Aug 5, 2015 FunFact commented on Savage Love.
LW1: I was in the same situation. Whenever I asked my college boyfriend to stop smoking weed so he could get a job - rough demands, I know - he became so mean. The first day, it would just be little snide remarks. Second day, insults and name calling. Third day, I'd wake up and brace myself - because I knew that day I would be physically assaulted - and I always was. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And then he'd say, "Now can I get some fucking weed?" (I did finally leave him after he threatened to kill me - I hope you leave your bf too - no amount of money is worth the abuse.)

I hate when people say, "Its not the weed. He's just an asshole!" It was the weed. And he was addicted to it. If you knew someone who was nice then got addicted to meth and they got crazy, would you say, "Oh, he was just an asshole waiting to come out!" No, you'd say, "Meth fucked him up."

Weed just does that to some people. Its not a harmless plant. I believe it should be legal. I believe we should stop locking people up. And it also causes major mental health issues for some people. And that's hard for cannabis connoisseurs to admit.
More...
Feb 7, 2013 FunFact commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Birthday Girl.
Like, nothing in my heart said, "Hurt this boy. Use him all you want for your own desires."

Everything in my heart said, "Show him the funnest weekend ever. Give him everything he wants. Be the best thing that's ever happened to him."

Those were my only goals. And my execution was flawed, for which I'm sorry and would change if I could. Dan says that doesn't make me a bad person. I'm cool with that.
Feb 7, 2013 FunFact commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Birthday Girl.
And thanks for all your comments! I appreciate them in my quest to be a better person, better lover, and better partner!
Feb 7, 2013 FunFact commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Birthday Girl.
No. I did my best. And it wasn't perfect. Next time, I'll do better. And I told him that I was deeply sorry. Sleeping with me wasn't a condition of his visit and I communicated that before he came up. I told him while we were sober and clothed. He told me that he wanted to be treated like an adult. And he is really mature for his age, he's following his dreams and confident, and sometimes he makes stupid choices (sorry for the idiot comment - I was using earlier language).

I'm not going to say, "Hey I've got this scary horrible lifelong disease that terrible and painful and if you get it no one will ever have sex with you again so only touch me with a 10 foot pole if you hate getting laid." That would be stupid.

I genuinely thought I was clear. I genuinely tried to protect him and disclose. I could have said nothing - there was a good chance I would never see him again - but I wanted to be honest, as I am with EVERY partner (even the major douchebags - which he's not - lots of the comments say he is). I chose those words carefully, at least I was trying to. I did my best. That's all I can do.

I cared about him, and I definitely didn't want to hurt him or cause drama. I wanted to follow the campsite rule. I wouldn't have written in if I didn't care that my actions affected someone. You may think I'm a bad person. But the worst that could come out of this is he gets HSV1 (which he isn't even sure of). And the best is that he starts ALWAYS USING A CONDOM. (And that I resume insisting on condoms as I had done for the prior 11 years.) I think it's a net gain in his life. My conscience is 99.9% clear. I can move on.
More...
Feb 7, 2013 FunFact commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Birthday Girl.
I heard lots of shame up there about having herpes. I also made a spreadsheet analyzing the opinions in the comments, and the reaction is mixed on whether I did a horrible job disclosing, an adequate but not optimal, or a perfectly fine job disclosing. The biggest consensus is that birthday present boy is an idiot. Which is probably true, and I also understand his feelings being angry. Obviously, I got herpes from someone at some point, and he never told me that he had it before he gave it to me. He knew he got cold sores, but hadn't had one in 20 years, and didn't go down on me. It was random and unexpected and we were doing low transmission stuff. It sucked, and I got over it.
Next time, I'll still say cold sores, but follow up to check that my partner knows what that means. But if there is a plane involved, I still might not say anything until he gets to me. I told him before he came, "hey, no pressure when you get here. I think you are really cool and I'm attracted to you, but if you get here and we dont click or if one of us decides that we don't want to have sex, its ok." I really thought he understood when I said "cold sores." During the first conversation, he acted like he wanted to get off the subject, looked me in the eye and said "It's not a big deal" and smiled, so I didn't press it. After I disclosed, he could have said, "What does that mean, can you give me more info?" and then could have said, "this is a weekend fling and herpes is forever and even though the risk is low it's just not worth it." And, disappointed, I would have been like, "ok." But he didn't follow up with anything. I really was trying my best.
More...
Feb 7, 2013 FunFact commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Birthday Girl.
LW here again - @144 and @145, I wasn't saying that I'm so hot that I don't have to disclose. I was trying to use objective evidence that I am still a valuable person worthy of love, that I'm completely date-able, and more than fuckable, despite having HSV1. It would be stupid for me to sit back and remove myself from the dating pool for a tiny thing like a rash that almost everyone has or will get in their lifetime. I'm charming, and sweet, and outgoing, and genuine, and passionate, and witty and funny - it would be a shame to the world if I just curled up in a ball and never left the house again.

Birthday Present Boy still says he had a great weekend and he also admits that he was being stupid for not being more curious about my status before fucking me without a condom.
Feb 6, 2013 FunFact joined My Stranger Face
Feb 6, 2013 FunFact commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Birthday Girl.
LW here - I used "cold sore" because that is what it is, it's HSV1, most commonly known as cold sores because they are usually on the face. I told him about it while he was hanging out and I was working from home during the afternoon, both fully clothed - no horniness to obsfucate his judgement. I told him the risk of transmission was low because I was on therapy, because it is. Statistically, he is more likely to already have it (or end up not being positive anyways) than for me to give it to him over 3 days without an outbreak while on therapy. And yeah, "herpes" has a stigma that is unwarrented. I guess should have told him before I paid for the trip, but honestly, it is such a small part of my life that I forgot until a day or two before. So I thought a face to face conversation was best. I should have insisted on condom use, but he was also rubbing his bare cock all over me several times the day before we had anal and the day after. I also had already given him a blowjob before I disclosed - it was unprotected and he didn't request a condom - thats a really good way to get herpes too. I thought he was being stupid when he turned down a condom for anal, but he said several times over the trip, "I'm an adult," so I was letting him choose the risk level he was comfortable with. I may have herpes, but I'm smart (baller job, 4.0 degree in math, national merit finalist), considerate (vegan for the animals, don't drive for the earth), giving (paid close to 400 for the plane ticket, drugs, all expenses), and fucking HOT as hell (5'11, 34D, blonde, size 6, triathlete, blue eyes, big smile). And I am still valuable and worthy of love and affection despite my STD status, esp. since almost everyone already has it too.
More...