Aug 9 vab251 commented on Here's Matt Hickey on FetLife, Looking for "Sluts" in Vegas.
I am disappointed that anyone at The Stranger feels entitled to violate FetLife's terms of use, posting private data for non-members to see. It is reasonable to capture screens (but keep them private) as backup for an article.
Jul 20 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
for HELPME:
When someone tells you that he doesn't want a relationship, it simply means that he doesn't want a relationship with you. Any other issues about his ability to commit with anyone or his past relationships are irrelevant. Break up.
Should he change his mind in a year or two, you might want to be open to reconnecting.

It is possible that a poly relationship could work, but they can be really hard work, and are not a panacea. You two should already know if you are poly people.
Jun 24 vab251 commented on Queer Issue: My Encounters with '80s Porn Star Al Parker.
Wonderful.
Thanks for sharing.
Jun 2 vab251 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What To Say? Beats Me..
I think I'd go with, "I was horsing around with a friend and things got out of hand. I'm good."

For the future, arnica creme helps fade bruises. Also capillaries do toughen up so that bruising of the same skin becomes less and less likely from repeated impact play. Arnica tablets help prevent bruising as does mega-dosing vitamin C.

While I applaud the LW for going with the flow and having a good time, the valuable lesson here is that marks should be negotiated (along with other things). It is not a good sign that his partner let this happen, as he should have known better. Especially for first time play, anything above the chest should have automatically been off limits.
May 25 vab251 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Age Difference.
If anyone wanted to project what is typical in a youth-obsessed culture, I'd expect the younger of the two to worry that the older would lose interest.

Since these two seem to have bonded on every level, I would expect age and looks not to be an issue as they change. I think most see their partners through rose colored glasses that allow them to see each other as they were when the first met even though the reality is that they have aged.

I'd be much less worried about what might happen after 25 years compared to the fun to be had for the next 25, plus the time already spent.

By all means, take yes for the answer.
May 24 vab251 commented on The Bachelorette Premieres Tonight. Sorry..
I worry less about NFW images appearing on my screen than autoplay videos—escpecially those that are so far down the page that I can't find them to stop them.
STOP AUTOPLAY !
Apr 6 vab251 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day:.
Let's get one thing straight: there is no reason to be afraid of HIV from oral. While the experts are reluctant to say that it's impossible, the chances are negligible. Just make sure that you have not brushed your teeth within a few hours (mouthwash is good), haven't had dental work within a few days, and don't have any sores in your mouth.
HepC cannot be transmitted by cocksucking unless both penis and mouth are bleeding.
Yes, vaccinate against what you can.

Get tested for herpes. You may have already shared that with your wife.

Try adam4adam, and hook up only with guys who specify "safe sex only," and those who are not looking for group action.

Then, give yourself the full experience of sucking a cock without a condom.
Realize that while condoms are excellent protection from HIV (which is not a problem here), they are less effective against most others.

Then, if you want to be pretty darned sure, wait a week before having sex with the wife and test again. Do a Goggle search on "STI Window Periods."
Mar 30 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
Another positive contribution of porn is that it seems (the evidence is only anecdotal) to act as a safety valve for relieving sexual tension that might otherwise be acted on violently.
Mar 4 vab251 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Legal Guardian.
There was no way Dan's response to this could be as short as four words, and it's packed with insight and good advice.
Mar 2 vab251 commented on Savage Love.
HELPMA,
Casually mention that you have created a profile on FetLife and let her find her husband there.