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Apr 21 XiaoGui17 commented on Police Reports Illustrated: Two Women Wait For Cake.
@8: I'm having déjà vu to a previous police reports illustrated in which there was similar shoplifting by two women, also intercepted by a store clerk, that also escalated to robbery when they threw merchandise at the clerk, with a similar puntastic getaway quip, with similar comments about whether the pun actually happened or was artistic embellishment, and a legal explanation of how the assault escalated what would have been petty larceny to robbery.

If I recall correctly, it involved a wheel of cheese.

Ah, here we go. Small world of punny, assaulty shoplifters and astute commenters.
Apr 15 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Soon Should He Bring Up His DUIs?.
@36: I stand by this being a common issue in dating for me. It has been. It's also been a common bit of history that plagued a great many platonic hetero male friends.

It's one thing to date the guy who says all his exes are crazy. That's a red flag. Obviously, he's the common denominator. It's quite another thing if he had that one crazy ex. I'd say about 80% of men I've encountered have "that one crazy ex," and of that 80%, maybe a little over half were too young and naive at the time to get away before she got to calling the cops out of spite.

It's pretty easy to screen. If he mentions the cray cray ex, ask around about her. Heck, Google her and see how many mugshots pop up. Sometimes the cray cray ex really is cray cray. Sometimes it's him. Sometimes they're a match made in Arkham Asylum.

My point is that, friend or boyfriend, I wouldn't immediately shriek and run the other way if something like that came up. Which isn't to say it was never a bad sign-- sometimes it was. But there were enough times when it wasn't a bad sign that it was worthwhile digging deeper before casting judgment.

And I'm far from alone in that. So I figure other criminal blemishes could be treated similarly.
Apr 13 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Soon Should He Bring Up His DUIs?.
I will clarify that the laws were recently changed regarding sex offender registration, and now people who were sex offenders as minors are no longer registered. But a few years ago, they were.
Apr 13 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Soon Should He Bring Up His DUIs?.
Holy macaroni, BiDanFan. Sorry I didn't write a book of qualifications on an internet comment to satisfy your standards. I'm sorry I didn't put in a three- paragraph disclaimer that I considered that I was getting only one side and that I took it seriously and watched for other warning signs. And way to victim-blame with, "Well, if women buy this load of crap, no wonder they keep getting the crap smacked out of them!"

So allow me to elaborate.

I live in Texas. The age of consent in Texas is 17. There are no "Romeo and Juliet" laws in Texas, which means a 16 year old can end up a registered sex offender for sleeping with another 16 year old. Lifelong shaming, address and headshot a matter of public record. It is not infrequent in the Bible-thumping rural region in which I live (where purity balls are a thing) for daddy to press charges on his teenage daughter's boyfriend.

I have never dated a registered sex offender. My husband once did hook up with a girl he met in a 21 & up bar who it turned out was a teenage runaway. He was in his 20's at the time. It did not lead to criminal charges, but it easily could have, and he is very fortunate that it did not. He had no reason when they first hooked up to suspect that she was a teenager. Do you think he should have checked her ID? Do you think I'm naive for accepting this and letting it slide?

And yes, I am well aware that there are sleazebags who take advantage of those too young to know any better. I am well aware that oftentimes rape of a victim who happens to be underage is prosecuted as "statutory rape" when it's rape by any standard, because it's easier to prove in court. I know that abusers and aggressors-- both male and female-- often slant stories to make themselves appear as the victim. So I take any such claim with a grain of salt, and seek to verify.

As for the domestic violence call, that was also something that once happened to my husband. His girlfriend at the time was rip-roaring drunk and started waving a gun in his face. He tried to call 911, she tackled the phone away from him. He left because he was scared. This was the days before cell phones, so he couldn't call 911 from his cell phone. Of course, once the police arrived at her place, she flipped the story between aggressor and victim, and he was arrested.

I spoke to several other people who knew the ex, and they confirm that she was violent, erratic, and a pathological liar. They told me that she made false accusations against people to try to drive wedges between them and isolate victims, that she drugged people without their knowledge because she got bored and wanted to get the party started, that she instructed her friend to shoot her dog because she didn't want it anymore (taking it to a shelter, selling it on Craigslist, or even taking it to a vet to be put down wasn't good enough--she insisted on having it shot in front of her). Pretty much everyone I spoke to who ever encountered her confirms that she was an extremely disturbed person.

