Jul 5, 2009
commented on Savage Love
Wow, I'm amazed at the wide range of comments this week, and I have to throw my unwanted and unasked-for screed in as well.
Everyone, NSA does have a chance here. I don't know these two people, but I know from past lovers-become-friends that some men have the "you don't hit girls" thing so deeply hitched within them (for which I'm grateful, btw) that they can't undo it on their own, even on request. If NSA's bf is one of those then it's not training or compromise but a release from inhibition that will change things. Besides, for all you "train-him-yourselfers," in some BDSM circumstances it is nigh-impossible for the sub to train or even demonstrate what it is they're after.
To the cheating vs. open folks - I don't think Dan is saying cheating is somehow OKAY by any stretch of the imagination. He's saying it shouldn't necessarily be a break-up offense. The principle is simple - after, say, 7 years of commitment one partner gets blind drunk during a miserable patch and cheats. It's not right and it's not in any way shape or form acceptable, and yes that means the person is an asshole, but that doesn't mean the incident automatically outweighs 7 years of loyalty and fidelity. By the same token, most of the times I see Dan sanctioning cheating, it's a "no possibility of compromise and young children are a factor" circumstance. So Dan errs on the side of preserving family - neither choice is a good one in that type of situation, so I can sympathize with his decision.