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Oct 7, 2013 AndiPants commented on The Lying Disease.
People like this horrify me -- in part for a very personal reason (my daughter and I have an uncommon genetic connective-tissue disorder, and we do belong to some chronic-illness blogs specific to our condition, and I have a friendslocked personal blog.)

I've maintained the same online presence since the 90's, and I have a lot of friends (in-person and online) who have known me since then, but even so, sometimes I've worried that the number of medical mysteries, frightening symptoms, and (recently, due to my daughter's cardiac complications) financial issues are the exact same things that raise red flags about Munchausen's.

Thankfully, I can rest assured that (a) I'm telling the truth, and (b) we have enough medical records to choke a horse -- not to mention the fact that some of the symptoms are quite visible.

But, yes -- as I've gone from a relatively-carefree professional with an active social life who loves to dance, to now being a wheelchair user who doesn't leave the house much except for doctor's appointments (my spinal issues have gotten to the point that I need surgery before I can drive again) . . . online support groups have been INCREDIBLY necessary and have provided valuable medical information at times (when you have a poorly-understood disorder, you need to become your own expert), and actually enabled me to avoid a scheduled medical treatment that would have probably caused more damage, for example (don't give cortisone shots to someone with faulty collagen, because it accelerates tissue degeneration!)

I've been scammed a couple of times -- not by medical fakers, but by "friends" with life drama that eventually collapsed into a web of lies. I'm not sorry that I supported them when, to my knowledge, they needed it -- I'd rather err on the side of compassion.

Illness fakers, on the other hand, do actual damage to people who *genuinely* are suffering from that disease -- drawing help/funds/attention away from the genuinely needy/deserving, making people skeptical of online health claims so that they don't WANT to help for fear of being scammed, creating distrust of people with "invisible" illnesses that are nonetheless disabling, and -- cruelest of all -- creating situations like the pregnant widow @93, driven away from two separate support boards for grieving spouses because her circumstances were "unbelievable."

While I'd like to see these people get the help they need, it's frightening to realize just how little the psych professions know about how to genuinely "cure" both sociopathy and factitious disorders, and that -- aside from imprisonment -- there's very little to stop them from ditching their old online identities and just starting over again somewhere else.

Scary stuff -- and fantastic article, Cienna!
Jan 18, 2013 AndiPants commented on Savage Love.
Yeah, the common term (among poly and non-poly people who I've encountered) is "triad" -- I've only heard "throuple" (which makes me want to throw up a little -- it sounds like a bit of vomit in the mouth) from cutesy straight female writers who think they're being daring in discussing *OMG CONSENSUAL NONMONOGAMY" in a breathless tone like it's just been invented.

(I am a bi woman who is part of an FFM triad, fwiw.)

However, I'm not a gay man -- is this common parlance in your circles, Dan? I'm fairly active in the in-person and online poly circles, and "triad" and occasionally "trio/threesome" are the terms I see in use. "V/Vee" would be a 3-person relationship where one person is involved with 2 others, but they aren't involved with each other.

I use "triad" and think a threesome is something you DO, not something you ARE (it's 3 people fucking, but not necessarily 3 people dating -- and plenty of triads aren't into threesome sex.) With that said, if that's the term that someone else is happy/comfortable with, more power to 'em.

Gay male poly people -- is "triad" or "throuple" the term you use most?
Sep 11, 2012 AndiPants commented on Savage Love Episode 307.
I'm a huge fan of Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up" -- I wince when I see people recommending "The Ethical Slut" as something for NON-open/poly people to read in order to understand how open/poly relationships work, because it tends to focus only on one type of open relationship (the intimate-network kind), and its focus on "You need to own your own feelings!" has sometimes been used by people who are being selfish cockbags to tell their partners, who are justifiably upset by the selfish cockbag actions of their partner, that "Their feelings are their own to deal with."

Not exactly an ideal primer, in my opinion. Conversely, "Opening Up" goes over a LOT of different ways of being monogamish/open/poly/polyfidelitous/etc., doesn't espouse a One True Way of dealing with relationship structures or emotional issues, and is, in my mind, both a good gift to give to a partner who you'd like to talk about being in a non-monogamous relationship with, or to a friend who wants a better understanding of just how the hell a triad (or whatever) relationship works.

Seconding the recommendation for the Polyamorous Misanthrope!
Sep 11, 2012 AndiPants joined My Stranger Face
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Sep 11, 2012 AndiPants joined My Stranger Face