And having known him for years, I know that he is not a batterer. Do you think I'm naive for believing him?

Misogynistic? How so? I didn't say "women are evil, lying monsters." But I know that evil, lying monsters exist, and some of them are women. That's not misogynistic.
Apr 12 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Soon Should He Bring Up His DUIs?.
Besides DUIs, here's the two most common legal bits of baggage I've seen as a woman dating men:

1) Underage girl (like 16, not 12) lied about being an adult (and/ or he met her in a bar and reasonably assumed, since the bar was 21 and up, that she was over 21). Now he's a registered sex offender for statutory rape because her daddy found out about his daughter's trysts and directed his anger at the guy.

2) A crazy ex girlfriend committed domestic violence against him, cops were called, he was dragged off in cuffs after she broke out the crocodile tears when they arrived.

If women can--and they do-- date men who, at first blush, have records that imply they are sexual predators ands batterers, I'd hope gay men can recognize someone who learned his lesson from an old couple of DUIs.

The sexual hang-ups sound like a way bigger issue to me.
Apr 2 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Uninvited Touching from Strangers and Ghosts.
@43 The underwear statement is as vague and hazy as her memory likely was, and she neither says someone else removed them not that she did. I'm using context clues.

The fact that the guy turned her down and "seconds later" she remembers "going to his room" seems to add up to her being the sexual aggressor. If that were the case, he'd be absolutely justified in kicking her out.
Mar 30 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Uninvited Touching from Strangers and Ghosts.
I think Donny @38 has it right. Some people seem to be misremembering the letter, so let's review:

Long story short, I was already pretty drunk but I can take my alcohol well, we get back to his place with one other friend of his, we take one shot of jaeger and half a beer and I black out.

LW does not say she wasn't that drunk, or that these were "circumstances where she feels she'd usually be able to handle her drink" (BiDanFan @26). On the contrary, she said she was "already pretty drunk" and then had a shot and half a beer on top of that.

What people seem to be remembering as "I wasn't all that drunk" was actually "I was pretty blitzed, but it's okay cause I have a talent for holding my liquor." (In my experience, that's something that habitual binge drinkers say to justify what they recognize as otherwise reckless drinking.)

Drugs are not necessary to explain why someone who was already six sheets to the wind blacked out after additional drinking.

It's also inaccurate to say she remembered someone else removing her panties. Read again:

Before I blacked out I remember coming onto him and him being a gentleman about it and saying no. Then seconds later I can barely stand up straight and I remember going to his room. I vaguely remember my underwear coming off.

So she hit on him, he turned her down, and then she went back to his room, and her underwear shimmied down her legs all on their own, from how she describes it. Maybe she was too blacked out to remember, or maybe she's fudging the detail, but it seems to me most likely that she removed her own panties.

Ockham's Razor says the simplest explanation is probably the right one.

Simple: the party who continued to come onto someone after already being rejected disrobed themself because they were a sexually aggressive drunk, and fudged that detail due to black out/ embarrassment.

Complex: the party who had the opportunity to have consensual sex instead turned it down and opted to sexually assault the formerly willing person later because twisted reasons.

I think the former is more likely.

Why would she wander, or be escorted, out of a house far from where she's staying without her phone and panties?

I'd like you to put yourself in Mr Barcelona's shoes. Someone hits on you. You politely decline. The next thing you know, this blackout, sloppy drunk is coming at you again, barging into your room, taking off their clothes and won't take no for an answer.

Sounds scary, doesn't it? Do you, probably pretty blitzed yourself and feeling threatened, carefully escort this person through your place to make sure they've collected all their belongings before calling them a cab? Or do you show them out the door ASAP and lock it behind them? Maybe shove their underwear through the letterbox?
Mar 24 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Needs Help! NOW!.
*done something wrong
Mar 24 XiaoGui17 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Needs Help! NOW!.
@13 - It's not exclusively middle - aged women of average appearance that endure this crap, though. Many young, apparently naive, even especially attractive women wonder if they're being unreasonable or if they've does something wrong when it's their partner who is an absolute fucktrumpet.
Mar 23 XiaoGui17 commented on I, Anonymous: Seattle's Tech-xism Problem.
@23 Federal law is at will too, with a few exceptions

@15 State law may not prohibit firing without cause, but nothing in state law prevents a contract with tenure.