Oct 30, 2015 Brett Alan commented on Savage Love.
Just want to join in with those like @12--to me, it seemed completely clear that the letter writer was asking how to get him to admit what he'd done in therapy WITHOUT risking arrest, and I was flabbergasted when Dan wrote that she wanted him in jail. (That said, @120 has a good point that she doesn't seem willing to consider the possibility that her husband really does have a lying stalker.)

IANAL, but my understanding is that therapists are not supposed to--indeed, not ALLOWED to--report past crimes which they hear about in therapy, only future or ongoing crimes. But I would talk to a lawyer to be sure about that, and I suppose it's possible that not telling his past partners about his status could be considered an ongoing crime in some jurisdictions. At any rate, it seems to me that while the affair, if it happened, is material to the therapy, the status isn't, so much, so the best course might be to hide that from the therapist and be as honest as possible about what cheating was or wasn't going on.
Oct 7, 2015 Brett Alan commented on Unclear On the Whole "Advice Column" Concept.
@20 says:

>Essentially, what these people are asking for is the right to be, and remain, assholes who >treat people unfairly and unkindly for no good reason.

That doesn't even go far enough. Because, in fact, most of us would LET them be and remain such assholes. That's not enough for them. They think they must have the right to *use the government* to treat people that way (e.g. not recognize same-sex marriage), and that, furthermore, that they must be allowed to do it WITHOUT ANYONE SAYING THAT'S WHAT THEIR DOING. Merely calling them bigots, in their view, is an infringement on their rights.

Then again, by that logic, isn't calling someone a fascist an infringement on that person's rights? Or are we to conclude that this guy doesn't think fascism is a bad thing, since he would never tell anyone what he shouldn't do? Hmmm....
Jun 26, 2015 Brett Alan commented on White House Lights Up for Pride.
And could you have imagined that the man living there would have been African-American?

I am overjoyed for your family, Dan, and for the countless others who will enjoy the same rights that people like me take for granted. This was a wonderful day.
Mar 26, 2015 Brett Alan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Complicated Threesome.
Those "exceptions" you listed aren't really exceptions. In those cases, you're not denying them visitation *because you're embarrassed*. You're denying them visitation for different and much better reasons.

Maybe this is a stupid nitpick, but the point is that being embarrassed wouldn't be a good reason. Right?
Mar 24, 2015 Brett Alan commented on Alison Stevenson Won't Suck Your Dick.
I've always interpreted "oral comes standard" as "if you're not willing to do oral, you'd better make that clear early on." Saying "you never told me you weren't into watersports", say, well into a relationship (assuming you never asked) would be absurd, but saying "you never told me you wouldn't perform oral" is valid. Of course, people should be discussing such things anyway, but it doesn't always work that way.

Of course, that's just a simple form, and anyone who doesn't give oral should recognize that that's a big ask, and a sacrifice on your partner's part. But "comes standard" shouldn't mean "mandatory", because we're all free to make our own choices. We just need to be upfront about them, and especially upfront about the tough asks (both for what we want and what we won't do).

And FWIW, when I was single I would gladly have eaten a woman out regularly with nothing in "return". I like giving.
Nov 8, 2014 Brett Alan commented on Should the Duggar Girls #FuckFirst?.
It appears that one of them DID decide to #fuckfirst, after a fashion...not before the ceremony, but before the reception. And without much concern for privacy.

Oct 31, 2014 Brett Alan commented on Misleading Headline of the Day.
"...A frustrated Ann Gola could not be reached for comment."

Oct 1, 2014 Brett Alan commented on Why Do Conservatives Hate American History?.
Sorry to see this getting sidetracked into "is global warming real, or is every scientist on Earth not on an oil company payroll part of a massive conspiracy?"" Of course it's real, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar, an idiot, a dupe, or some combination of the three.

But what I wanted to say was this: Just try and imagine the shitstorm that would have developed if Barack Obama had ever said, in essence, "if Americans knew the truth about our history, they'd go join ISIS." That would be HUGE. But that's almost exactly what Ben Carson said, and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that even if Carson becomes a real player for the GOP nomination, this will never, ever, become front-page news. Because the "liberal media" is clearly biased AGAINST liberals.
Sep 3, 2014 Brett Alan commented on Those Leaked Celebrity Nudes: Have You Looked?.
I looked at the J-Law pics before I even knew anything about their origin, and I did look at one of the Mia Hamm pictures later. I don't feel bad about it because, once they're out there, one more person looking doesn't make much difference. But the person who stole them, should feel bad.

I'd like to know if when this Robin Abcarian person hears about someone dying in a car accident, they think "what, you didn't know by now that there are drunk drivers out there?"

And how many of us can't get sexy pictures from their partners because of fears that they'll be hacked and exposed? B^(
May 9, 2014 Brett Alan commented on SL Letter of the Day: Man of Mystery.
Ummmm...the answer is RIGHT THERE. She says he told him that he likes to "have control in the bedroom:" Well, it seems he's getting exactly what he wants--having control of her in every way possible.

So unless HLITL likes being the object of this manipulation--and it sure doesn't sound like she does--then, yeah, DTMFA, as soon and as definitively as possible. (And if she DID like it, I'd say she needs to talk to him about boundaries and such right away; if he wanted to find someone to manipulate like that, he should have been more clear about it.)