Mar 8 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
Except that I don't think Dan's advice was bad, I agree with @10.

@19, I take the LW at his word, thinking that he heard from her that she intended to have surgery at some point.

If, as it appears from the LW, he didn't know she was trans until they were alone, she took a significant risk of rejection or worse. She withheld a much bigger bit of information than he did.

I have to wonder why the LW doesn't wear a wedding ring. Surely she would have noticed that. If it were important to her that he be single and available, she could have always asked.
Dec 27, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: He's Scalded By Assumptions Other Gay Men Make About Bald Men.
The discussion comes up now and then about the meaning of leather clothing, BDSM, and fisting. While we don't reach consensus, the conclusion is that fisting is not a part of BDSM, and the leather is no longer a good indicator of interest in BDSM. This does not mean that those into BDSM cannot be into leather and/or fisting.
Anyone who thinks they all go together is uninformed or deluded.
Those who would pigeon hole someone based on initial impression is not someone one would want as a friend or playmate.

There is no better way to say this than to borrow Dan & Terry's meme: it gets better.
I was bald in my mid-20s. Some guys liked it, but most didn't. The only time I was ever asked for ID to prove my age was to prove I was young enough for a student discount. At age 50+, I finally aged into my looks, and I'm delightfully surprised that after years of less than normal activity, at 65, I am now honestly saying, "so many men, so little time."

One thing to address when dressing in leather is flagging. While I do not know of a hankie color meaning vanilla, if you are not into S&M, don't flag black, and if not into fisting, don't flag red. Dark blue is probably the best if you choose to flag.
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Dec 21, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
GUILT writes:
I've been told that if I'm attracted to women, it shouldn't matter what genitals they have. I've also been told that if I like penis, it shouldn't matter if the owner presents as male or female.

Told by whom? By people who don't want it to matter when they see that it does.
Oct 12, 2016 vab251 commented on I'd Rather Jump Out the Window Than Celebrate 25 Years of The Stranger with This Issue.
Happy 25th.
And about that note on hording:
I'll save it with the others.
Oct 6, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
@42,
Agreed. The dual density thing is usually insufficient. I often explain this by asking the rider to press on the softer area, and think about putting that much pressure on the perineum. The light bulb usually goes on.
There needs to be a visible depression or a void. One issue with a big void is that you will have transferred more pressure to other areas.
Finally, the depth of the depression needs to be deeper the heavier the rider is, or the plusher the area where the sit bones rest.
Oct 6, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
@33 Also,
I hope we can agree that on average, female pelvic bones are wider than male.
Oct 6, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
@33,
I am no doctor, but having just watched this on YouTube, I think I am at least partially justified. Closed captions are a help.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86OKKjsI…
Oct 5, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
I am male, but have helped hundreds of women with bicycle saddles in my 43 years in the business. There is no one perfect saddle for everyone. Trial and error is involved.

I want to point out what I suspect is a misunderstanding of terms. Dr. Herbenick referred to "cutout" saddles when I suspect she meant cutaway. A cutaway saddle would be one where supposedly excess material was removed from the edges, making the saddle narrower. A cutout saddle has a depression, groove, or complete void in the center to relieve undo pressure on our more sensitive parts. Cutout saddles are usually helpful in addressing the LW's issue.
By all means wear cycling shorts.
Do not use talcum powder. Men can use corn starch, but this may not be good for women.
Tilting the nose of the saddle down will throw you into the handlebars. Arch your back slightly to rotate your pelvis backwards, relieving pressure in front. Do not let yourself hang like a hammock.

Women face a problem that men don't. Women's pelvic bones are split. The saddle must get under the pelvic bones to support them. The saddle needs to be wider, and is usually slightly shorter front to back. The nose still needs to be narrow to prevent chafing of the inner thighs.
Men sitting on a narrow saddle with forces trying to push the pelvic bones apart is not a problem, as ours is one piece.

Finally, ED from cycling is mostly myth. Cyclists have a lower incidence of ED than the general population. It's only going to happen if one has a no pain no gain mentality and ignores obvious issues. Numbness due to blood flow restriction is a separate issue that can be address with cutout saddles for men.
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Sep 21, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
Err. *If you're looking . . .
Sep 21, 2016 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
For WISF (and Dan).
If you're older and looking for younger, by all means try DaddyHunt. However, it's you're looking for older, SilverDaddies is much better. Also adam4adam works for everything and everyone.