Sarah in Olympia
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Aug 6 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Men In Her Life.
There are reasons that it's hard to bring up sex at a counseling session. I tried it once ("Once a year is not enough for me"), and my husband's rage, embarrassment, and enduring cold shoulder shut me down immediately. I've been divorced for six years, now married to a guy who wants to please me all the time. All. The. Time. Call me blissfully happy.
Jul 19 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Crazy Soon-To-Be-Ex-Girlfriend.
LW, place this in a message to yourself, and make a note to open it two months from now:

"You realize that she will never change, right? You realize that neither you nor she has the slightest reason to hate your ex from seven years ago, right? You understand that when you wrote this message two months ago, your life was kind of nightmarish from your girlfriend's horrible anxiety, self-hatred, and unwillingness to imagine anything other than death for your ex, right? Good. Now: it's been two months. Has anything changed? No? Are you surprised? No, you are not. She will not change. She will also refuse to end things with you. It is up to you to be the grownup here. You and she both will survive."
Jul 5 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Taking a Break, Breaking a Heart, Casting a Ballot.
I am absolutely with #1 here: you have had a successful relationship! Celebrate it and be grateful that you are a stronger, better person for the experience. Good for you. Now take Dan's advice and get yourself out and about. It's summer!
Jan 10 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Friends, Old Wounds.
@53 (Lava Girl), I'm in my 50s, and it was extremely dangerous for girls to wander around alone in my neighborhood. The attitude of "I went out alone all the time as a kid and nothing bad ever happened to me/what is the matter with parents today" stuff pains me. I had so many instances of childhood sexual abuse in my neighborhood in the 1960s -- with no one believing me -- that it feels like a miracle that I was able to end up in a happy adult relationship. Please don't paint a safe mythic time in past as the way it was for everyone. If you were safe, then you were lucky. I wasn't. None of my friends were.
Dec 22, 2015 Sarah in Olympia commented on SL Letter of the Day: Only the Lonely.
Let me recommend finding a local drumming group: African, Brazilian, Japanese taiko. They are in nearly every major city. Many of them have a majority of adult men in them. Most of those men are married or partnered, but some aren't. For a minimal weekly fee ($5?) you join the group, you perform for charity events (which are often really cool, actually!), and you meet a lot of people outside your usual haunts. I found that in "taking a class" I would end up in a class with all women. Meh. But joining a music group? Oh yes.
Oct 24, 2015 Sarah in Olympia commented on I, Anonymous.
I was assaulted by some construction workers who started with the comments about my body, about how I should smile for them, etc. etc. etc. Comments escalated to ASSAULT. It is no surprise that comments about my body, hair, smile (or lack thereof) cause me to question, very quickly, whether that speaker is about to attack me. Here's the thing, you mansplainers: we can't tell whether you intend to pay a compliment, or whether you intend to rape.
Oct 21, 2015 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Problem With My Gay Brother Isn't That He's Gay.
Thanksgiving is NOT the time to air dirty laundry about who's an asshole and who isn't, and why. The meal represents a TON of work on someone else's part to make everything be delicious and hospitable and juuuuuuust right, and using that time to stomp on that person's hard work by bringing out the anger and accusations is unspeakably mean and heartless. Congratulations, interventionist: you just destroyed ten other people's hope for a peaceful dinner and at least one person's many many thankless hours of preparation. I would actually write a letter, on paper, and send it through the mail.
Nov 5, 2014 Sarah in Olympia commented on SL Letter of the Day: Adventurous Parents.
Once my child was five, I took her all over the world. We lived on a ship for a summer, lived in Asia, lived in Europe, and go everywhere. It's been GREAT! She's in college now and a citizen of the world. The two most limiting times were her first five years, and her high school years (zero flexibility on attendance). But she's off on her own now, happily independent with friends all over the world, and I'm still adventuring.

Note: Dan's words about having just one child are crucial to the "can you or can't you" discussion. One child is what made the difference in my ability to keep on doing what I do. If I'd had two or more... not a chance.
Sep 24, 2014 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love.
It seems clear that an open relationship, to the LW, means "I get to fuck someone else, but you don't." Apologies for not having access to scientific literature, but among the people I know, it is usually the guy who wants to fuck someone else while denying his wife the same freedom.
Sep 15, 2014 Sarah in Olympia commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Right Not To Know.
"So, Mom and Dad, my sister was snooping and found out something about our sex lives. She is threatening blackmail now and wants to drag you both into my private life by telling you things that my partner and I are not interested in sharing publicly. I would love your advice about this. I mean, I can tell you myself, but as I said, it's private. I'm not sure what she hopes to gain by telling you. What should I do?"