Aug 16, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hungover and Hurt
Any penetration without consent is rape.
If that penetration happened on the first date, in a 5 year relationship or 30 year marriage.
And yes, Hungover and Hurt is right to feel violated.
She did not give consent.
But is her partner a sexual predator, an abusive monster, or otherwise a threat to this women and women everywhere?
H&H really needs to talk to her partner about this.
I have had instances in which I was not in the mood for anal but did not express this, offering vaginal intercourse and assuming that during the heat of the moment my sex partner would follow along.
At least two times, during hot-steamy-totally-consensual-rough-sex, I ended up, very accidentally, poked in the butt when I didn't want to be. (Someone asked if this is possible: if there is enough of a lady's natural lubrication down there, a misdirected boner can slip in to the asshole - but without prepping it is not pleasant.)
The yelp that followed was enough for my partner to stop. In these instances, my partner always checked with me before continuing. I never considered these incidences a violation because my partner put everything on hold when he realized the slip up and made his respect for me and my feelings a priority over sex.
I cannot honestly say how I would feel if a sex partner simply stopped without checking in on me. But I don't think I would wait very long to discuss what-the-hell-just-happened.