Jan 11, 2013
commented on RIP Bob Quinn
I had a few talks with Bob some years ago. I was drawn to him but he soon disclosed that he was relationally challenged: he said that growing up he had felt like there was no place for him in his family and he was easily overwhelmed by social and couple dynamics and needed to live a very simple life. Someone had suggested he get a dog so he could have a close relationship, and they were so right. I was concerned for him when Harris died. I moved away from the U-district in September and had already long ceased being something of a regular there, but I passed through once or twice recently and saw him looking disheveled and like he was in some kind of deep trouble. I did not know how to make contact and did not want to disturb him further. Now I wish I had tried, wish I could go back and do something! It did not occur to me that he could be suicidal. Like Bob I'd volunteered during the AIDS crisis, and the way I chose to help was to learn emotional support and I wish I could give him some now, if he would accept what he so freely gave.
Bob and I even rejected the same graduate program as pretentious and irrelevant. I wish we could have become colleagues. I believe we can prevent addiction, suicide, murder-suicide, abuse, war, and oppression if we discover how to truly help people heal from early trauma and deficits in nurturing and if we can get counseling to parents who have suffered these things. How about a memorial fund in Bob's name for that purpose? I don't remember if I showed him In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Dr. Gabor Mate' of BC, Canada, or just wanted to, but I think now how appropriate it might have been for them to know each other, work together. Though I didn't know Bob long, I feel deep sorrow.
I've been thinking of these songs by Jackson Browne and Bob Dylan: "Though Adam was a friend of mine, I did not know him long / And when I stood myself beside him, I never felt I was as strong / Still it seems he stopped his singing in the middle of his song..."
"Come all without, come all within / You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn" Peace.