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Dec 11, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
"so suck it up, buttercups. Let's move on." @ 266

Man, does that sound like someone I know well ;-)!

Dec 11, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 265, Lilaj: To quote you:

"How do you know that someone presenting themselves as poly is not actually a cheating mono person?"

Good point. How does anyone really know it's just not fluffed-up b.s. dressed in nice clothing?

I can see your point, Lilaj: who's to say someone isn't using the poly rap to try to get in other people's pants dishonorably, but justifying it with an 'ism' attached to it?

I guess you can tell when someone can't tie themselves down to one particular person. You can spot those types easily. I dunno. I'm kinda burnt out on all the isms, buzzwords, catchphrases, yaddayaddayadda.

Pick a set of genitals and work with that. Don't be greedy ;) lol!

@ 261, sissoucat: Thanks :-) . And to Everyone, Peace & Happy Christmas, as John Lennon would say :-) .
Dec 10, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 249, AFinch, thanks for the cited quote!

A touche' of my own, to quote you:

"I think the stress and drama increase as a function of the exponential power of the number of partners involved."

That's another reason why I would never be a natural for being poly: the more people that are involved, the more drama you will have, no matter how even-keeled anyone is. Some people get off on that kind of near-frantic activity, enjoying multiple relationships and stuff. Some people love being at the center of the action..

I just don't get it, but I respect anyone's choice to do what they wanna do. I love having one great thing and putting my best energies and time into that. I seriously lucked out in life to have found who I did. So much so that I honestly wouldn't jeopardize what we share for anything, or, anyone else in the world. The trippy thing is still being this happy and into him and it's been seventeen years.. I wouldn't trade that time in my life for anyone or any piece of strange. There's such a brilliant, almost in-jokey sort of rapport and chemistry. We're very close, and it would kill me to do anything to harm him, or what we've built together.

I used to think I was commitment-shy until I found love... So, it makes me wonder: is some polyamorous behavior due to an aversion to not wanting to face other troubling issues in one's life, or is it just not that complicated at all and that some people just need a few extra side-orders of tail?

Not that I know anything, but somehow I think it might be a combination of both: perhaps some troubling issues burbling underneath the more outward stance of being poly by choice..

More power to any of you polyamorous peeps, but how do you do it? How do you start over with someone else and bring them up to speed about who you are, what you like, etc.? It just sounds so exhausting, all of that activity..

I'm lucky, 'cos who I'm with is still delightful to be around and he keeps me on my toes, *yet* there's a very solid bond and a lot of love that keeps us around one another. I'd be the biggest ass on the planet if I threw that aside for anything, or, anyone else.

I never used to be able to seriously concentrate or focus on one person until I fell truly in love: seventeen++years ago.


@ 250, Auntie Grizelda: I wish my cat lived to be 17+. Mine too had to be put down at age 13 'cos of kidney trouble. Man, was that one devastating, exhausting day the day he was put down.. I was in the room the whole time: petting him throughout the whole process, providing as much comfort and solace as I could..

It was so sad not having a cat after that that I wound up adopting two cats that grew up together about 10 days after I had to put my cat down to sleep.

I feel bad for anyone who doesn't know, experience or appreciate the love of a cat.

Indeed: Happy Holidays To Everyone! I can't top what you wrote Auntie G., so I'll leave it as your word being the gospel!

Dec 10, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
Good luck with your cat, ankly! I have two myself. Cats rock!


Don't sweat the grammar thing. It's Monday ;-) .

Cheers & Happy Holidays, Everyone :-) .
Dec 10, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 242: anklyosaur, to kindly quote you:

"To love yourself, you should to enjoy spending time with yourself--no matter who, or in what situation, you are."

Well said! Exactly! It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle with day-to-day hectic activity. Sometimes you can't distinguish between what is other people's vibes and what is yours.. I'm a big advocate of setting aside daily time to meditate. But then, an excess of noisy environs jars my nerves sometimes.

I'm with you ankylosaur about appreciating and learning to enjoy spending time with yourself. Only You know how you are, and what you would like to attain in this life. No one can show you the way towards that other than yourself.. That, and it's awesome to establish discipline in taking time for yourself to check in with how you're doing. It's crucial, actually. That, and it gives you that much more of a boost to your nervous system, too. Besides: what good is anyone to anyone else if you aren't good (and kind) to yourself first?

All of the answers are there inside any one of us. It's just the matter of stopping all of the external stimuli long enough to check in and spot where those answers are :-) . Cheers, Everyone. Happy Holidays 2012.

