Oct 12 vab251 commented on I'd Rather Jump Out the Window Than Celebrate 25 Years of The Stranger with This Issue.
Happy 25th.
And about that note on hording:
I'll save it with the others.
Oct 6 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
Agreed. The dual density thing is usually insufficient. I often explain this by asking the rider to press on the softer area, and think about putting that much pressure on the perineum. The light bulb usually goes on.
There needs to be a visible depression or a void. One issue with a big void is that you will have transferred more pressure to other areas.
Finally, the depth of the depression needs to be deeper the heavier the rider is, or the plusher the area where the sit bones rest.
Oct 6 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
@33 Also,
I hope we can agree that on average, female pelvic bones are wider than male.
Oct 6 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
I am no doctor, but having just watched this on YouTube, I think I am at least partially justified. Closed captions are a help.
Oct 5 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
I am male, but have helped hundreds of women with bicycle saddles in my 43 years in the business. There is no one perfect saddle for everyone. Trial and error is involved.

I want to point out what I suspect is a misunderstanding of terms. Dr. Herbenick referred to "cutout" saddles when I suspect she meant cutaway. A cutaway saddle would be one where supposedly excess material was removed from the edges, making the saddle narrower. A cutout saddle has a depression, groove, or complete void in the center to relieve undo pressure on our more sensitive parts. Cutout saddles are usually helpful in addressing the LW's issue.
By all means wear cycling shorts.
Do not use talcum powder. Men can use corn starch, but this may not be good for women.
Tilting the nose of the saddle down will throw you into the handlebars. Arch your back slightly to rotate your pelvis backwards, relieving pressure in front. Do not let yourself hang like a hammock.

Women face a problem that men don't. Women's pelvic bones are split. The saddle must get under the pelvic bones to support them. The saddle needs to be wider, and is usually slightly shorter front to back. The nose still needs to be narrow to prevent chafing of the inner thighs.
Men sitting on a narrow saddle with forces trying to push the pelvic bones apart is not a problem, as ours is one piece.

Finally, ED from cycling is mostly myth. Cyclists have a lower incidence of ED than the general population. It's only going to happen if one has a no pain no gain mentality and ignores obvious issues. Numbness due to blood flow restriction is a separate issue that can be address with cutout saddles for men.
Sep 21 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
Err. *If you're looking . . .
Sep 21 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
For WISF (and Dan).
If you're older and looking for younger, by all means try DaddyHunt. However, it's you're looking for older, SilverDaddies is much better. Also adam4adam works for everything and everyone.
Sep 10 vab251 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Your Pussy Had a Plan.
Not Tl;Dr.
What a delightfully colorful way to lead up to DTMFA
Aug 9 vab251 commented on Here's Matt Hickey on FetLife, Looking for "Sluts" in Vegas.
I am disappointed that anyone at The Stranger feels entitled to violate FetLife's terms of use, posting private data for non-members to see. It is reasonable to capture screens (but keep them private) as backup for an article.
Jul 20 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
When someone tells you that he doesn't want a relationship, it simply means that he doesn't want a relationship with you. Any other issues about his ability to commit with anyone or his past relationships are irrelevant. Break up.
Should he change his mind in a year or two, you might want to be open to reconnecting.

It is possible that a poly relationship could work, but they can be really hard work, and are not a panacea. You two should already know if you are poly people.