Apr 16, 2013 Thamea joined My Stranger Face
Apr 16, 2013 Thamea joined My Stranger Face
Apr 16, 2013 Thamea joined My Stranger Face
Apr 16, 2013 Thamea joined My Stranger Face
Apr 16, 2013 Thamea commented on Savage Love.
I have a friend who developed a creative solution to the "shy sub" problem. After having the necessary talk where they establish the basics (safeword, protection, off-limits stuff), she gives her subs a "red diary." It's a distinct book with a red cover, the idea being that the subs can write their fantasies in it... in whatever format they prefer... and then leave it out in the open where she can find it. They have no way of knowing when she last read it, or what scenario she might pick, and it allows the sub to play up the illusion that this is all spontaneous. One of her subs wrote all the stuff in his diary in the negative... "I had a nightmare last night where my mistress caught me masturbating and made me sleep on the floor in the basement" or "I'm praying she never makes me wear the hood again." Once they'd established that this was how his diary worked, it enhanced the roleplay.

I know another couple who adopted something similar, outside the context of a D/s relationship, where they both have "snoop diaries" where they write down things they want to try, and the other person then has the opportunity to read that diary and think about it in a non-pressure context. Sometimes it's easier to write "dear diary, I have a fantasy about batgirl" than to say "honey, could you dress up like batgirl?" to give a mild example. In their case it was more of a jumping-off point for future discussions and the occasional surprise.

If direct email breaks the spell, set up a situation where you're not writing to the other person, you're just writing down your thoughts and leaving them in a specific, explicitly established place for the other person to "find."
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