Dec 26, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Scenes From a Marriage
@39, my longtime Slog pal, isn't part of that response set - telling people to break up, accusing men of being rapists, accusing women of other things - of people respondng to advice sought in a sex & romance advice column? IDK.
BTW, take my question with a shaker of salt, as I float in & out of Slogging these days.
If I believed in God/gods I'd say bless both of them for having sex in their 70's. & I hope she gets a break from those endless blowjobs, that sounds like a lotta work, TBH, even if once upon a time she loved it.
Dec 17, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Big Big Love
Dan, nice response. :) That's all I have to say. For once, I don't have a single jot of criticism. Those are thoughtful, kind words to BBW without a single tinge of having to express how an overweight body or woman bits turns you off personally. *Thank you*. Some people are sturdy & can handle some snark, & you do it well, but BBW is new to all this..& IDK, reading this advice was like drinking a warm cup of good tea. Needed something like that today. It's cold out there.
BBW - if you're reading the comments..hooray, that you're with someone who makes you feel sexy, & appreciated. Take Dan's advice: use your words! & have fun. Sincerely, another BBW.
Happy holidays to all & to all a good night. When we're not actively losing our mind about our next President, that is...
(Also, Memorex..it's that time of year, I raise my glass to your memory.)
Nov 18, 2016
commented on Savage Love
Msr. Vennominon @ 42 - farewell tour? No, where are you going..? You are one of the few Sloggers who was on here back when I joined. Don't go.
BTW: #1. Election Day was my birthday, &, #2., I was prepping for an invasive medical procedure the next day.
The election was horrible for many & some people have it wayyyyy worse than I do going into Trump's America. But that is definitely the worst. Birthday. EVER.
Oct 6, 2016
commented on Savage Love
When Lindy West had her huge blowout column "Hello, I'm Fat" where she & Dan had an amazing back-&-forth about body issues, some Slog users (me) criticized Dan for observations of fatphobic writing, sometimes even when well was clearly meant.
Since then, I've observed flashes of Dan's growth on that subject, like the other day when he said something about all bodies being equally desirable, which is a nicely inclusive attitude. For someone who's a gym bunny & who's literally married to an underwear model, it was good to read Dan acknowledging that different types of body are attractive to different people. We know where that workout drive comes from..Dan likes brownies. ;) Me too. In his case, he's used exercise to offset the occasional brownie. In mine, until recently, the brownies had been winning.
Another topic on which Dan has mellowed his language: when he talks about lady parts. We all know they're not his thing, the whole "canned ham" fiasco - that's Google-able knowledge. But as someone who has hung his shingle for..almost 25 years? Nooo...more?..as a sex columnist, to say it was *just now* that he learned that the vulva was something distinctly different from the vagina is disappointing.
Credit where credit's due: Dan has always advocated that guys who like girls should please their girls & get them off. I appreciate that. It's fine if it's not someone's personal preference & much respect for calling in experts as necessary. But that's some pretty basic female genital anatomy. :/ One doesn't have to interact with an actual RL woman's body in any way to just know the basics.
Ah well. It sounds like the actual advice dispensed is solid, to both parties. If fluid-bonded sex with your partner makes your junk unhappy, either find some other way of doing it - lots you can do that's not PIV; wrap it again or break up & find someone w/ whom you are more biologically compatible. For the cyclist, get the right bike seat for your bike, & fucking first is usually applicable advice (IMO).
The whole "vagina versus vulva" thing is a grammar pet peeve of mine. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, upon seeing a naked woman, "XYZ person has a hot vagina", I'd have some bank. You don't know that. But I'll buy that they might have a pretty vulva.
Mar 14, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Off the Couch, Onto the Sheets
Even though the issues discussed weren't hugely impeding the patient's life, even though they feel on the same page, etc, etc - I wouldn't ask the therapist out. At least not so close to the end of working with them. @5 & @6 have the right of it IMO: the very nature of the therapist / patient relationship is that the therapist guides their client to a place of emotional safety, so that honesty can happen safely for the client. Sometimes that creates a sense of intimacy between the client & therapist; sometimes the intimacy is genuine, & the therapist is fond of X, Y or Z client / patient. BUT, the power dynamic is too great, & although the LW sounds like they have a decent beat on the rapport they have w/ their therapist, they could be reading it wrong.
LW: ask your the therapist if they want to remain in touch socially, & what methods of contact are OK w/ them. Email, etc. If the caregiver has any respect for their situation they won't be up for dating you right away, if at all. But if the attraction is true & mutual, AND you're willing to wait whatever the recommended amount of time is, go for it, I guess. I'd be hesitant, as I think it's easy to read the comfort a good therapist gives you as friendship or attraction when in reality it might be just them doin' their job. Also, be prepared..if the therapist was just professionally friendly, not flirting, try not to take it too personally or be resentful. It is sometimes difficult to sort through current feelings when working through past stuff w/ someone trained to get you to confide in them.
Dan: really disagree with you this time.
Mar 9, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Of Cake and Cocks
He probably feels less guilty about cheating with men versus cheating with women as his super-hot wife is potentially less threatened by men as versus women. This could be some combination of what 43 said - some people consider same-sex encounters as less "real" than opposite-sex ones - & maybe the wife is competitive with other women, & would be comparing herself to whatever women the husband cheated on her with.
Who cares? Clearly he doesn't. I'd bet it's just like Dan said: he's likely bi, usually more romantic with women, & has discovered these sexual feelings for guys..just no desire to have relationships with them later.
Agree with above Sloggers who say he doesn't sound like he's not very interested in the why is "very hot" wife isn't into sex with him...which smacks of not caring about her. I also agree he left out the details B/C he was hoping for a "get out of monogamy free" card from Dan.
He needs to be straight with her - ugh - & tell her ASAP that he's been hooking up with other people on the side. Whatever they decide should happen to the marriage after that, at least he won't have this absurd double life goin' on.
Mar 9, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Drunken Demand
Yeah, this situation doesn't sound like a good idea. Seconding Dan's advice.
I have an absolutely gorrrrgeous friend, who I was smitten with, who tried fooling around with me a couple of times, but it was always when she was using Ecstasy. I'd heard her talk about her morning-after regrets before & decided I didn't want to be one of them. She's hooked up with a guy now, who seems really good for her, but I wish she'd asked me when she was *less* tipsy. ;)
Don't go there with your friend. It'll complicate everything further, & your friend sounds like her life is currently already pretty complex. & even if she proposes a sober hookup, maybe it'd be better to just not have that fling. I'm usually in favor of going for it, overall, but it sounds like her dance card is already full.