commented on Savage Love
@10. I noticed the new interviews too. I thought it was great that you re-visited to get more info for the original poster.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Flirting vs. Negotiating
@SUBS, sorry this thing freaked you out and drudged up some (sounds like pretty horribly) bad memories. If you don't trust the guy, then that's probably a deal breaker for certain types of play. If you think you might be able to trust the guy, but are feeling nervous, try to sort out what you'd need from him in order to have a good time. If it's unfixable, it'd be polite to let him know, but either way move on. But if it's fixable, work with him on it. If you're serious about getting into D/s, I'd say you might want to figure out a way to let people know (early-ish) this is a serious trigger for you so they don't accidentally step on it, in the same way you might tell someone about a physical injury that would inhibit activities. It's not a bad thing to say: hey, there's some soreness over here. Go easy or I'll have to stop.
As a side note re: why...
I don't think she has to explain why she doesn't like something, if she doesn't want to. That you don't like it is the important thing. That being said, context can be one (of several) handy and quick ways to get a hard-limit sorted out fairly quickly. So, SUBS, you may find mentioning your background a useful technique when you're at the negotiating stage, if it hasn't come up before. Good luck!
commented on Savage Love
@13 I don't think SAD constitutes a recursive acronym because the word "sad" has its own meaning, unlike say GNU, which refers to its own acronym in order to define itself, hence the recursion.
I wouldn't call it cheating, but it _is_ kinda lame.
May 19, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Show This Woman Some Love
Oh, VABG, I'm so sorry your family hurt you. Give yourself the space to grieve. Its like you lost them all over again. Some days you'll want a bit of judicious wallowing. Other days, dust off your hands and go do something distracting and fun (with the nephew too?). The ratio of good days and bad days will shift. It will.
and +1 on the get yourself a lawyer.
Apr 28, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: I Have Nothing Against Fetlife
@27 - re: what level of risk is ok
case by case basis - different people are comfortable with different amounts of risk.
So, it works, by... ya know... discussing it.
This is true with non-kink stuff too, ie: whether to use condoms, dental dams, gloves for what activities, etc. - different people have different answers about what they're comfortable doing.
Aug 17, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Friend Not In Need
@17, you said:
"Okay, as a man, it feels pretty damn good to have the penis rubbed, touched, fondled, whatever. And of course, ejaculating is an amazing feeling. So I cannot understand how anyone does not want experience this"
This is classic "I'm cold: you should put on a sweater" thinking. It's easier when you remember that people (men, women, and genderqueer) experience the world in lots of different ways. Think of it this way: what if it didn't feel wonderful to you? Can you envision a random person not wanting to have sex temporarily for any reason? Ok. Now just imagine that lack of desire as permanent.