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Aug 6, 2010 thomashwhite commented on Heather Has Two Mommies, One Daddy, and Several Matriarchal Women in the Community Who She Thinks of as Moms.
I'm a long term poly (26 years with my first ever SO and 15 with our third). We've had a couple of others in there for shorter terms (SO number one currently has a new relationship). I've never had the bad breakups that @3 feels are normative for Poly relationships. Our families are clear and open with this and close friends know. Yes, I don't go screaming it from the rooftops, but otherwise we aren't so different from anyone else.

I wish there were local polycamps (Albany, NY). It would be nice to mingle with others.

Jul 3, 2009 thomashwhite commented on Savage Love.
@79 - Umm, my gynecologist showed me exactly which cancer-causing strain I had (and it IS one of the strains in the vaccine). And I'm pretty sure it's GONE. Do your research!

I have done my research (I've been treated for the anal cancer the HPV caused) and all that your procedure does is get rid of the dysplasia. It does not get rid of the HPV. Your current good pap smears don't mean you don't have HPV. Pap smears don't test for HPV. Pap smears test for dysplasia.

There is some small evidence that some people can become negative for HPV after having been positive. However, there is no current way to induce that change. You'd just have to be one of the lucky ones.

BTW - my experience is one of the reasons I was really pissed when they didn't originally consider boys a good target audience for Gardasil. The tissue around the anus is relatively the same as the tissue around the cervix. Therefore, HPV infection in this tissue can lead to the dysplasia and "anal cancer" that are somewhat equivalent to cervical cancer. The "cure" is roughly the same as well. Remove all the skin around the area. Scar tissue there isn't any fun. Now, I'm not saying all boys will take things up the butt and get HPV infection, but a significant number are at risk (a finger up the butt during sex you straight boys?) and therefore boys should be vaccinated before it's too late.

Jun 12, 2009 thomashwhite commented on Savage Love.
I've never understood the "guys can never be friends with women" mentality. I guess it's because I'm gay. However, if you extrapolate that to my situation, I guess I, as a gay man who likes to sleep with men, should never be able to have guy friends. God, that's just stupid.

I've been in the LJL situation from both sides. The response to the issue is very situational.

When I had a crush on this one "friend" he used it knowing he had me wrapped around his finger. I realized the situation and started avoiding him like the plague because I realized it was unhealthy.

However, another crush I had on a "friend" ended up with him being one of the best friends I've had in my lifetime. We meshed so well it wasn't funny. In a way I haven't with any other friend I've had and in a way I haven't with my two boyfriends. We were just so simpatico. If he hadn't died young, I know we would still be friends to this day. I would never have given up the crush either, but I certaintly would never have outwardly shown jealousy concerning his boyfriends either. Actually, one of them became just as important a friend in my life as he was, although in a different way.

Also, in the situation where the person had the crush on me, I had to watch the situation carefully. I would let the "crusher" know about other people, but would try to make sure I didn't rub it in their face by sharing intimate details if they weren't up to that. However, some couldn't handle that well and we drifted for a while. Be aware, however, that jealousy can occur with any friend when you get a new Significant Other. Your friend loses some of their access to you because of the SO and now has to find something to do with themselves when they used to spend much of their time with you.

So, differentiate.

As for Mr. Poop. Get over it people. I don't like poop, but it's just poop. It's amazing how much you can get over these aversions once you have a child or a pet. I've slept in a damp bed before because of a leaky one. I just clean it up later. I would get out of the bed for stank, but you just take care of it. Let the guy know that you don't appreciate it and if he ever expects to get a little again he should clean first. However, just remember, just because it looks clean, it doesn't mean it's germ free. So, would you really want to put your face on a couch/bed/etc that someone just had their ass on? If you say yes, you need to go to a remedial hygiene class (I can't believe the number of people who touch the handles of a sink after they've just washed their hands in a public toilet - You've just touched the handles of something you touched with dirty hands and are now dirty again).
May 14, 2009 thomashwhite commented on Savage Love.
I'm tired of reading all of these comments about the boyfriend just sucking it up and using a condom because, hey, he'll learn to cum just fine with them. That's not always true. I've been a "mastubatory tool" for years because of the whole condom thing. I've never had much sensitivity in my penis and once you throw that condom on I have about zero. I can enjoy fucking my partner because of the joy that they are having, but I'm not going to get off no matter how long we fuck. However, I use the condoms when the situation calls for it. For their pleasure. This isn't a mental trip. It's a physical fact for me and the hundreds of times I've been someone's "dildo" hasn't changed that.

Unfortunately, it's often meant I have to fake an orgasm of my own and make sure my partner never sees the condom afterward. Too many people get hung up on the idea that you can't get off by fucking them. Then you have them feeling guilty or giving you guilt trips. When they can just accept that I can't get off with the condom, but that I'm still having fun then things go smoothly. That's when it can get really hot and nasty and all those other things that Dan talked about get thrown in to the equation.