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Jul 18, 2013 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
FURFAG, when I had my first real squishy in-person sexual experience (at 20), my sexuality changed immensely (turned way up), and my taste in lots of things, porn included, changed too. So don't fret; your lack of interest in porn, masturbation, at this stage doesn't mean forever. Sometimes a libido has to be cracked open before you can see what it looks like. But do be careful.
Jan 23, 2013 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
I heartily disagree with #5. The act of commitment that is so integral to a wedding brings a heady intimacy that's unlike anything else; bringing that into the bedroom right after is a special experience not to be missed.

And when you see your about-to-be-spouse coming down aisle (or however your big reveal is set up) you want lust to be right up in your face along with fear, exposure, love, trust, and that feeling you get before jumping off the high dive. But satiation is no fun in that spot.

Besides, ain't there a little room in your big day for the antici...pation!
Aug 1, 2012 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
Also, FINE you win, I can't resist learning what that is. But if my wife sees "funnel gag" in my search bar history... well I sure hope it's fun, cause she's always bemoaning the lack of sex toys for men.
Aug 1, 2012 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
I don't know if you want to add Chick-fil-A to your roster of re-purposed names. If you over-use this very effective shaming tool, it will lose its impact.

Besides, they've already done massive damage to their brand, I don't think they need your help. Everyone is already thinking of gay sex when they think of Chick-fil-A now, picturing man-on-man rim jobs when they order fried chicken.

Going to that from a vague image of being able to attend church instead of hocking fast food, you can scarcely hurt them more.

Jun 1, 2011 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
The effective counter-argument to the "choicers" isn't "No, it's not possible to choose." But rather, "It is unreasonable to ask homosexuals to forever forgo romantic love so that you can remain closed-minded and intolerant."
Jun 1, 2011 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
I hate to quibble, but the argument isn't really that one can choose one's sexual desires. Rather, the argument is that one can choose one's sexual actions.

They (or the minority who bother to think it through anyway) would argue that a person with homosexual desires can choose to not act on them much in the same way a "traditionally" married person with heterosexual desires can choose not to act on them with anyone other than their spouse.

So as much as the image of Eric Cantor keeping it hard while sucking off Dan Savage is amusing, it's irrelevant. You can't effectively rebut an argument while willfully misunderstanding it.
Sep 22, 2010 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
Thank you, Dan, for recognizing in your column that people like Tony Perkins don't speak for all, or even most, Christians. Many Christians don't feel the bible prohibits homosexuality in contemporary society at all. An even larger group, ambivalent on what the bible says about homosexuality, remembers that Jesus specifically told his followers that they are not be judging people, that they are not authorized to enforce their understanding of God's law on anyone else, and that they are commanded to love and respect others.

So thanks for remembering that we're here, and brainstorming regularly how to marginalize the Perkins, Becks, and Grahams of the world.
Jun 30, 2010 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
I lost my brother about 2 years ago, TTMF, and it still sucks every time I meet somebody new, because small talk about family is standard. Another thing you can try, if it isn't even harder for you, is talking about your sibling in the past tense. A surprising number of people catch on and move on without bringing the loss up more directly. Another chunk of folks don't get it, but then we move on from the family talk pretty soon anyway, which is okay because then such a heavy subject can come up at a more appropriate time later on in the new friendship/relationship.

If it's somebody who ought to know you intimately enough to share your pain, there's no rush; you're under no obligation to do anything about it other than what feels right to you.
Jun 2, 2010 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
I used to be in WAFFLER's boat, having decided that penetrative sex wasn't okay, but just about everything else was. Similarly, my (now) fiance wanted to "go all the way." I guess I was lucky, because she understood that my faith was important to me and just gently challenged me to think through my position.

Unfortunately, WAFFLER's lady didn't do the same. She should have read between the lines to glaringly obvious "this guy is confused about sex, this requires time and conversation" but instead she took his desperate suggestion at face value and did something she knew was the wrong thing to do.

Back in my experience, eventually I came to see that the bible is pretty vague about what adultery means and she was there eagerly awaiting me. In the meantime we had plenty of fun with each other in lots of categories.

I guess what I'm saying is, we all come into relationships with certain handicaps. Treating each others' handicaps gently and thoughtfully is part of a successful relationship. Whether or not they survive that mistake as a couple remains to be seen, but I hope they both learn from it.
Jul 1, 2009 CBBaltimore commented on Savage Love.
I echo the calls for caution on NSA. Agreeing to something couched as a lesson right after being told you don't satisfy your partner is a world away from really being okay with watching another guy beat and screw your partner while you, most likely, can't keep up with the action. It sounds like a situation that could turn to real violence, even from a normally calm and peaceful guy. It could work out great, just like she imagines it; or it could be horrible and scarring for everyone. If he needs to be trained, she's the one who should train him.