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9:56 PM yesterday XiaoGui17 commented on I, Anonymous.
I've seen "fond memories, still miss you" birthday posts for the passed, but not "hope we can catch up soon!"
4:42 PM yesterday XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Not Another DTMFA?!? Yes! Another DTMFA!.
I have an ex that was like this with smoking. I went from non-smoker (save the occasional hookah rental or hit off a friend's e-cig) to two packs a day in the three years we were together.

This was an abuser's way of controlling and isolating me. I couldn't move back in with my parents to get away from him and his crap, because I'd have to quit cold turkey. (My dad, an ex smoker, had zero tolerance for it.)

I tried to quit several times while with him. Every time, it was ended the same way. I'd get upset with him, he'd shut down my legitimate grievance with "you're just bitchy because you haven't had a cigarette," and I'd have one in a (futile) attempt to get him to listen and see that the issue I was raising was serious.

Getting me to smoke was also his way of shutting down any complaints I might have about his smoking (he left butts everywhere, he smoked indoors and stunk up everything, he spent so much on tobacco, beer and weed that he skipped bills consistently).
Jul 19 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love.
Great advice to HELPME.

Even if we assume Mr. Cold-Feet, Hurt-Before, Not Yet Over The One That Got Away (a dime-a-dozen type, btw) isn't consciously trying to deceive you, what he's doing is manipulative. Even if he doesn't realize it, what he's doing is creating an everlasting challenge.

He's telling you he has to offer nothing in the way of commitment and emotional security. Which would be fine, if he were up front about it. But yet he dangles it just beyond reach, leaving you to keep striving.

Yet you, in turn, must bend over backwards to prove yourself worthy of his unattainable loyalty. And you must do this because of a problem for which you are not responsible.

But of course his commitment issues are not his fault, and he's the victim, so you feel bad for him, and indeed would feel guilty if you called him on it.

As the Church Lady would say, "How convenient."

Even if he's sincere, he's a psychic vampire. DTMFA.
Jul 15 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Crazy Soon-To-Be-Ex-Girlfriend.
"I don't think this is a DTMFA situation at this point and I think suggesting that was ableist...I guarantee these actions are coming from her being in a living hell that her mental illness is causing."

Describing mental illness as though it excused flagrant emotional abuse is ableist. You wouldn't recommend someone stick around with a neurotypical abuser, would you? Mental illness doesn't excuse her behavior any more than being Asian does. As terrible as her living hell may be, she lost the right to sympathy when she started dragging him down into it with her. If it's that horrible for her, she should know not to inflict it on others.
Jul 4 XiaoGui17 commented on Bernie Supporters Plan to Disrupt Acceptance Speech by First Woman Nominated by a Major Party With "Fart-In Protest".
Didn't Savage once post a link to an article that highlighted a proposed fart-in as a seriously considered tactic when he suggested transpeople stage a protest by occupying public restrooms?

Why, yes he did. Even block-quoted the segment regarding the fart-in.

You think these Sanders supporters dug up that 1972 Playboy interview on their own? You think they independently came up with this idea, complete with the name? Or maybe they got the idea after reading Slog...
Jul 3 XiaoGui17 commented on An Actually Reasonable Email From an Actually Sane Sanders Supporter.
@53: If states' rights is a libertarian principle, I'm Mother Teresa.

Sure, you'll find plenty of states' rights nuts (militia conspiratorial types) who identify as libertarians--only because (1) they want to express their discontent with "teh system" by voting for someone other than the main two, (2) they don't understand what libertarian means, and (3) the only other third party with anything resembling traction is the Green Party, and even they have enough perception to realize that isn't their speed.

Libertarian principles put individual rights above all else, and as such, are not on board with states having the "right" to violate their residents' individual rights. I'm a dyed-in-the-wool libertarian, and I'm all about the incorporation doctrine. It makes no sense to say individual rights are inalienable in one breath, and then to say states have the right to trample them in the next. I wrote off Ron Paul completely when he said the incorporation doctrine was "phony."

And I can see cases where states' rights can be a stop-gap measure to liberty when a few states are a bit ahead of the nation as a whole. For instance, back when same-sex marriage was first gaining steam, a state-recognized same-sex marriage was better than none at all. (DOMA could be viewed as a violation of states' rights.) Same with medical and recreational marijuana decriminalization, sanctuary states, etc.
Jul 3 XiaoGui17 commented on An Actually Reasonable Email From an Actually Sane Sanders Supporter.
Practically selecting the lesser of two evils only makes sense in swing states, in my opinion. When your state is a solid, unwavering red or blue, you might as well vote for whoever you like best, regardless of their odds of winning, since it isn't going to change the outcome.

Also, he's a "strait" white male? Is he a country singer?
Jun 22 XiaoGui17 commented on Queer Issue: My Girlfriend and I Just Visited North Carolina, and We Did Not Get Beat Up.
@10 I'm bisexual, and I'm all about stable, cohesive family units and capitalism. If you feel your family is threatened, maybe focus on what needs to be fixed in your life instead of scapegoating the scary gays.
Jun 12 XiaoGui17 commented on 50 Dead In Worst Mass Shooting in US History — Gunman Opened Fire In Crowded Gay Nightclub In Orlando.
@33: Maybe he took our down because he realized it could be misconstrued and was in poor taste, given the timing. Would you have given him the benefit of the doubt had he left it up?

@74: I have no doubt that bigots exist, or that they would be crass enough to celebrate this. What I doubt is that such a high-profile politician's PR team would do so.

I don't think he's a saint. I just know that people in his position usually do plan their Tweets well in advance, and the Tweets are usually posted by interns. If you believe a politician's social media posts are from the guy himself, I've got this bridge...
Jun 12 XiaoGui17 commented on 50 Dead In Worst Mass Shooting in US History — Gunman Opened Fire In Crowded Gay Nightclub In Orlando.
@9 (and DAN) : Which do you think is more likely that am extremely PR-conscious politician deliberately Tweeted support for a mass shooter, or that (as he claimed) this was a generic Bible quote of the week he scheduled weeks in advance that just happened to coincide with a tragedy?