Still Thinking
Urban PNW
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Figuring it out as I go. Generally like people, but also need my alone time.

Apr 25 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Boyfriend Slow-Walking His Divorce.
Wellll, on the one hand, I can say from experience that dating someone who has kids and who doesn't seem to be in a hurry to finalize his divorce (I didn't know the divorce wasn't final when we started dating) has its downsides. Seems like every divorcing couple's divorce proceeds on its own timeline, and what appears reasonable to one person may feel rushed, or sluggish, to another.

On the other hand, LW has left a lot of damage in her wake. She also says nothing about her relationship with boyfriend's children. I think she would do well to be patient.
Apr 20 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love.
Thanks CMD, Erica & BiDanFan for your responses upthread on the length of time between beginning to date and making a commitment of some kind - 2 years, 5 years, and when they feel internally committed. NoCute rang the changes very thoroughly on the pushing the point/settling/walking away conundrum, too - thanks! Just mulling my own situation a bit.

This discussion of what constitutes a proposal, who gets to make a proposal, and what it means if a woman makes a proposal vs. a man making a proposal ... making my head spin, though.
Apr 19 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love.
Urban Dictionary says - emetophile - buy the mug! Ha, ha, ewww. I second #2 - ALEMHM is sliding down a slippery slope.

HMP - drama queen with a fetish for being treated like shit. How exactly do you "lose" someone you only see 3 times a year? What are you doing the other 46 weeks per year?

RINGS - Hey commentariat - I am curious - how long do you think people should date before it's reasonable to propose making a commitment of some kind? Two years? To what degree does it depend on the circumstances (e.g. age, life goals, incomes, child issues, etc.) of the couple?
Apr 18 Still Thinking commented on Defining Cheating Down, Down, Down....
My divorce had nothing to do with a thumb in my butt.
Apr 18 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Failing Chemistry.
"Let me rub your nose in what-you-can't-do-for-me that other people have done for me but made me feel bad about."
Jerkity jerk jerk.
He's home in the mid-afternoon while you're at work? Please tell me you're not supporting this jerkity jerk.
Apr 18 Still Thinking commented on Police Find More Body Parts Near Scene of Ingrid Lyne's Remains.
The murderer should not be executed. He should work, in jail, to support the victim's children for the rest of his natural life.
Apr 18 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Constant Question.
As a registered woman, I hereby state I like both active and reactive sexual modes.
Apr 18 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Strap-On Tools.
Ms. Old Friend's reaction to Mr. Back-in-the-Game/Dan's proposed e-mail may vary depending on:
* their communication to date about what they might do during his visit
* her current interest in sex of any kind, including PIV (or P-in-anything)
* her past experience with use of sex toys, if any
and other factors. Each of the three above factors might vary widely, so it's impossible to predict her reaction based on what we know (none of the above). She may have some tricks of her own up her sleeve. I hope she springs them on him after he, um, comes.

Re: men in their 40's with issues achieving & maintaining an erection - sadly, yes, it happens. Sadly for them, and sadly for those of us with interest in their erections. Yes, there's lots of other things you can do besides PIV or PIA or PIM. When both partners want some PIS (P-in-something), it can be frustrating, though.

And Alison @ 46 wrt running the fuck sometimes, oh yes.
Apr 12 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love.
SMOOSH - I sympathize! I figured out masturbation at age 9, and while realizing I shouldn't do it in front of others, I wasn't aware it had any connection to sex for a couple of years. Voila! A couple of years of innocent orgasms! And a strong preference for a particular position ...

Fast forward to partnered sexual activity for three decades, with orgasm possible in a variety of positions. Then, the hiatus. Four years without partnered sex (and varying amounts of masturbation). Aaaand BAM! Return to partnered sex, and discover that my earlier flexibility has been diminished, and I usually need to be in my ole time position to come. Darn it!

I have told my partner that I figured out masturbation at age 9, but I have not worked up the courage to A) ask that he mimic some of the stimulation that gets me off, or B) show him how I do it. This stuff is more complicated than it looked at first blush.
Apr 12 Still Thinking commented on Savage Love.
People are a bit swift to jump on Mrs. PART for being a jealous, controlling harpy, but ... we don't know whether there is truly no attraction between PART and Sporty Ex-colleague. The sentence "my wife doesn't trust my friend not to 'take advantage' of our friendship" raises some red flags. It suggests a possible interest on Sporty's part, and a possible willingness on PART's part, to engage in some hanky panky -- perhaps another kind of paddling? But PART doesn't want to stray.

If PART and Sporty are attracted to each other, then getting Sporty together with Mrs. PART, or even getting all four players together, may not work well. If PART and Sporty are truly platonic, things might still be pretty awkward, even if Mrs. PART and Mr. Sporty were willing to be introduced to each other and are open to the possibility of enjoying each other's company.

I don't have an obvious solution, but I think the situation might be a bit more nuanced than Dan's interpretation.