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dale1
Massachusetts
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Bio

Scientist and Renaissance man (by which I mean several centuries out of date)

TMI

  • Dicks or Vaginas
  • No legs and a million dollars or A million legs and no dollars
  • SF or LA
  • Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
  • What song do you want played at your funeral?: "Forest Lawn" by John Denver
May 7, 2013 dale1 commented on Savage Love.
I have to agree with both Dan and #6.

It's likely he's depressed. If he's willing to see a therapist and psychiatrist, give him a chance to take his medications and improve; he might be a good spouse again. If not, then even if he is depressed, you need his cooperation to make him better; that would mean you should move out.
Feb 26, 2013 dale1 commented on Savage Love.
There are certain risks to going on progesterone. It's not extremely common, but they can have mood-altering effects. Occasionally these might actually be good, and decrease natural moodiness, but frequently they're not.
Before going on a 10-year dose of the stuff, I'd suggest a 1-month trial period. (Or a copper IUD, if you prefer.)
Feb 6, 2013 dale1 commented on Savage Love.
@252: There are times when telling the truth can't be done in a sufficiently sensitive manner. My previous example was of honesty without any sensitivity, but there really isn't a sensitive way to honestly answer those relevant questions. (Do you think I'm less attractive with this extra weight? Do you think my friend is hotter than I am? Does it upset you when I get depressed?) You can try to avoid answering, but evasion is not honesty.

@256: Sometimes it's not just a threat. Sometimes a person is actually suicidal, something I have learned from personal experience. (Relatively) happily for me, nobody I was dating at the time or had recently broken up with has successfully committed suicide... I'd like to think this is partly because I have figured out when to be sensitive in telling the truth, and when the truth just isn't something that my S.O. can deal with at the time when the question is asked.

Lying is bad, but sometimes there really aren't good options.
Feb 5, 2013 dale1 commented on Savage Love.
@247: So, if asked by a depressed significant other whether their weight, which had been ballooning but is now stable and possibly decreasing, is problematic, honesty is really the best policy? Or is it more appropriate to be encouraging, and diplomatically encourage activities that will get their weight down and make them less depressed?

Don't get me wrong, my example was extreme. But having been asked the relevant questions myself in a previous relationship, I know that it can happen. (Yes, even the bit about the best friend was, in fact, asked.) Personally, I chose the option that I thought was less likely to end in suicide, since that was a serious risk at the time. It didn't end up saving the relationship, but it might have saved a life.

This is, of course, only tangentially related to the letter written to Dan up top... but seriously, honesty is NOT always the best policy. Period.
Feb 4, 2013 dale1 answered a bunch of weird questions about himself or herself.
Feb 4, 2013 dale1 updated his or her location.
Feb 4, 2013 dale1 updated his or her bio.
Feb 4, 2013 dale1 joined My Stranger Face
Feb 4, 2013 dale1 joined My Stranger Face
Feb 4, 2013 dale1 commented on Savage Love.
AFinch: I don't entirely disagree with you here.

As for the overall argument about honesty, however, here's a slightly less extreme example than the one posted a while back of how honesty can be less than the best policy.

"Dear, I know it's entirely because of a medical condition that you're going to the doctor for and which is starting to get under control, but the thirty pounds you've put on over the past year make you less attractive. I've started noticing other women more often because of that. Also, have you ever noticed how incredibly hot your best friend/sister/etc is? Oh, and by the way, I really dislike it when you're depressed."

Because, when it comes down to it, these are terrible things to say, even if they're not entirely untrue. Being supportive to one's significant other does sometimes mean telling them what they want to hear, or at least answering their question without telling them what they don't want to hear.
 
 

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