Jul 19 Mistrixx updated the link to his or her website.
Jul 19 Mistrixx commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My 13-Year-Old Son Is Watching Gay Porn.
When my son was in middle school, I used the family desktop to troubleshoot a problem with my Kenmore washer. When I input “Ken--” it autocompleted “Kendra Wilkinsons naked ass.” This was back when anything autocompleted had definitely been searched on the same computer. I immediately looked at his browsing history and saw that, in addition to being (probably) hetero, he was also looking for answers about normal development. I knew we needed to talk.

I waited a few days until we were on our way to hockey -- a 45 min drive with a captive audience! I started by telling him that I’d found he’d been looking at porn. It’s totally normal to look at porn, I said, and he jumped in immediately and said he knew it was normal. He was confident and unapologetic, but not belligerent. So I affirmed the popularity of porn. But also the banality of it. It isn’t representative of real sex or relationship and it shouldn’t be construed as such. And besides, I teased, he was supposed to be doing homework after school, not surfing for porn. Getting him to laugh made the rest of the conversation easy.

Because he was so young (13?), I encouraged him to, as Dan has said in the past, make himself datable at 18. Focus on making yourself smart, funny, fit, I said, all that stuff that makes people attractive. I also encouraged him to wait. When children delay sex and drugs they make better decisions about both. I made sure he grasped that this wasn’t a big fat no but rather a take your time. Wait. You’ll make better choices when you do engage.

But I’m a realist. So I got him to laugh again by saying if you decide to have sex anyway, make sure to use a condom because any girl stupid enough to have sex with you at 14, isn’t smart enough to be the mother of your baby.

This conversation -- not our first about sex but funny and thorough -- was the start of an openness about sex and drugs that has persisted as he’s grown into a man.

These main points (desire is normal, take it slow, love will happen for you, be safe, be smart, do your homework, I love you) should be communicated parent to child, regardless of orientation, and probably whether or not you find your kid’s stash.
Jan 2, 2013 Mistrixx commented on Savage Love.
How about conflating two questions? Whiskey shots from the navel.
Jan 2, 2013 Mistrixx updated the link to his or her website.
Jan 2, 2013 Mistrixx joined My Stranger Face