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Sep 4 kellarules commented on Why Antigay Christian Bigots Always Lead with Leviticus.
The paragraph after the asterisk is what I always think about when people use Sodom and Gomorrah as evidence that homosexuality is sinful. I've also seen plenty of Christians use S&G as a sort of catch all for "a place where all kinds of bad things happen." Once when a friend of mine said that the US had become the new S&G because of blah blah blah sex shaming blah blah blah, I said, if you mean that the US is doing a terrible job of taking care of their poor and homeless, which was the primary sin of S&G as stated by God in the bible, then yes, the US is the new S&G.
Aug 15 kellarules commented on SL Letter of the Day: Potential Murder, She Wrote.
Even if this guy has no intention of actually murdering his wife, it still rings alarm bells that this guy has dark disturbing fantasies that he seems be having trouble handling in a healthy way. He's obsessing about it. He's not finding ways to express it healthfully. He seems like he's not clear on where fantasy and reality are separated. He's not having the reassuring "omg these are super creepy fantasies I'm having, wtf!" reaction, but just "yeah I'd be sad if I killed you."

I agree with Dan. Err on the side of avoiding your husband killing you. Get out, get an attorney, don't let him know where you're going, etc. But you have plenty of reasons to leave this relationship even if he'd never actually hurt you let alone kill you. That, I think, is the important message here.
Aug 14 kellarules commented on SL Letter of the Day: Code Breakers.
There's quite a spectrum between "My life is falling apart and everything sucks," and "I have everything figured out." There are plenty of people out there who have struggles, have a decent amount of their shit together, and are aware that they are still learning and that life is hard and always changing.

If you are focusing too much on the "I don't know what I'm doing" part, women who have just some of it figured out may be keeping their distance, because staying in "I don't know what I'm doing" really sucks. I'm actually kind of wondering if that's why your most recent lady friend is pulling away. I imagine she *wants* to figure her shit out so that it stops sucking. You don't seem to want that resolution as much.
Aug 7 kellarules commented on SL Letter of the Day: Unknowable Unknowns.
"So outing yourself to your friend is no guarantee that you'll get to the bottom of this."

Heh. Bottom.
Jul 2 kellarules commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Glorious Chorus.
Advice to RR:

Use google. Read some books--educational or otherwise. Experiment with yourself. Date. Look for your own answers.

If you are looking for what all these things are like "for everyone else," stop. What everyone else is doing isn't important. How their bodies work, what they like, what they don't like, is probably different from you. Listen to others and to yourself for answers. Don't wait on someone else to give them to you.
Jun 17 kellarules commented on Savage Love.
I very much approve of the way Dan switched the suggestion for stories of men who are doing it right. I know plenty of guys who think they are doing it right and have no idea how often they aren't.

But thankfully, I've got a few men in my life who are doing the right thing.

Like a friend of mine who has a strong internet presence and he frequently discusses oppression related topics like sexual harassment towards women. I've seen him call out other men many times when they are ignoring points made by women that are just as relevant if not equally so. Once he refused to partake in a conversation anymore because he was, "disturbed that men are not listening to women on this subject." That meant a lot to me.

And my boyfriend who gets it when I'm so frustrated trying to get a guy to listen to me about why he should listen to me. Just seeing the cognitive dissonance is a lot. And when I told him I was catching him interrupting me mid-sentence really frequently (studies show men interrupt women far more often in far more contexts than women interrupt men or women), he listened, he apologized, and has been working on doing better. That openness and willingness to see something uncomfortable about yourself is super crucial when it comes to combating gender inequality.

Also, I'd like to mention my many many female friends who have been fighting super hard in online and real life debates to try to convince people that this issue is real and needs to be addressed. It is such an uphill fight, it's so tiring, and I'm so proud of how awesome they all are.
Jun 11 kellarules commented on Abortion: Won't Someone Please Think of the Men?.
According to the anti-choicers, no one would ever choose to have a kid if they had the choice of birth control and abortion. This seems to conflict with the idea that kids are magical creatures that guarantee you a happy rewarding life. Hm.
May 23 kellarules commented on Saw That Coming: SF Drag Institution/Club Night Trannyshack Changes Its Name.
@12 "I hear people use "homosexual" who aren't homophones." Your typo made me laugh out loud.
May 21 kellarules commented on Two Reader Responses to My Trigger Warning Post and One Sensible Defense of Trigger Warnings.
@1 Using a trigger warning doesn't make any comment on whether or not a person *should* read the article or whether they can handle it. It's information so that they can decide how to best take care of themselves. It gives you a choice rather than stepping on a land mine you had no idea was there. When you have PTSD, a trigger can render you non-functional, sometimes for an hour, sometimes for months. Offering that information to them is a courtesy not a condescension.

@3 No situations in which a college class would use them? Psychology classes have lots of material related to common PTSD topics. Literature classes that cover a big variety of material will probably at some point look at written material involving subjects like war, rape, and violence. Any gender studies class is probably going to include information on sexual violence. Political history classes that cover general media about war or perhaps history of the use of torture. The list goes on, and I'm only sticking to common PTSD related triggers.

The article from The Good Men Project was really good and well balanced. It's worth reading the whole thing.
May 21 kellarules commented on The New York Times Weighs In on the Kudzu-Like Spread of Trigger Warnings.
Seems like pretty consistently that people who have triggers see usefulness in trigger warnings (though most see a need to draw a line somewhere). People who do not have triggers are more likely to say, "Is this really useful?"

The answer from those of us who actually have triggers and would make use of the trigger warnings: Yes. It is useful. Please stop dismissing that.

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