I wish I wasn't a feminist. I wish I could just be a humanist, which is primarily what I consider myself..someone who wants everyone to be treated fairly & equally.

Unfortunately, I'm still a feminist. For many reasons, but tonight's is - because we're now having a conversation in which pretty much all of the women (I think there was 2 exceptions) are trying to explain to one (or one-&-a-half, if you count Seattlebl- I mean, Stranger's Worst Nightmare - I mean UnBrainwashed) men what harassment is. (The explaining has also been helped by folks whose gender isn't clear from their handle, & Matt from Denver & a couple other guy types. Thx, dudes.) Sorry for the points I'm repeating, that others have made...

I was the first in my class to get breasts. & just about the moment it happened, in 5th grade, guys (usually much older back then) started saying creepy, creepy shit to me. I lived in a urban-edged suburban environment, & walked to & from school. This whole new way of thinking evolved - how to look angry enough & not respond to creeps who would pull up alongside in their car; how to lie just enough to adults who made lewd suggestions, to get away from them; at what point when walking home alone did I have to shift to the other side of the street, when some guy was approaching me on the other side of the street.

As someone who loved running off to NYC to see bands/dance in my teens & early 20's, I've had tons of exposure to street people. It's always men who started random encounters on the street. There's a difference between someone saying "you look amazing" at a club, or initiating a conversation at a coffeehouse, & some person you DK saying "nice tits" or "nice ass" muttering to a stranger. One's brain immediately goes into a kind of fight or flight overdrive. There's an immediate assessment of the environment for escape options.

The "smile" guy is a particular type. They can be benign, but I've never seen a random man, on the street, say to another random man, on the street - hey, smile, handsome. I'm not talking about Pride parades, or where guys are cruising other guys - all bets are kinda off there (I've observed). But in a city, two strange men passing each other on the sidewalk- never seen it happen. The last Smile Guy I encountered followed me for almost a whole block. Scary. I finally yelled super loud at him & he called me a crazy bitch as he scuttled away.

The man who says to a random woman, hey there, smile! is ordering her to change her face to please him. The reason it's so freaking hard for a man to understand what that feels like (not that I'd expect anyone who helpfully labels themselves a misanthrope to really do anything but troll) is because - as many others have said before me - the power dynamic between two men isn't the same as that between an average man & an average woman.

(Anti-troll disclaimer bit: yes, men get harassed too; yes, men also suffer from partner abuse, etc. This isn't about them. I'm acknowledging it before someone else says it, again. The majority of street harassment is by men, to women.)

From the moment that comment leaves a man's mouth & hits the woman's ears, the threat level is instigated. Giving back some sass is unwise when someone is sometimes half again to double or more your size. Yeah, I've done it - told someone would he talk like that to his mama, etc - but the point is, *I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO*. Nor should any of the many women who've patiently explained above why this is a problem. We shouldn't *HAVE TO THINK THIS WAY*, but we do. Because women never know how short the time is between "nice tits" & someone trying to grab them, or hurt them, etc.

Guys, almost every single woman you know has had to think this way at some point in their lives. Some women have to deal with being groped & such on their commute everyday, adding a higher percentage of fear & anxiety to their everyday lives. Is that okay by you? Or d'ya maybe not want to acknowledge it's a problem because you want to keep that dynamic just the way it is..?

The basic attitude of - women should just "nut up" & take it - disgusting. How about people on the street should "nut up" & learn some freaking manners & respect for their fellow humans?

Was really hopeful that this wouldn't devolve into the usual camps that happened the last time Ms. Cienna posted about the Smile Guy. Alas.

As someone who's a LGBT activist, lemme just end this by saying how disappointing it is, seeing someone whose rights I have championed, though IDK them, being so freaking blind to the rights of others.