Nov 26, 2012
commented on Is Polyamory a Sexual Orientation?
I think that part of the online criticism that is happening is because Dan not only denies polyamory as a sexual orientation, but as an **identity** as well.
"It's not something you are, it's something you do"
"There are only people - gay, straight, bi - and some people are in monogamous relationships, some are in open relationships, some are in polyamrous relationships, some are in monogamish relationships, some are in four-star general-relationships".
There are a lot of people in the polyamory community who believe that the ability to love multiple people simultaneously is a part of who they are, and thus see it as a part of their identity.
There's a lot of politics around ... identity politics - especially when it comes to issues of discrimination. Polyamory is not considered a protected class, so those who identify as poly and are out risk their jobs and custody of their children by being out. As mentioned in a previous comment, those who are polyamorous and acting on their beliefs/needs also run the risk of breaking the law in states that have tighter adultry/fornication laws.
Rather than nit-picking on how others perceive themselves and drawing lines on what counts as an orientation or identity, we should work towards equality for all who live in an ethical and loving manner - whether they love someone of the same or opposite (or non-binary) gender, and whether they love one or many people simultaneously. Ultimately this is about the fundamental right for each of us to build our family as we see fit.