Sarah in Olympia
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Dec 8, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Current BF and the Ex-Intern.
Letter writer! Life is too short to be with someone who has a terribly low sex drive! DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF! I don't care about anything else that may or may not have happened. Do not make the mistake I did and assume that it was all my fault, for several decades. You deserve the man who cannot wait to get into your pants, celebrate your accomplishments (go law school girl!), and invite you along to whatever fun things he has going on, whether you can make it this time or not. I used to think that if only I was thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, made enough money etc., my ex would finally sit up and take notice. He never did. Don't wait another day. Seriously.
Dec 6, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: This Boy Or That Boy And Other False Choices.
I waited 30 years for my marriage to improve. Sex once a year, and grudging at that. I finally D'd TMFA and have been in a hot, fabulous relationship for three years to someone who loves sex just as much as I do! He is passionate, caring, kind, and in it for the long haul. My friends say that my joy makes me nearly unrecognizable now. This could be waiting for YOU, but you have to make the move. DTMFA.
Sep 14, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Skip That White Wedding.
The wedding is not about you. It is about the couple, period. This is not the time to push that Sisyphian stone up the hill. Show up, be gracious and cheerful, and get the hell out of there. That is all that matters, because this is neither your circus nor your monkeys.
Sep 6, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Here Are 6 Reasons Why Trigger Warnings Aren't Bullshit..
I'm a college professor. When I'm dealing with sensitive material, I let my students know. It takes all of about a minute; to a student, every one of them stays in class, and we discuss the material. It works.
Aug 6, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Men In Her Life.
There are reasons that it's hard to bring up sex at a counseling session. I tried it once ("Once a year is not enough for me"), and my husband's rage, embarrassment, and enduring cold shoulder shut me down immediately. I've been divorced for six years, now married to a guy who wants to please me all the time. All. The. Time. Call me blissfully happy.
Jul 19, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Crazy Soon-To-Be-Ex-Girlfriend.
LW, place this in a message to yourself, and make a note to open it two months from now:

"You realize that she will never change, right? You realize that neither you nor she has the slightest reason to hate your ex from seven years ago, right? You understand that when you wrote this message two months ago, your life was kind of nightmarish from your girlfriend's horrible anxiety, self-hatred, and unwillingness to imagine anything other than death for your ex, right? Good. Now: it's been two months. Has anything changed? No? Are you surprised? No, you are not. She will not change. She will also refuse to end things with you. It is up to you to be the grownup here. You and she both will survive."
Jul 5, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Taking a Break, Breaking a Heart, Casting a Ballot.
I am absolutely with #1 here: you have had a successful relationship! Celebrate it and be grateful that you are a stronger, better person for the experience. Good for you. Now take Dan's advice and get yourself out and about. It's summer!
Jan 10, 2016 Sarah in Olympia commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Friends, Old Wounds.
@53 (Lava Girl), I'm in my 50s, and it was extremely dangerous for girls to wander around alone in my neighborhood. The attitude of "I went out alone all the time as a kid and nothing bad ever happened to me/what is the matter with parents today" stuff pains me. I had so many instances of childhood sexual abuse in my neighborhood in the 1960s -- with no one believing me -- that it feels like a miracle that I was able to end up in a happy adult relationship. Please don't paint a safe mythic time in past as the way it was for everyone. If you were safe, then you were lucky. I wasn't. None of my friends were.
Dec 22, 2015 Sarah in Olympia commented on SL Letter of the Day: Only the Lonely.
Let me recommend finding a local drumming group: African, Brazilian, Japanese taiko. They are in nearly every major city. Many of them have a majority of adult men in them. Most of those men are married or partnered, but some aren't. For a minimal weekly fee ($5?) you join the group, you perform for charity events (which are often really cool, actually!), and you meet a lot of people outside your usual haunts. I found that in "taking a class" I would end up in a class with all women. Meh. But joining a music group? Oh yes.
Oct 24, 2015 Sarah in Olympia commented on I, Anonymous.
I was assaulted by some construction workers who started with the comments about my body, about how I should smile for them, etc. etc. etc. Comments escalated to ASSAULT. It is no surprise that comments about my body, hair, smile (or lack thereof) cause me to question, very quickly, whether that speaker is about to attack me. Here's the thing, you mansplainers: we can't tell whether you intend to pay a compliment, or whether you intend to rape.