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Dec 17, 2012 modernbar commented on Savage Love.
God, seandr, I hope you're a troll.

Your partner neglecting you doesn't give you a valid excuse to cheat on them. It gives you a reason to leave them, not an excuse to cheat. And I really think that's all it is - an excuse. I don't believe that naturally monogamous, honest, loyal men and women suddenly cheat because their partner has been cold lately or because they're horny or because some attractive stranger waves a magic wand. Those are all excuses people already predisposed to cheating use to rationalize their behavior.

Because cheating and neglect, or cheating and denial of sex, aren't equivalent. Neglect or denial of sex might make you feel lonely, insecure or pissed off, but that's the worst of it. Your blue balls are not going to actually fall off. But if your partner fully believes you to be monogamous, and you cheat on them and then have sex with them again before 9 months have passed and you've been tested, then in addition to the emotional pain you've caused (which may indeed be equivalent to the emotional pain they caused with their neglect), you risk giving them an incurable and potentially deadly STD they didn't agree to risk getting. You are taking a risk with their body, health and life without their permission, and I think that's a lot more fucked up than emotionally or sexually neglecting you.

So if my lover neglects me sexually or gets a lot fatter and lazier than when I met him, am I allowed to sabotage his car in a fit of rage and just hope it won't cause any injuries? I mean, it seems like I should be allowed to do that if I'm just supposed to accept that if I ever get lazy or disappoint him, he's entitled to risk my health. And I'm not very affected by "magic wands," but I sure do have a temper and am affected by rage, so.... All's fair in love and war I guess?

Honestly, cheaters just need to grow the fuck up. There are plenty of people who are open to open or poly relationships. Date one of them if you're so easily tempted by magic wands (general you, seandr, not assuming you are speaking about yourself.) Or have the balls to confront and leave people who are not satisfying you. You really shouldn't be in an adult relationship if you can't handle either of those options and just continue to make excuses for your unethical, dishonest behavior instead of trying to improve/avoid it in the future.
Dec 17, 2012 modernbar joined My Stranger Face
Dec 17, 2012 modernbar joined My Stranger Face