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Apr 29 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
Is 62 old? I have a friend who will be 60 next month - her kids are just starting out in college, she looks great, barely a wrinkle on her face, good body, and a very active sex life w/her husband (who from all accounts can't keep his hands off her - and he's 5 years younger). I have no doubt that if she were single and out there she'd find plenty of men of all ages who would be interested. Maybe not guys in their 20s, but 30s for sure!
Apr 15 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@rowing at dawn: I’m not saying trans women or men are required to have surgery. I’m saying that for many, many people, trans is not something understood all that well and to those people, your genitals should line up w/you gender – people don’t get it otherwise. Is it fair? No. Is it something that can hopefully one day change? Sure. You’re right – many here are making the assumption that Connie has male genitals. Maybe she does and maybe she doesn’t. However, from the sound of the letter, she probably does; otherwise I don’t know that LW would be so freaked out that people know he was sleeping w/her. People hear you’re sleeping w/a woman w/a penis the automatic thought is “wow, I didn’t know John was gay! He must be, as he’s having sex w/a penis.” If Connie didn’t want to be a secret, she needed to put that out there to LW from the beginning. Yes, she was a lovelorn fool like so many others who write in to this column. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some responsibility towards how the relationship turned out. He says he “figured out” she was in love with him. If she didn’t tell him – again, her responsibility to be honest about her feelings and what she wanted from him and the relationship. And I think you made quite a presumption yourself to assume that STUNG was sleeping w/others on the side. Maybe he was. Maybe it was not an exclusive relationship. Maybe Connie had other partners too. A brief letter to an advice column leaves out too many details for us to know exactly what happened between them for 4 years. Connie was wrong in outing him, he should move on, she should move on, and he needs to be honest about with himself about what he wants in a future relationship as well as honest about his past relationship w/Connie to any new partners.
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Apr 15 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
Sorry, but I disagree about Mr I'm a Nice Guy and Connie. First of all, he said Connie has been contacting him and he's ignored her, so for those saying "leave her alone" - he is. Secondly, she allowed herself to be kept his secret - as Dear Abby always says, no one can take advantage of you w/o your permission. If she didn't like it, she could have left. And finally - most likely he grew up believing that if you have sex w/a penis you are gay or at least bi. Definitions have changed, sexuality has become more ambiguous - but for most people, if a guy is sexually active w/a dick, he's gay or bi. Dick can belong to another guy or a trans girl, but piv makes "straight" sex and p/p makes "gay" sex. You don't have to like it and can work to change that definition, but for now that's the way it's generally seen. And if you are a chick-w-a-dick, you are, to most people, a guy playing dress up. Unless you are truly familiar w someone who is trans, your definition of a "true trans" is "have you had genital surgery?" Because if you are a guy w/a vag or a girl w/a dick, you are not really a guy or a girl - girls have vaginas and boys have penises and getting people to understand that's not always the case will take decades!. So yeah, lw thinks this is something to hide, it's kinky, whatever - because it's not the norm and it sounds like that's what he's striving for.
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Dec 24, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
My 19 year old son is 5'2". His high school girlfriend was 5' 4". He's single now but seems to have girls who are interested flocking around him in college. Granted, it's not always easy and I worry about his height affecting him in the long run, but he's a great kid, lots of friends (most of whom are 6' and taller!), athletic, good personality, and since there is nothing he can do about his height, he just ignores it. Rather than online dating, where you are immediately judged by looks and stats, join a group or take a class- bookclub, bowling, hiking, cooking - you never know who you will meet! One thing I can suggest (not to sound racist, but) - Asian and Jewish women tend to be shorter (I'm 5' 2.5" and the tallest of most of my friends!)...
Nov 19, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I'm a mom of two grown kids, never in my life have I heard of dropping a 5 yr old at a babysitter's house. She's a kid who probably is in bed by 8 or so, better to get a sitter and go to a hotel. Aren't most sitters teens?! Those here suggesting daytime kink, doesn't the couple have to work?
Sep 3, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
It is easier said than done to walk away from a marriage, but I agree w/Dan's blog poster who said "if you have to lie before a marriage, then don't get married." For SNAP, that's a moot point. But he needs to say to her "look, I love you but I can't live like this. I think we have issues that a therapist can help with. Please come with me to see someone." If she says no, then she obviously is not vested enough in the marriage and he can walk. If she says yes, then hopefully the therapist (a woman, doubt she'd trust a man) would let her know that porn is not inherently bad nor does porn watching make you a pedo. Also, she needs to know that yelling at her husband in public is never ok.

As for the guy w/no sex life, again, it's easier said than done to tell your spouse you want an open marriage, but he needs to instead of cheating (which is never ok, IMO) or he needs to get out.
Aug 20, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@42 - "slash" may have started as a way to refer to gay fan fiction, but has grown to mean, for many people, just basically gay romance - but usually written by and for women, and abbreviated m/m. I've only ever read a couple of m/m fan fiction stories - most of what I read about two guys are published works.
Aug 20, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@18: The M/M group on Goodreads has over 15,000 members, it is one of the largest group on the site. I read a ton of M/M fiction, often w/a GFY (gay for you) slant to it. I don't think most straight men fall in love w/their straight BFF and live happily ever after, I never really thought the books I read featuring 2 (or 3 or 4) guys together are factual anymore than any romance I read is factual. But while lesbian literature holds no appeal to me (or many other women - it is a woefully underrepresented sub genre in romance), there are tons and tons of m/m books written by and for women (see Japanese Yaoi books) - some features teens or college kids just coming out or in their first relationship, some are paranormal (shape shifter and vamps)some are historical (so forbidden!), some are m/m/f (permanent ménage), some are bdsm, etc. They can be sweet, sexy, funny, angsty, incredibly hot. To me they are just another aspect of romance. I've definitely gotten a few of my girlfriends into reading them as well.
Aug 20, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I read "disown" and I don't think of money - I think of cutting off any relationship, which is something many women are not willing to do with their parents.
Apr 16, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I've never understood people like LW1 - your bf is a jerk. He makes you feel bad about yourself and your life before him - why do you want to hold on to him? They say women marry (or date) men hoping they will change; men marry (or date) women hoping they will never change - both are usually disappointed. He's not going to change, so get out while you can!
 

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