Dec 10, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 212: Sissoucat: Thanks for the shout-out applauding a line of mine you quoted. Thanks. Much appreciated!

I wonder though, about what fuels the polyamorous side of people. Is it indeed chasing that first flush of new love (i.e. "a fresh piece of strange") or is it really an accepted desire that no one person would be enough?

I doubt it's all quite that simple, but I guess I get it. I've been very, *very* fortunate in that who I've been in love with (for over seventeen_years :-) !) still gives me butterflies in my gut, a smile on my face and yet we share a history that I would never forsake for any outside thing. It's so difficult to find anyone you genuinely click with. I never thought I would still be in love this much for this long, but I am :-) ! I'm very lucky, blessed and fortunate. I wouldn't wanna start over having anyone getting to know me as well (and with as much detail:)) as my man does and has for a long time now.

I tell him this all of the time: 1 of You is 10,000,000 of anyone else (Very True :-) .) .

That's enough polyamory for me!

Dec 7, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
Everything is a choice. Weighing your options and what you have to gain and/or lose, depending on how you go about anything.

I get it that some people need and employ variety of partners out of individual necessity, or preference.

It's just as well I'm this side of monogamous: I don't have the need or the constitution really to open up my relationship to other people, but that's just me.

Whatever works for anybody, I'm cool with. As long as no one is being unduly dishonest, cruel or disrespectful to anyone else's feelings. Life's too short for that sort of thing.

It's not for everybody, polyamory is. The same can also be said for monogamy. Knowing who you are and what your truest wonts and desires are is crucial. That, and being on the level/upfront about it all, so no one is being deceptive about anything. Easier said than done sometimes, but there you go then :-) . Have a great weekend, everyone. Thanks for some good reads in here. Peace!

Dec 7, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 197, to quote you, if I may:

"People fool themselves into thinking that an entire relationship has to be over just because one part of it doesn't work the way it used to. The sex drive is a powerful thing and it plays tricks on one's mind in order to be satisfied. As long as I protect my marriage (or whatever) by being honest, negotiating terms and getting prior approval, I can put that urge to rest. And when I'm done, I can put the value of each kind of relationship (physical vs emotional) into perspective and not risk everything for what is in reality just a little recreation."

Well said. I like your style. Peace!
Dec 7, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 168: Not to worry, I get what you're saying :-) .

It's like anything: some people are wired to be able to enjoy and entertain multiple relationships, some others aren't. That's neither a bad or a good thing: it just is what it is.

I guess what I was getting at is that sometimes love finds you, and it's a bit more than you ever imagined to be possible.. In light of that, what happens if you somehow found what you always were looking for and/or wanted and you never saw it coming? That's what I mean about the first great love thing..

I've learned a lot about polyamory through this site (Thanks to you all for that.) . I also realized that I tend to be monogamous by default: 1.) I'm really happy and in love with who I have in my life and... 2.) I feel no need to wish for or ask for anything more than that. My cup is fulleth, there :-) .

What matters most is knowing what makes you happiest and most fulfilled, I think. Some people need several different relationships, some people need only a primary one. It's all relative.

I love who I'm with enough to keep an open mind, but I've no need for anyone else. If he wants that, then all he would need to do is be upfront and honest with me. The truth is what people give a shit about. The truth heals. And all that good stuff ;-).
Dec 6, 2012 kserasera commented on Savage Love.
@ 144: To quote you:

"Being monogamous is not about being oriented toward monogamy; it's about having the self-discipline to resist the natural and universal urge to engage in intimacy with anyone besides your committed partner."

Thank you. It's a choice.

Maybe some people don't tend to feel things that deeply or something.. Maybe some people could handle being in love (or 'in love') with more than one person at a time. Maybe some of these people have yet to encounter one of their lives' first great loves.. Finding that can change your whole world, or what you thought your world was before it happened to you..

It's a combination of choice and temperament, I think. Whether anyone is mono, poly or just an all-around clusterfuck comprised of many different variables, the important thing is knowing who you are, what you want, what you desire most and seeing it come to fruition with likeminded souls.

In a way, the polyspeak for some reason reminds me of someone who quits smoking then takes to the dais or pulpit and spouts off for eons about the hazards of smoking.. It's always something.

I do think it is about how you're wired, too. Some people cringe at the idea of a secondary romantic, etc. relationship: some lick their chops like a buzzard swooping down towards the gutwagon. It's all a matter of choice and personal preference.

I wouldn't rule out anything ever, but I barely have enough time to get one relationship sorted out and going well. Who TF would wanna take on additional drama? They best better make yer heart and loins flutter for all that duress!

To each their own, as the good saying goes.