Eudaemonic
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Apr 6 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love.
@37: Friends. Also, what does your partner do when it's their turn?

If it's not working for you, that might be a sign that it's time to renegotiate.
Apr 6 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
@88: "You assume far too much about people, and that's your problem, not theirs. "

You're assuming I've never interacted with BDF before, and am unfamiliar with her pattern of deciding that consent stops mattering the moment it becomes inconvenient to her personally. She got her two chances, same as everyone else.

"And actually you are saying that if you are in a relationship then your opinion about the nature of that relationship, "

Why did you tell this lie? Seriously, why? It is exactly the opposite of what I said, you know it, and I pointed it out, before BDF decided to leverage institutional power to silence people telling her the truth.

"Their" does not mean "my." "Their" does not mean "your." I can't even imagine the depths of sheer bewildering dishonesty that makes you think that bullshit is at all convincing. If you need to lie in order to support your position, your position is wrong.

No one who is right needs to lie.
Apr 6 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
@81: "It's like having to "come out" as not straight, which is a result of the bullshit assumption that we're all straight in the first place."

That assumption is not bullshit. Almost everyone is straight. You don't have to like it, but you do have to live in a world where it's the truth. It's best to plan accordingly.
Apr 6 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
@67: "What is the correct point in a relationship to roll out to your partner that you are an insufferable a-hole?"

Date three. If you lay that card on the table too early, they might not believe you.
Apr 6 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love.
I think the response to MIM seems off--he doesn't disparage everyone else's choices, he's representing a useful and neglected viewpoint: someone who's not a Puritan and not a lifestyle kinkster, just someone who tried kink and decided it's not for him.

That's fine. Lots of people are naturally vanilla monogamous, that's why it's so common.

NSPP: Sometimes people don't want to do the things you want them to do. It happens.

RRR: What would you have done if Dan said "Your partner's definition is right." I'm guessing the answer is not "act like Dan actually has the power to tell other people what kind of relationships they have to have."
And then, maybe, RRR would realize that relationship models are something you need to negotiate. With your partner, even. Appeals to authority don't work on anyone else any more than they'd work on you.
Apr 5 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
@55: "...that massive leap in expectations is their fault, not mine."

If you know they're making an assumption, and you know that almost everyone makes that assumption, and you choose to take actions that you know will hurt them, and pretend your actions are their fault for leaving loopholes, well, exploiting them is exactly what you're doing.

This whole "Ha ha! I never promised not to sell your car when you said I could borrow it for a day!" stuff is bullshit.

If you decide to hurt someone, that's on you, not on them. "You should've defended yourself better!" doesn't work as well as you're hoping.
Apr 5 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
TL, DR: What matters isn't your definition of a relationship, it's theirs. Saying "I know we've been married fifteen years, but I don't really consider that a relationship under some unusual definitions that I never disclosed" doesn't make it okay that I sold our house without mentioning it to you.

If they think they're in a relationship with you, it's on you to refrain from exploiting them. Even if you think they were dumb to be so damn exploitable.
Apr 5 Eudaemonic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Affairs We Don't Hear About.
@68: You seem to keep making the category-error of assuming that straight women don't exist, or that the rest of us don't know they do.

Interacting with members of the opposite sex, while straight, is not the same as interacting with members of your own sex while straight. That's what the "hetero" in "heterosexual" stands for.