Calico Cat
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May 17 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Cheated. He Got The Clap. What Does She Owe Him?.
Cap @ 82: I think that maybe one's inclination towards monogamy vs. polyamory is on a scale. My ex is at the most extreme of naturally monogamous -- I don't think he was lying, I really don't think that he was tempted at all. From the way he described it, once he was in a relationship with someone, the part of his brain that looked at and evaluated the potential attractiveness of others just shut off. I'm more inclined towards monogamy than not (monogamish at most) but I don't have that "brain switch" that turns off, and this was something that I could never communicate to him in a way that worked.

It was my first serious relationship and one of the things I learned from it was that, even if I choose to be in a monogamous relationship, I never want to be with someone who is that monogamous again. I think it was just a serious mismatch, though my ex framed it as some kind of virtue on his part. He is married to someone now who seems to be just as naturally monogamous as he is.
May 16 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Cheated. He Got The Clap. What Does She Owe Him?.
BDF @ 79: I think that distinction between someone being naturally monogamous vs. not was one of the reasons my last relationship was so unhappy. It was toxic in a lot of ways, but he was naturally monogamous in that way, while I am not. And so to him, the fact that I was attracted to other people at all -- even if I didn't act on it -- made him insecure and jealous. He seemed to think it meant I didn't love him enough. Eventually I just stopped telling him, but it led to me feeling unhappy and guilty and trying to suppress it, which of course didn't work.
May 10 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dating While Ace.
@18 Mtn. Beaver: I'm not really a fan of demisexuality as an orientation either. I know hookups are a thing but there are plenty of people who prefer to get to know someone better before having sex, or are selective about partners. I guess I just don't get how it needs to be a "thing" and not just part of the normal spectrum of human behavior, but I guess all labels are like that to some degree, like you say. I just feel slightly put off by it though, I think because they're trying to set up a contrast to something that may not actually be as widespread as they think? I also find the way it's described can sometimes seem judgmental or slut-shamey.
May 6 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
It was those water inserts she made me wear, not a padded bra specifically. At least they had sparkles! But I felt like she was saying my boobs were inadequate. I thought the dress I wore looked okay on me without them.
May 6 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
I've felt resentful of padded bras ever since my mom made me wear one to a wedding as a teenager because I couldn't fill out a single dress. Maybe she was right....
May 5 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
EmmaLiz @68: I'm pear-shaped too, and I think that's probably my biggest issue with my body overall... not the tiny boobs themselves but that they don't look "balanced" with my bottom half. That, and how clothes tend to be cut, even in the petite section. Recently I had a job interview so I dressed up more than I usually do (my current job is casual). I had to buy some new clothes since I hadn't kept any of the pre-weight gain and loss stuff, and while I found a white blouse and jacket that mostly fit/are flattering, anything that fits in the shoulders and arms tends to have a lot of empty, baggy space that it assumes will be filled by boobs. I don't think anyone noticed but it made me more self-conscious than I normally am.
May 4 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
BDF @56: Thanks for pointing me to Little Women! I hadn't heard of it before, probably because it's UK based and I'm in the US. Their 36AA might fit me. I'd prefer not to have to deal with international shipping/returns if it doesn't fit but it's definitely worth looking into because I haven't seen a company in the US with that range of sizes (especially ones that are actually cute and not too expensive).
May 4 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love.
Loved Joe Newton's "hot sub" in the illustration :)
May 3 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
@53 Ankylosaurus I seem to need at least a 36, 34s are just too tight. But since the cup size increases proportionally and I don't meet their magic ratio, the smallest cup size I've found in a 36 has been consistently much too large. A 32 AA or A cup on a 36 band might work. A few years ago VS had some sports bras in their "Pink Yoga" line that they don't make anymore, and I still wear some even though they're really old and ratty because I haven't found anything I like as much.
May 3 Calico Cat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
I'm in the tiny boob club, too. Over my 20s I gained a bunch of weight and one of the only things I liked it about it was that my boobs were actually a solid full A-B cup. I'm now 31 and have lost the weight, and now my boobs are tiny again but with more stretch marks. I'm mostly ok with my boobs, but finding bras is frustrating. I've pretty much given up on finding a "normal" bra that fits me, because anything that actually fits my boobs is too small in the ribcage and digs in. Been thinking about trying that thirdlove site. I mostly wear sports bras and recently bought a couple of "bralettes" from VS that are cute and have all the support I need (though I'm actually a medium, which makes me think these were made for preteens or something).