Achieve the Four Modernizations.

Jan 14 biggie commented on Savage Love.
I think Dan missed some options for WHWLAB. Obviously her boyfriend is straight and any type of male-male interaction is not going to happen and she shouldn't push that.

But there is a whole lot of space between MF couple sex and MMF bi-male sex for a woman to enjoy the company of two men without the men having to interact with each other. Not all MMF threesomes involve contact between the guys. If WHWLAB just wants two guys at the same time, that can certainly be arranged with two heterosexual guys.

WHWLAB might try asking her BF if he would one of the males in activities that don't involve male-male contact, like blowing her boyfriend while the other guy has sex with her, or the other way around, or him watching her, or the other guy watching them...

WHWLAB might also suggest another couple; then there are two men available, but the boyfriend might be comfortable with an even ration and/or his own distraction.

Dan is right though that MMF threesomes with one straight and one bi guy are definitely not a good idea, and her boyfriend is definitely straight, and she should definitely NOT push any type of male-male interaction... it's not going to happen.
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Oct 2, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
Ok, has anyone considered the idea that BK sent the guy a picture of his whatever BECAUSE HE THINKS IT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS? "Haha, you wanted to talk to this girl and all you got was a picture of my penis/shit/whatever."

Many people (including myself) would disagree about whether that's actually funny, but disagreement over what is and isn't funny does not necessarily a controlling asshole make.
Jun 5, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
All this advice about suing the husband is piss poor advice. Sue him for what? He's just as broke as she is!

Heartbroken needs to decide whether she wants to potentially reconcile a romantic relationship with her husband. Regardless of that decision, she also needs to seize control of her family's finances so that her husband does not have the ability to access any funds and, should she try and work things out, put him on an allowance.

And she needs to consult an attorney who can tell her what obligations and options she has in the state she resides in.
Jun 4, 2013 biggie commented on SL Letter of the Day: My Ex-Boyfriend.
In fairness, you can be straight as in only-want-romantic-relationships-with-the-opposite-sex, and bi as in still-like-some-same-gender-action. (or gay/bi in the same way.)

I've met a few people who only engage in romantic relationships with one gender but like sex with both genders.
May 22, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
@55: I had a similar situation in college, only the girl shifted to cause penetration. She was on top, so it took a fairly forceful grab of the hips and relocation to get her off (as in no longer on).

Never felt an apology was necessary ... learned after that that if you've got your naughty bits grinding against each other and you don't want actual sex you really need to say so as penetration is the obvious next step.

This goes back to my previous sex ed post - if someone moves your clothing to the point that your penis or vagina is exposed and your penis/vagina is anywhere in the general vicinity of the other party's penis/vagina, and you DON'T want penetration, this is the time where you need to say so, because the obvious next step when two uncovered penises/vaginas are next to each other is, well... that's what they were built for.
May 22, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
LW#1 is a victim... of poor sex education. The experience she had, at least the best guess as to the experience she had according to the letter, was completely normal. The problem is, nobody ever set her expectations as to what a normal interaction between two sexually inexperienced people might be like.

Our American puritanical values have left virtually everyone learning how to conduct their sex lives through trial and error. The natural consequence of the trial and error method is a lot of error. And some of those error are going to include the parties getting more sexual contact than they would care for.

But... and here's the tip for all you sexually inexperienced folks who are lucky enough to be reading the comments for this column ... you don't have to verbally ask to get permission! I've probably touched one or both boobs in well over 100 sets of boobs. I can't recall ever specifically asking, "May I touch your boob?" It's awkward and most of the time the last thing a girl who really wants you to touch her boob wants you to do is stop and specifically, verbally ask if you can touch her boob.

For virtually any sort of basic sexual contact, you can telegraph your intent and give the other party opportunity to decline. In the case of boobs, make sure you remove the bra first. If there is no bra or it's been removed for a while, slowly run your hands along the skin in the direction of the boobs. If you're going downstairs, don't just throw your hand down the pants; unbutton them first, or if there's no buttons, to a little playing with the waistband.

The important part is, go slow! It gives the other party the chance to redirect you, and a little teasing will likely make for a better experience anyway.

Receiving parties: When hands or other things start going towards areas where you would prefer they were not, that's your opportunity to redirect! Block, or grab and redirect to where you'd like them to go, or just say, "No, grab my (whatever)".

If we had sex education that included basic lessons in sexual communication, we'd avoid a lot of situations like LW#1.
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Apr 7, 2013 biggie commented on SL Letter of the Day: Porn Conundrum.
This one is easy - any sane evaluation of the risk/reward results in destroy the tapes.

If the tapes are discovered by ANYONE, it is going to have an immediate, severe consequence on your life. Even if both you and your girlfriend have every intention of keeping them a secret, you never know when someone else in either of your homes might come across them - what if either of you ends up with a nosy roommate or significant other? And that assumes your girlfriend is acting with entirely honest intentions.

And once found, it's very likely the existence of the tapes will be reported. And maybe you'll be lucky and you won't be prosecuted - but you'll still have the FBI show up at your house, you'll still be questioned, you'll still be in your local news paper as the guy interviewed by the FBI with the sex tapes of 14-year-olds. And while maybe morally it's OK that the tape is of you and by you, there are going to be plenty of people in your community who will forever think that you are a sick, sick fuck. "Why did he keep the tapes? Does he enjoy videos of 14-year-olds? IS HE GOING TO TRY AND TAKE VIDEO OF MY 14 YEAR OLD?!?!" Parents are crazy, and this just isn't something you want out there.

There is a lot more liability here than just the legal liability - you can get not prosecuted at all, but still have significant damage done to your life if it just gets out that you still have videos of your 14-year-old girlfriend.

DESTROY THE TAPES!
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Apr 2, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
Advising "waiting a hear and maybe your wife will give you a pass to explore your fantasy with a chick with a dick" is about the same as advising "But a bunch of scratch-offs and you might get enough money to pay off your credit cards."

Sure, that outcome is possible, but it's not very likely, especially if it's already causing relationship friction.
Apr 2, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
Geez Dan, what's gotten into you?

Fortunately, there's an answer to a girlfriend who withholds sex to get you to do what they want: DTMFB.

It's like negotiating with terrorists.
Jan 30, 2013 biggie commented on Savage Love.
What does SAD mean by interactive porn?

If it's a game, ok, but if her boyfriend is talking to another actual person and directing a scene or action (cam girls) that's a bit more than just "looking at porn".

I've been in relationships with some pretty progressive women, but any instance where you can ask someone to "say your name" and have your request fulfilled is probably not something you should do in a relationship without specifically communicating about it first.
 
 

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