report this user
Dec 16, 2014 kindsight commented on Savage Love.
Christmas gift receiving letter writer might find it useful if she explicitly tells her boyfriends that gift giving (and receiving) is important to her as a way to communicate affection. At the same time, she should find out how her partner likes to give and receive affection - chances are pretty good it's not gifts and she might be missing it.
Nov 13, 2014 kindsight commented on SL Letter of the Day: Saying It.

No, people are just different. Some people express, and like to receive, affection and love as actions (like you), others want it affirmed with words. Some people want their actions as 'doing things' other people want their actions as physical intimacy. Other people want gifts.

There's no right and wrong, although if you assume your partners know what you like and don't tell them, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Oct 20, 2014 kindsight commented on SL Letter of the Day: Another Polyproblema.
It's clearly not about SNIP's bf fucking other people, it's about SNIP not wanting his partner involved in an ongoing emotional relationship or getting emotionally attached, and confusion over what poly means to each person.

You know what would clear up so many confusions? If people communicated what they wanted instead of throwing jargon or identities out there and assuming everyone understands them as the same thing (or even assuming that everyone understands them!)
Oct 16, 2014 kindsight commented on Savage Love.
@52 The main problem (or at least, one of the problems other than those you describe) with describing yourself as post mono-normative and calling it a day is that it only tells people what you don't want, it doesn't say anything about what you do want.

It's kinda like telling a partner you're not vanilla (post-vanilla!) and calling it a day, well thanks, but that's not very helpful in practice. And just because someone agrees to be not-vanilla or not-monogamous, doesn't mean they're up for anything.
Oct 5, 2014 kindsight commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hard to Swallow.
Absolutely agree, but this particular letter sure doesn't sound like an example of that.

An open relationship is always a possibility, but the relationship is so new and his particular needs are a non-issue for so many women that it seems like the wrong move. I'll admit that I might be influenced by having witnessed a not-insignificant number of friends and acquaintances opening their relationship as a way to avoid the confrontation of dumping a partner, which doesn't seem especially ethical to me.
Oct 5, 2014 kindsight commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hard to Swallow.
This is clearly a case of swallowing being this guy's pretty mild kink. Which means approaching it like every other "This is my number 1 kink", you decide whether you can do without it for the course of the relationship or you leave, and when your partner isn't even approaching GGG - for whatever reason - the answer seems like a foregone conclusion.
Sep 9, 2014 kindsight commented on Savage Love.
UNCUT could also go to a regular doctor who can try less drastic things than circumcision, like an off-label prescription of an SSRI antidepressant if the doctor thinks it's suitable.
Sep 8, 2014 kindsight commented on SL Letter of the Day: You Can't Please Everybody.
That second letter is whatever it's called when a feminist does herself some good ol' mansplaining. As if Dan didn't know all that already.
Jun 17, 2014 kindsight commented on Savage Love.
@16 I don't know whether you're being ironic given the entire point of OSW's letter, but I was simply relisting the things from the original letter, and never implied that that all men are doing that. Merely that those who do know enough to not say so in front of men who make it known they support women, just as they hide it from women.

Jun 17, 2014 kindsight commented on Savage Love.

Just want to point out that men are not in a super secret society who share all their stories. In particular, men who actively voice their support for feminism and drop sexist friends quickly find themselves in a position where they are no longer welcome in traditional male spaces and are excluded from the dialogues where other men reveal that they're cheating on their partners/raping and drugging women/slut-shaming anyone and everyone. That, or the stories are not told in our presence, just like when women are present.

@11 It should probably also be noted that there are lots of poly people without emotional awareness and good communication skills who do it 'badly' and they are every bit as polyamorous as monogamous people who do it badly.