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DrVanNostrand

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May 21 DrVanNostrand commented on SL Letter of the Day: Did You Think I Was Going To Tell You Not To Come Out? (PLUS: Help Free Kate!).

@79 - I'd nullify the shit out of this case. Of course, my willingness to exercise that right would likely prevent me from ever being chosen for a jury.

May 17 DrVanNostrand commented on SL Letter of the Day: Living Discomfortably.

@32
That's some serious bullshit. This dude would be a predatory douchenozzle regardless of the gender of the young roommate. I have a female friend who lived in a similar situation with a significantly older divorced dude for several years. It was just fine. The difference: he was an actual friend, not a piece of shit, harassing, predator.

May 15 DrVanNostrand commented on Savage Love.

@111 - As a guy that grew up in the porn bonanza of the internet age, I'm deeply skeptical that this is a huge, widespread problem. Neither my male, nor my female friends complain about it, and anecdotes and complaints about sex and relationships are common topics of conversation. I've definitely heard complaints from friends about guys trying crazy porn shit, though.

May 14 DrVanNostrand commented on Savage Love.

I'm just saying that 13 is a pretty normal age for a kid to be starting to show an interest in porn and naked women, and that Playboy is about the most innocuous thing she could hope for. Her "all naked women = porn = horrific exploitation" line of reasoning is almost certain to be counterproductive.

May 14 DrVanNostrand commented on Savage Love.

BBTB: If you don't buy him the Playboy, he will definitely find a way to access internet porn. If you do, there is a small chance he might not. Either way, when he goes off to live in a college dorm, the blistering internet speeds will give him a porn bonanza, limited only by the number of hours his roommate is absent.

May 1 DrVanNostrand commented on NBA Player Comes Out: "I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay.".

@19,25,32
You may want to consult a doctor, because a stick appears to be lodged so deeply in your ass that it can only be removed surgically.

Apr 24 DrVanNostrand commented on SL Letters of the Day: A Selection of Second Opinions.

@2
In any obvious DTMFA situation on the blog/column, there may always be another side to the story or some mitigating factor which makes the other partner not so bad. However, his letter makes it obvious that the relationship is irreparably broken. A bunch of strangers on a blog probably won't be enough to push him to do what he needs to do, but it can't hurt.

Apr 10 DrVanNostrand commented on SL Letter of the Day: Kiddie Porn Catch 22.

@27
I hate all rape, all rapists, and all rape apologists. Anyone who doesn't is a real piece of shit.

Kiddie porn enthusiasts deserve contempt, but no one deserves rape. I can't believe this needs to be pointed out to you.

Apr 9 DrVanNostrand commented on Advice Cop: A Clear Case of DTMFA.

@27
You're right, it's not a "crime". No one is suggesting she be forced to do anything. However, if you withhold sex for stupid, petty reasons (in this case shaming with a side of homophobia), you're the MF in DTMFA.

@28
I do think she's being abusive. Saying "I don't want to play with your butt" is good communication. The namecalling, shaming, and homophobia is abusive. There are perfectly reasonable ways to discuss her feelings. She did not use them.

Apr 8 DrVanNostrand commented on Advice Cop: A Clear Case of DTMFA.

Agree with venomlash. He should also suggest putting a buttplug in himself before they have sex. If the fact that she doesn't have to do the penetrating makes her more comfortable, that would be a good sign. If the mere thought of his anal stimulation is too much for her... not a very good sign.