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Aug 19, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Swinging Double Standards.
I certainly was not equating making men show up with a lady friend with racism. - I was trying to illistrate how some stereotypes are complete bullshit (my drug example) , and some stereotypes are based on some truth (dudes will be entitled jerks). That is all...
Aug 18, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Swinging Double Standards.
@83 - Not really, I think the letter writers as a whole have been fairly nuanced. Some stereotypes are much more based in truth than others, and power imbalances always magnify consequences. The stereotype of black people committing drug crimes is based on the fact that enforcement for black americans is so much higher than white americans, even though use rates are the same. In the case of the swingers club and in life in general, broad experience and much evidence shows that a significant portion of men are gonna be entitled assholes, and the power imbalance magnifies the consequences. I say all this as a man, and if you still think that I am painting with too broad a brush I offer you the support of Donald Trump's candidacy as exhibit B.

Its a fake letter anyway.
May 7, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Bonus Advice for WWWM & VIRGN.
I have conflict with my wife over my focus on jujitsu. Its pretty serious, brah!

lol, stupid 26 years olds.
Mar 29, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Terminator.
@47. I think EricaP answered pretty well for me @49. I have had happy, consensual, ongoing anal sex with women who have, at one point, also told me that they don't or won't ever have anal sex. My point was that there is a great deal of variability with whom, how, and when a person might be into or open to trying a given sex act, and there is no harm in asking or discussing trying something a person may not have been into before. Dan and the other readers fault the Dom for being pushy, re-negotiating in the middle of a sub scene, or trying to use a moment of submission to overcome her previously stated objections - I agree wholeheartedly and those are legit reasons to DTMFA. The Dom certainly didn't give the LW any reasons to consider opening her mind or her ass...
Mar 29, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Terminator.
@10 and others... Yes. 100% it is the LW's right to simply not like anal, not justify why, and to declare it off limits. A good Dom should not be renegotiating limits during sex. Having said that, I have met a fair number of women who didn't like anal because they had a bad experience, and a significant number of those women liked anal after they had a good experience. Many women are somewhere in the middle - they like their butt touched but not penetrated, or only penetrated with a tongue, or only in combination with some other sex act etc, depending a ton on mood, timing, and all the other variables of feeling sexy. Its totally legit for her dom to try to figure out why she does't like it so he can react/adjust appropriately - he just didn't react/adjust as he should have, especially if he was hoping to change her mind.
Mar 13, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love.
@88/89 - If that happens, its because you are not paying attention. You do have 3 senses to work with - sight, smell, and touch. We have a strong aversion to excrement - just as we have strong aversion to menstrual blood, snot, or piss mixed in with our sex acts. If you have much experience with butt sex you know that anything in there other than lube or spit is going to be uncomfortable and cause injury. If you are having anal sex and there is a mess, for both partners sake, stop, clean up, and try something else. Just like every other sex act, its not for everyone, and being GGG does not mean you have to do things that squick you out. A small risk of 'ew, I got something gross in my mouth' is waaaay less of a big deal than 'That rape scene went wrong and now my wife hates me and says/thinks I am a rapist'.
Mar 9, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on Savage Love.
@6 - ATM is a real thing, and can be practiced safely, despite what Dan has written here before - my wife and I have done it for years, and numerous times with thirds. Anal sex can be very clean, and as long everyone is aware and willing to stop at the first hint of anything fecal, its not any different than any other combination or order of sex acts. For both us, its hot as fuck - naughty, requires trust, and yes, it lines up with the porn we like too. As long we are disciplined about keeping everything clean and she pees immediatly after sex, there are no UTI or other problems. Cue outraged comments in 3, 2, 1....

Having said that, FAIL need to drop this asshat like a hot potato and find someone who cares about her pleasure as a priority - all the flags are red.

@1, @14, @8, @9 - I'm with all of you on this interpretation vs. Dan's. As the son of a rape survivor, with best friends who are rape survivors, what scares the shit out of me about any kind of 'forced sex' play is the super risky emotional territory. Even if you trust yourself as good guy being GGG, use safe words etc, the consequences of the scene going wrong are damn high, especially given what we know of her history as a survivor. Dan's idea to put it in writing is wise not so much for legal liability, but for emotional clarity in an 'after action review' if the scene results in regrets.
Jan 10, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on The Polyamorous Tipping Point.
Darkhorse.. Sorry if I was unclear. The relative age of the women writing to me has not changed, (the typical <10 years younger) just the quantity and quality. I've never had women older than me by more than a year contact me. The age range of women contacting me is a different age range than was hypothesized @4, and wholly uncorrelated with quantity/quality. all data is based on okc claimed ages, your results may vary ;)
Jan 10, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on The Polyamorous Tipping Point.
@29 - what lavagirl said @31. After 10 years of having sex with women she is not 'bi-curious'. And no, she has never fallen in love with a woman, but she isn't looking to, as she is happily married to me. She wants a new FWB, and clearly says so on her profile. Frankly, she would prefer to have her way with a clueless bi curious woman than have to worry about if she was 'performing her femininity' properly.
Jan 9, 2016 asymptoticbliss commented on The Polyamorous Tipping Point.
Its hard to tell on OKC who is catfishing..., but yes she reaches out to those that seem similar to her in OKC robot terms, and in overall 'style'. Does she appeal to dykes? I have no idea - but she is pretty squarely within the conventional 'feminine' beauty standard - petite, big boobs, cheekbones, long hair, fashion etc. She has a profile that is pretty square, talks about normal stuff like her passion for cooking and desire to go dancing etc. She doesn't want to talk much about sex on a profile that has her face, but she also tried the headless sexpot profile. She gets a little bit more attention there, mostly 'likes' from similar headless women and emails like 'Sup?' We are in NYC, which should be one of the best dating pools in the world. Baffling.