Oct 24, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 311
@28 I, too, was shocked to hear Dan dismiss the friend's allegations of abuse out of hand. So much so that I stopped listening.
Dan, that was irresponsible. You might want to read the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft to get a better understanding of what you're talking about. You know, your advice may not be binding arbitration, but you are a person that many people listen to, so you may want to take the time to get informed so that you don't say idiotic things that can do actual damage to people - like supporting abusers' points of view and dismissing their victims experience.
Oct 18, 2012
commented on Savage Love
Yay! A follow-up with the original letter writer! I love an epilogue.
It's not easy to break up with someone... attachment can be a strong feeling that keeps unsuitable partners together too long. I admire LIFE for making a difficult decision. Respect is essential.
Oct 10, 2012
commented on Savage Love
Random Lez, @36, yes.
Only two letters today! I do hope Dan reverses his advice to lie about being pregnant. Doing so would hurt the letter writer's relationship and reputation.
Sep 17, 2012
commented on The Column In Question
I thought the last sentence of your original advice was over-the-top, actually: "If you're not willing to do those things, PTSD, then stop emotionally assaulting your husband and put both your marriage and him out of their misery."
To me, the way you used "emotionally assaulting" looks like you're equating what the LW is doing to her husband with the sexual assault that she suffered. I don't think the two actions are comparable, and I think that is a pretty shitty thing to say to someone who just suffered a sexual assault. While being a victim of an assault doesn't entitle anyone to hurt others, I think that when someone is still reeling from something like that, a little gentleness is in order.
I do agree with urging her to see a counselor.
Sep 13, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Mother of All Mixed Signals
It feels so bad to be sexually rejected by a partner who won't let you go elsewhere to find the sex you need. I wish we lived in a culture where SLUT isn't automatically labeled "the bad guy" because she cheated.
I'm glad Dan offered her a supportive message.
Sep 5, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Less Face and More Fuck
@23 I concur!
@12, try to tell a man exactly how to fuck you and see how you fare. Their egos are too fragile to take direction, more often than not. And men can be total withholders and deniers of sex, in my sad experience. If you're a man who fucks on command, When and How, well how lucky for the women in your life.
Aug 7, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Straight Husband's Fascination With Penises
@23, Yeah - sounds like a chicks-with-dicks situation (which Dan says is a straight thing, not a gay thing) that morphed into a general taste for penis.
With two young children and a satisfying sex life, I'd like to know a lot more before suggesting divorce.
But if she's into old-school monogamy and it turns out that her husband isn't... sounds like basic incompatibility.