Jan 6, 2015
commented on I, Anonymous
So this happened this weekend:
My main guy had been getting to know this woman for a while now – slowly, friendly; they’ve seen each other around quite a bit and he’s lately let her know he’s interested in her. She was at an open event to which he’d invited her and during the event she asked if he was available later. He was set to answer that he had plans [with me] but “perhaps another time?” when he saw that I had just arrived out of the corner of his eye and opted to introduce me then as his “main squeeze” (labels are so annoying and limiting and yet without them we’re left with “my main guy” and “main squeeze”).
I could see it in her eyes in that moment: awkwardness, rejection, realization that he was poly (and she, it turns out, is not), worry that I was going to be all possessive and indignant as if he’d been caught cheating, embarrassment…
So how do you avoid that moment or moments like the idiot misogynist IA had? When do you tell someone you’re dating-but-open, or dating others, or playing-the-field, or are carrying on many relationships at different levels of closeness and connection and commitment?
Is that necessarily a conversation one has before going out simply to dance? Or during the meetup stage on a hookup app? Is it her responsibility to tell him something he may not even care about as if she’s got a communicable disease? Is it his responsibility to ask clarifying questions before he sets his hopes on Happily Ever After? (“What’s your current relationship status?”/”So I’m finding that I really am enjoying your attention and even though we’ve only had a few dates and you barely know me and I barely know anything about you, I really want to set the expectation on you that you are to give your attention only to me even during the rest of your life between our few and random dates, m’kay?”)
Tl;dr: don’t be a jackass, IA. You don’t own her and she didn’t owe you anything. You chose to leave in a huff instead of clarifying for yourself the nature of her lifestyle at any point before or during your dates. Get over yourself and stop being a hateful misogynist pig. I recommend CBT and CBT.
Dec 31, 2014
commented on How to Tell Your Children They Are Not Artists
a person who produces paintings or drawings as a profession or hobby.
Your kid makes art for fun (hobby)? Your kid's an artist. Will your kid become a professional artist? It's unlikely. If your kid loves to dance, she's a dancer. Will she ever become a professional dancer? Unlikely.
Jesus, no, Mudede, you don't have to crush your children's creativity. You tell your kids to pursue art because it's good for our brains. It creates new pathways and makes us smarter. It feeds our need to create. It helps us think through our frustrations. It helps us to come up with creative solutions to real life problems. Why ever would you want to encourage your children to be dumb, static automatrons?
And regarding the art walk - that's not a parent's role to tell their kids that their art is not good enough. A parent's role is to say, "I love it when you make art!" It's for the curators of the exhibit to say, "hey, it's great that you love to create art, but that piece is just not up to our standards."
Dec 5, 2014
commented on UK Bans Production of Porn Featuring Female Ejaculation
I do not understand the argument about whether or not female ejaculation is a thing - especially when it's scientists and sexuality researchers involved in the debate. What more needs to be shown? Does each person who doubts its existence need to actually see it in person? Are they suggesting that those who've studied its chemical makeup are, what?, lying? mistaken? ignorant?
This is like doubting that the Parthenon is real because you've never seen it yourself, but only in pictures which can be doctored.
Having this skill/curse/disposition/trait, I can assure the doubters that, no, it's not pee. Really. Having used bed pads below me, it's more than obvious that it has neither the color nor scent of urine. Nor does it feel like urination to me and my bladder is no emptier after. How is this still a discussion?
Oct 1, 2014
commented on HUMP! 2014 Festival Tickets On Sale NOW
@2 Dan will be present and speaking to the audience at the "hosted" shows. "Curated" shows means that he's planned it and he's the official presenter, but a rep of his will be there. I think Lindy did one of the shows I attended.
Sep 12, 2014
commented on Climate Change
No, the visitation schedule is clear: we don't have responsibility for that for another two to three weeks.