repinions
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Feb 16, 2013 repinions commented on Savage Love.
The problem I see with the LW dad's objectives is that he is trying to accomplish too much at once.

1. He wants to find out his son's sexual orientation, which his son may well not know yet.

2. He wants to encourage his son to feel that it's safe to share with his father whatever he may know/wonder about his own sexual orientation.

3. He wants to know what kind of relationship his son has with his best friend, and if it has a sexual dimension, he'd like to place some limits on that.

The one thing that all these goals have in common is that they depend on trust. For that reason, it's important that whatever the LW does toward achieving these goals builds and strengthens the trust between the parent and the child.

I don't think that telling the kid that you've discovered his intimate secrets (porn viewing and possible sexual orientation) and that you don't want him to close the door to his bedroom or be alone with his best friend is likely to build the sort of trust that's required here.

The only thing that's missing from this discussion is the one person whose thoughts and feelings we do not know, even though they matter the most.

The LW is asking how to ask what those are, but there's no one here who can tell him.
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Feb 16, 2013 repinions joined My Stranger Face
Feb 16, 2013 repinions commented on Savage Love.
The problem I see with the LW dad's objectives is that he is trying to accomplish too much at once.

1. He wants to find out his son's sexual orientation, which his son may well not know yet.

2. He wants to encourage his son to feel that it's safe to share with his father whatever he may know/wonder about his own sexual orientation.

3. He wants to know what kind of relationship his son has with his best friend, and if it has a sexual dimension, he'd like to place some limits on that.

The one thing that all these goals have in common is that they depend on trust. For that reason, it's important that whatever the LW does toward achieving these goals builds and strengthens the trust between the parent and the child.

I don't think that telling the kid that you've discovered his intimate secrets (porn viewing and possible sexual orientation) and that you don't want him to close the door to his bedroom or be alone with his best friend is likely to build the sort of trust that's required here.

The only thing that's missing from this discussion is the one person whose thoughts and feelings we do not know, even though they matter the most.

The LW is asking how to ask what those are, but there's no one here who can tell him.
More...