ECarpenter
Dallas, TX
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Sep 21 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy Issues.
@25 - you never did answer the question "when did you decide to be straight?". That was asked quite a way back in this thread.

Is it because you never had to decide, because you were born straight? Or maybe you're a Bi person, and did decide to ignore your gay side? Or you're asexual and asocial and never had any interest in sex or romance anyway? Do let us know, we're curious, if you have any honesty in you at all.
Sep 20 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy Issues.
You're attracted to men you're ashamed to be seen with - and that's pretty fucked up for you. If you can't find your way on your own to understanding that it's much more rewarding to get into a relationship with someone you enjoy, who's fun, and who turns you on than someone who's not like that, I'd say find a good gay-friendly therapist and go to work with them.

A good therapist can help you find your way to enjoying who you are instead of being repelled by who you are.

But - be cautious in picking a therapist, and verify ahead of time with other people that they're good with gay issues. A lot of therapists have their own hangups about gay relationships and about relationships between people of different ages, and they can do much more harm than good. Avoid any therapist who starts to make you feel worse about who you are - they're dangerous.
Sep 18 ECarpenter commented on SL Letter of the Day: What's in a Ring?.
@15 - if your facts were correct, your conclusions would be correct. Unfortunately for your conclusions, though, twin studies and other genetic studies don't support you the way you claim. Sexuality in the real world is not a binary homosexual/heterosexual thing (if you look at real people instead of your imaginary ones). On the spectrum of totally-gay to totally-not-gay, being on one side or the other of the middle of the spectrum does run in families. Some family members may be gayer than others, and some may be straighter than others, and if your mom's family is mainly on one side but your dad's is on the other anything can happen, but sexuality is to a large degree heritable.

http://www.wiringthebrain.com/2010/05/se…
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11058…
Sep 17 ECarpenter commented on SL Letter of the Day: What's in a Ring?.
It's much better to be open about being married from the beginning. Then single men who are hoping to meet a long term partner will be warned that you are not that. And single or married men who are actively not looking to get married will know you're closer to what they're looking for.

And as for opposite-sex couples being more monogamous - I'm not sure that's as true as some would claim, judging from the number of "straight" married men who've hit on me over the years, and the number of married men who've hit on women friends. I think it's more that non-gay men have fewer opportunities, not fewer desires, for adventures outside of their marriages.
Sep 14 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Skip That White Wedding.
In situations like this, I think of the children, as these very people like to admonish us to do.

If all the family the kids ever see are racist etc, they have less chance of escaping that themselves. Having sane relatives show up now and then, and listening as they take the "I won't start it but if you do, I'll finish it" attitude the writer takes, is good for the kids. Whatever their reaction is today, those conversations lodge in their minds and can be very beneficial for them later on.

So yes, if you can stand it and have an exit strategy, go to the wedding and just be yourself.
Aug 31 ECarpenter commented on NPR Believes in Miracles.
I really love all the God of the Gaps miracles the church has proclaimed. Anything they don't understand is a God-made miracle. In their past, this has included:
1. Rain
2. The existence of more than one language
3. Light diffraction
4. Geese

and so much more. The number of miracles has shrunk alarmingly under the relentless onslaught of evidence-based facts provided by physics, biology, cosmology etc, but they still have enough mysteries (if they squint their eyes and don't check with well educated people) to squeeze out a few more saints.

Hallelujah!
Aug 26 ECarpenter commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Little History Lesson....
Do NOT say "stuff it down the memory hole" to your friends and relatives. Say "forget it" or "set it aside" or something else neutral. You don't want to be talking about holes with them at this time.

Aug 21 ECarpenter commented on What's So Funny About the Naked Trump Statue?.
@48 was an accidental post! I managed to hit a keyboard shortcut I didn't know was there. Another attempt at satire ruined by technology!
Aug 21 ECarpenter commented on What's So Funny About the Naked Trump Statue?.
But, but, people LIKE to laugh at other people's bad bodies! What'
Aug 20 ECarpenter commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy's Pretend Girl Worried About Daddy's Actual Girl.
@31 To check on my comment, and see if I was just being conservative and reactionary, I experimented. Without trousers or a shirt, just wearing underwear - pulling down the waistband was quicker than using the fly. With a shirt tucked into trousers over underwear - using the fly was quickest.

I don't wear tight clothes, and for various reasons I do tuck in my shirts. Both of which probably affect the relative speed of flies vs waistbands. So, since not everyone wears the same clothes and in the same ways, having the fly option is good, whether or not the man or boy wearing them uses it every time he pisses.