ECarpenter
Dallas, TX
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7:14 PM yesterday ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Much Ado About a Micropenis.
Comparing body parts of a partner with the body parts of other people is something we all do, of course, but most of us learn very early on to keep those thoughts to ourselves.

Telling someone that one of their body parts, especially one they can't change, is fundamentally inadequate is about as ethical as kicking a puppy.

Also, there are very enthusiastic fan clubs of men and women who lust after men with small dicks, so this "friend"s implication that it's somehow too small is just wrong. Too small for her, perhaps, but not for a lot of other people.

Using female condoms, some brands of Japanese condoms, or Iron Grip condoms you can cover any dick, no matter how small. So there's no problem there. And of course, if the real problem is that his dick is too small to satisfy you, he has fingers and hands that can make most people moan with pleasure.
Apr 3 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blow, Blowing, Blown.
I'm voting on the side that calls it a blowjob whether or not there's an orgasm at the end.

Some men orgasm in less than a minute from mediocre blowjobs, some men don't orgasm at all after extended and excellent blowjobs. The orgasm does not define the blowjob.
Feb 8 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Engaged to a Beard.
When I notice Dan's photo, I often think he'd be much more attractive with a beard. Most men are much more attractive with a beard.

And it's only short beards and stubble that are scratchy - the cut ends stick out like bristles. Longer beards range from silky to rough - all good sensations.

I don't understand why the writer getting off on her partner's beard (perhaps literally sometimes) is so abhorrent to some commenters here. Or to Dan. Fetishizing skin which has been scraped or plucked to remove the hair does not seem like something to feel superior about, to me - it's in the same general category as getting off on scar tissue or eczema, two other valid but not superior skin fetishes.
Feb 7 ECarpenter commented on Only Rich White Homos Care About Marriage Equality—Still With This Shit?.
Claiming that white, affluent men are the only ones who are seriously interested in marriage rights does two main things - it implies that the majority of LGBT people don't care much about getting married, and it makes use of the stereotypes about affluent white men to devalue marriage equality as a worthy thing to fight for.

Why would someone want to imply that marriage is not popular among LGBT people? To support our traditional attackers' long-standing claim that being LGB, at least, is all about sex. If all of our relationships are just about sex and lust, we're much more easily attacked when we want workplace or housing rights than if we're the kind of people who live in normal marriages.

So no, not every LGBT person is interested in marriage, like not every non-LGBT person is interested in marriage. But these people claim that it's a widespread lack of interest, and use it to claim that we're lesser human beings. It's a setup for working against general equality for LGBT people. And one way they achieve this is by saying that only affluent white gays are interested in marriage rights, mainly for tax reasons.

And that's why Dan was mad. That's what he was writing about.
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Jan 9 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
I had a friend in college who was only attracted to middle aged, balding black men with pot bellies. This was very difficult for him for a long time, because he rarely met anyone who matched that, and the men who matched that were rarely gay, and those rare men were usually in a relationship with someone else or lived a thousand miles away. He tried all kinds of other men - men who matched one or two or three of those attributes, at least - and it just didn't work, he couldn't keep any erotic interest going during their encounters. So he was mainly celibate.

Finally he found a bath house in the next town which had available, friendly and interesting men who matched his erotic needs too (it wasn't really a preference, given how hard he tried to change it and how stubbornly it stuck to him) and he was in heaven, and finally hopeful that he could meet a man to get serious with.

So sometimes people are just being honest when they say in detail what they're actively looking for. But if they go on to list the attributes that they don't like, that's uncalled for, and feels a lot like they're attacking strangers. Mark, to his credit, didn't do that - when friends tried to hook him up with men who he knew weren't going to fit the bill, he'd just remind them of what he was looking for, not list what he wasn't looking for.
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Dec 24, 2016 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Toy Story.
I really don't understand getting upset about used sex toys. As modern research has shown, we are awash in human-aligned bacteria, fungi and viruses all the time. Many of them evolved right alongside us, and their ancestors lived in and on our ancestors. We get dusted with other people's microbes whenever we walk past them or sit near them or use a space they have just left, and fecal bacteria are everywhere, no matter how tidy you think you're being.

Most of these microbes are benign. The bad ones that can cause STIs are easy to get rid of on sex toys (many, like HIV, are so delicate outside a body that they self-destruct almost immediately), so why not use the sex toys again?

If it's just an emotional response - well, take an adult look at that.

Not everything mommy and daddy told you was dirty really was. Sometimes they were being inaccurately metaphorical. Eating pizza that fell on the tarmac in the parking lot? Yes, dirty. Getting dick-fucked by a friendly playmate? No, good clean microbially complex fun.
Nov 24, 2016 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Let's Give Thanks for Threesomes!.
With the all the depravity in the bible (Yaweh murdering Job's family on a bet, Lot offering his daughters as victims to rapists, Paul telling slaves it's a sin to disobey their owners, etc. etc. etc. ) it always amazes me that Christians think the bible is all ok and moral, but grownups treating each other well and giving each other pleasure is not.

Poor Bob is confusing depravity with being a well rounded adult human - he probably undresses and has sex in the dark and thinks orgasms are wicked if you enjoy them. Which I think is totally depraved.
Oct 22, 2016 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Guys Keep Putting Him In "The Bottom Zone".
Keep in mind that topping is a combination of eliciting consent from your bottoming partner and then consuming that consent. Assertiveness is not being aggressive, and forcefulness is not being violent - both assertiveness and forcefulness work with consenting partners, and don't go over the partner's limits (although they sometimes move the limits towards more intensity).

With this guy - next time you have sex, tell him to top you as if he were his own fantasy of a perfect top, the kind of man he most wants to bottom for. Tell him to just go for it, no holding back, and see what he does - and go along enthusiastically with whatever happens unless it's physically dangerous. For you, this is essential research.

And then think about it, and see how what he did is different from how you are as a top, and think about what it would be like to work that technique/attitude/whatever into your own topping repertory - would it work for you?

Also if, as you say, you love butts, think about expanding your relationship with butts (maybe his, maybe the next guy's). Some men aren't as easily butt-satisfied as others, and getting dick fucked isn't as pleasurable as it is for other men. Well, that's why you've got hands! I've known several short, slender, non-macho men who loved butts, loved topping, and were in great demand as fisting tops and romantic interests. The dynamic in that world greatly favors creative, intense tops, and is not so stereotype-bound.

Before rejecting this thought out of hand, keep in mind - whatever you imagine fisting to be like, it's not like that. Just like no one can accurately imagine the taste of lobster who's never eaten one, no one can accurately imagine either side of fisting who's never done it. It can be intensely wonderful on both sides.

Good luck with this guy, and good luck going forward.
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Oct 15, 2016 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love.
Whenever a man says he's some number of "years young", big red flags should go up. Those guys have weird and unreal attitudes and beliefs about themselves and other people's ages. And are rarely datable or fuckable without angst and drama, unless you are a young person who's turned on by old people with major age issues.
Oct 6, 2016 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Minor Inconvenience.
@6 Yes, this is an ancient scam, with several common twists. "Daughter and Dad" and "Wife and Husband" are the most common pairings, with money or marriage or national secrets as the perpetrator's desired payoff.

My favorite instance of it in pop culture is the song "It's a scandal, It's an outrage" from the musical Oklahoma.