!), but chances are you are not gay. By freaking out about being gay you are being stupid.
LW1 just seems to be dealing with internalized homophobia, and I really doubt Dan tearing into him (like some have suggested) would have done any good. The guy knows to some degree he's being stupid, and I doubt that he would have sought out Dan's advice if he was consciously homophobic. He just had his first taste of something 'queer' and is having emotions he wasn't expecting. He didn't phrase his letter welll but we can't all be enlightend sexual being such as ourselves now can we?
Jan 10, 2013 MarquisDesMoines commented on Savage Love.
@93 - The issue here isn't that LW1 didn't consent to the sex. He admits that he'd been thinking about TS women for awhile, and had the wherewithal to hire one. And he has no problem admiting that a lot of the stuff he did he was (and still is) perfectly fine with. As for the actual anal sex, we don't know quite what happened there. I don't think that his worker would've started fucking him apropos of nothing. LW1 doesn't even claim that it wasn't consensual. It was consensual then, but he feels bad about it now. Big difference.
Dec 14, 2012 MarquisDesMoines commented on SL Letter of the Day: It's Not Adultery.
I think Dan's basically right. There's one other factor to consider though, and that's the "crazy" factor. And just to be clear I'm not saying "Oh, all womenfolk are crazy" just that there are people who are crazy enough to use things like cheating to gain power over other people. Maybe her b/f is the insanely jealous type who may become violent (towards you) if he were to discover her cheating. She lets this slip to you after you've done the deed, and now she has that hanging over your head.
The above example was the situation a friend of mine found himself in, and while such things can be long shots they do happen. Check to see if she has some screws loose before you hop into bed with her.
Dec 5, 2012 MarquisDesMoines commented on Savage Love.

Sorry if the men in your life have abused your trust in a poly style relationship. Ok, now that that's out of the way, fuck right the fuck off.
So your non-monogamous relationships with women are toally cool, but when a man has non-monogamous relationships with other women it's automatically philandering?! Double standard much? Way to by into the false social narrative that people in a non-monogamous relationship are being "used." Don't let your own bad experiences with non-mongamy compleatly blind you to relationships that don't meet your pre-defined standards.
Dec 5, 2012 MarquisDesMoines commented on Savage Love.
Gah, what the fuggin' hell?
Ok, so I personally am a heteroflexible man who has ever since adolescence pictured myself eventually in some poly style relationship. All of my serious relationships have involved a poly aspect with severely differing degrees of success. I am currently in a non-monogamous relationship with a woman I consider to be the love of my life whom I intend to marry (while still keeping things open to some degree).
I really really don't consider it an "orientation" in the way that GLBT's are. It is a spectrum of it's own that interacts in many different ways with the gay/straight spectrum, but it is not the same thing as a gay/straight identity. If I find someone attractive it's not necissary for me to have a potential 2nd person to be attracted to. My attraction and romantic decisions are not based on how many people I am or am not involved in.
It's not a requirement that I have 2 or more potential partners at any time. I know given my proclivities and personal desires that such a sittuation will likely arise, but it doesn't feel "wrong" for me to be involved with just one person for a period of time. Whereas it would likely feel "wrong" for a gay man to be in a romantic relationship with a woman.
I'm not quite sure what to classify the monogamy/poly scale as, but it doesn't strike me as being the same (or even similar) to the homo/hetero scale. They are each aspects of our sexuality we have to discover for ourselves.
Nov 5, 2012 MarquisDesMoines commented on A Recommended Reading.
Wow, this post really brought out the trolls/bigots.
What I find facinating is how the arguments against gay marriage so perfectly mirror those used against interracial marriage. It was believed that when white women (and the concern was almost always about 'protecting women') had the chance to marry other races then there would never be a same-race marriage again. Our children would become "confused" because if there wouldn't be strict definitions of black, white or latino anymore. God is clearly against interacial marriages in the OT, and how could we ignore god's word? And above all, it just seems so "icky" to some and how could we force such a thing on them?
These arguments have failed before and they will fail again. The generations who held onto segregation are on the path to extinction (although are clearly still present and trying to make more new converts) and the anti-gay crowd will be taking the same path before long.
Oct 25, 2012 MarquisDesMoines commented on Log Cabin Republicans Endorse Romney—Can I Get Away With Calling Them House Maggots?.
Here's what I don't get. Why be a gay Republican when Libertarians are a group that exists. They have similar economical views to the repubs, but they have a pretty strong history of supporting gay rights. Gary Johnson was "out" for supporting gay marriage before Obama even. I'd be voting Libertarian myself if the race wasn't so close (no way I want that turd Ryan anywhere near the White House). LCR and GOProud have no excuse other than the most vauge hopes of "changing things from the inside." There really is no way that the GOP will risk loosing it's support of social conservatives (at least not for another decade). So gay repub's will just remain a tool of their's to claim they aren't raving bigots. "See? I don't hate fags. Look at my gay friend over there in the corner."
Oct 11, 2012 MarquisDesMoines commented on SL Letter of the Day: Nonmonogamous Blues.
Couple of thoughts. The simpler one being that maybe she had a significant other and figured that you'd have a multual blackmail (for lack of a better term) thing going if you did have sex. If your wife is cool with it, then what does she (the co-worker) have to hold over your head if you screw her over or piss her off?
Secondly, I've heard of this kind of thing from multiple married guys (I think Dan has another letter from a guy in a similar sittuation). I also have known women who will ocassionally make a married guy their "target" and go after him with gusto. All I can think is that it must be an ego thing.
Note: I'm not trying to be sexist. I've just really only experienced this kind of thing with women seeking married men. The men I know might continue flirting with a woman after finding out she's married but they don't seek out married women. I wonder if there is any trend of this sort in the queer community?