Jun 26, 2015 alion commented on Up Early for the Supreme Court—Marriage Decision Could Come Today or Monday.
Beautiful beautiful day--and thank you, Dan Savage, for being such a prominent and effective voice for equality over the years. I truly believe your work made this day come sooner than we ever expected.
Apr 28, 2015 alion commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Photo Play.
#61 has it in the first line. You don't just give away your partner's intimate items. As I said before, I'm hugely tolerant and have far less issues with jealously than the men in my life have had--so I'm not coming from a narrow perspective. But there is a balance involving context and consideration that makes it all work. I'm monogamish and have never had a problem with my partners have sex or being in love with someone else. But if my husband took my favorite dress (and I don't have but one) and gave it to his girlfriend, or a pair of earrings...that would feel as if I was being taken advantage of and my feelings were secondary to pleasing someone else. If he had asked and there was a level on which I knew my feelings were being considered in the matter, I would probably let her borrow it. All about the sense of consideration. So the dildo? It was about them as a couple, and he should have known it. He should have known it. She sounds as if she is pretty tolerant within the agreement of their marriage--sounds as if he was taking advantage of that tolerance. Maybe he isn't a wholesale jerk--people make mistakes--but now start being nicer to your partner. And her emotional connection in the past that some here are referring to as if it's the same? You can't help who you get crushes on, just as you can't help who you lust after. In my opinion there is no point in blaming your partner for such things. It's how you handle yourself that matters, Yeah I called him a jerk, above. But maybe he isn't. Maybe he is a normally good guy who took advantage of what he perceived is his wife's fairly broad minded attitude (she would have been open to less traditional relationship--he was the one that wasn't). So considering that, of course she feels hurt. And I've nothing against porn--but there truly is a difference between erotic dress up photography and the hard core stuff described. Not a blurry line. Talk about it first, dude. Maybe you crossed a line but that normally you are a thoughtful guy. Just talk about it--and don't hold your partner to standards you yourself don't want to keep (I have a hard time believing him asserting he wouldn't mind if she was the model in similar photography, given what she said about him being closed to many of her early suggestions)

Context and sensitivity. Grow those muscles and you might earn yourself a lot more latitude. As a woman, those things make all the difference to me. Not much is out of bounds if I trust my partner to use a developed emotional IQ.
Apr 27, 2015 alion commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Photo Play.
Dan--Like what every one else is saying. You got this wrong. And this comes from a longterm non-monogamous woman who is very tolerant of what the guys in my life do -- but my guys aren't jerks.We all may have issues from time to time--but I don't date jerks.. It takes consideration and a bit of sensitivity LONG TERM to keep a healthy relationship of any type on track-- and fuck yeah it feels like a huge violation that he took her dildo. And holy shit--he gives her hell for years for her emotional attachment to someone else then tries to twist the logic to justify himself?. It gets damn hard to live with selfish, inconsiderate hypocrisy in the long run. As an aside--women get so much of the rap for supposedly being less likely to want non-monogamy--but in my experience the guys I know (even the good and fair minded ones) have such a double standard on this. They want it for themselves but they are the ones with jealousy issues. They want it for themselves, but struggle facing the idea of the same freedom for their wives/girlfriends. Yeah--I know--not ALL guys. But that's my experience and that's what I hear from a lot of my friends. So...that's the twist on "guys are more into non-monogamy". For themselves they are, but they aren't always for their wives. Love you Dan. But consideration is just as important as someone having the freedom to get their kicks.
Oct 22, 2014 alion commented on A Restaurant Recommendation for a Vegan Human and a Gluten-Free Individual Who Wish to Dine Together on Capitol Hill, Fremont, or Downtown, But Not at Plum, Capitol Cider, or Cafe Flora.
Araya's new restaurant on Madison is beautiful and staff lovely . The food is wonderful. The older U district location on Ave is also fabulous.
Jun 7, 2014 alion commented on About That Hate Crime I Committed at University of Chicago.
Dan, those of us who have really listened to you throughout the years know you as someone who has uncommonly sophisticated thinking and who frames debate/advice with nuanced and contextual perspective. The style of this type of knee jerk attack on you (and on others) feels too much like right wing religion. Hugely judgmental and a rushing to call everyone a sinner. There seems to be way too much emphasis and joyful outrage on finding sinners and pinning scarlet letters on people. It didn't' matter what you said--there's a prejudgment and an agenda. Prove you aren't a sinner--float or drown. Can't win. It is so destructive and this type of tactic gets mirrored in supposedly opposite positions. But it's the same. It's like being in church with where you cannot win--instead of constructive listening, it's damn you to hell.
Oct 1, 2013 alion commented on State Health Insurance Exchange Websites Overwhelmed on First Day of Obamacare.
Careful-- there's at least one look alike site called Washington Health Plan finder (same name as the official site--URL looks official, too)--it's an insurance agency, but I know people who landed there today and thought it was the official exchange.
May 28, 2013 alion commented on American Savage Comes Out Today.
Congratulations!! So looking forward to the read! You are amazing and we do love you. Take care of yourself on the road . Try to get enough sleep so you don't get sick and have to limp from town to town. We'll be watching you.
Apr 22, 2013 alion commented on You Don't Know Either, Amanda Palmer.
I like her. Just saying so in the 30 seconds I have to spare before moving on.
Mar 5, 2013 alion commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sample Sizes.
Yeah, Dan. Though I think it's great your advice to incorporate the vibrator and also that you explain that tongues can get tired--I think you blew it by not spending much language on supporting this woman against her boyfriend's protests that pretty much attempt to justify a long trend of him taking and her not getting--and of him guilt tripping her because his other girlfriends could get off. You said you were busy so maybe you just blew past it--but I expected a little more here as I think had it been a guy complaining you would have talked more about the selfish lover if he/she doesn't take more interest in solving the problem. I happen to think you advocate for women very strongly, in general--but, come on, this was a bit lame. Please let's not return to a time where guys could justify taking pleasure without reciprocation, just because it takes a woman a longer. I very much know you don't think that at all. But I know that boyfriend in reading your answer isn't going to start taking the girlfriend's dissatisfaction very seriously. And that is just a shame. He needs to be told he has to be part of solving this issue, and that this issue should be very important to him--not just to her.
Feb 19, 2013 alion commented on My Mouth has Fallen in Love with Fake Meat.
@39,41,55 People used to always throw that one out there as if it mattered, and as if vegetarians were being hypocrites by eating something that resembled meat -- "why would a vegetarian want anything that looks like meat?" (as if meat patties/hotdogs, etc, really reflects what an animal looks like, anyway) But to a vegetarian/vegan who doesn't want to eat animals, the point is not whether it looks like real meat--it's that it ISN'T MEAT. It isn't an animal raised in some factory. I don't care what it looks like, I care about where it came from,--i.e., what it really is.. Duh. I think most people have gotten past that absurdity by now--but it used to be a comment frequently heard and when I heard it I wanted to pound my head against the wall. I rarely eat fake meat--but if other people like it who don't want to eat real animals, who cares? It can look like meat--but it isn't meat. That is the more important point. Hope I made sense. It is cocktail hour.