commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Newly Engageed Woman Debates Confessing Bullshit "Infidelity" Or Keeping Mouth Shut
I am more alarmed by the likelihood of your friends and family excommunicating you over a heavy flirtation than the actual flirtation itself. Good friends would forgive you for making mistakes and support you in doing better next time. Family mileage can vary, and you don't get to choose family the way you can choose friends. But as Dan says, you can choose how much time you spend with family.
If you are not sure how fiance will handle the news of a heavy flirtation, and you want to find out before you get hitched, then tell him. If he's going to blow his stack, better now than in 5 years when you have kid(s), a mortgage, etc. together. If your panic about the wedding is just manifesting through this avenue, then see a good therapist and work out what's going on with yourself. Good luck.
Dec 26, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: He's Scalded By Assumptions Other Gay Men Make About Bald Men
I nearly stopped reading at the "26, gay, living in Amsterdam" point, because, c'mon, what real problems (beyond the typical problems the same person living in New York might have) could someone in that population have??? Well, of course there are problems everywhere. But the probability is down, compared with "26, gay, living in Iran" or "26, gay, living in Uganda," or even "56, gay, living in Amsterdam."
Dec 19, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Cutting Hair & Cutting Breaks
1) together off and on for 2 years, but only been together seriously for 2 months? What do you mean by "together???"
2) how the heck do people snoop their partner's phones? I've been with my sweetie 3 years, and neither of us knows the other's phone password, or any other passwords, for that matter. Tit for tat - do you let him peruse your phone, e-mail and Tindr accounts?
3) the big red flag is, exactly as you've said, the fact that touching your vagina can trigger a panic attack. Panic? Really? That is some serious shit, and I think getting to a much better place in that arena (if possible) takes top priority.
Dec 12, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Hand Jive
to the tune of This Old Man:
My old man, got it done:
Thrice each night we'd have our fun
With an in-out, no round-about
Gave my "cat" her bone,
When we met he'd pound it home.
Now we're on year two point five
All he wants is my hand jive.
Once I moan, I'm on my own,
Though vajayjay still has tone,
She's been put in the friend zone.
Dec 8, 2016
commented on Savage Love
Anonymoustexters - I guess I wonder a bit about your partner putting you first in all areas of his life, as described by you, except the texting-and-lying one. Maybe the texting-and-lying behavior has become his passive-aggressive outlet for resentment or frustration that's been building up inside him as he repeatedly prioritizes your preferences over his.
Maybe it would be worth discussing or negotiating a more equitable balance in your counseling sessions, and see if that helps reduce the texting-and-lying behavior. You could prep for that by figuring out which of his preferences you don't mind deferring to, so you have some concrete offers to put on the table.
All that being said, the texting and lying is disturbing.