Jul 8, 2009
commented on Savage Love
To say that we're all wired to not be monogamous is one hell of a generalization. I've dated quite a few girls and when I'm in a relationship I don't even have the desire to cheat or check other girls out. It might be because of my father's rampant cheating when I was much younger that caused my view on relationships, but I don't think I'm the only person out there who can honestly be sexually monogamous in a relationship. However, on the flip side of the coin, since I was raised in an environment where my father kept a mistress for most of my parents' long-since-broken marriage that only I knew about for 16 years, I've never been surprised at people cheating. To each his own, I suppose, but I loathe to think that I'd end up being like my father and end up cheating on someone I love and having to hide it. Why don't we talk about a public couple that stays together and in love for 50 or 60 years every time we find some public figure who is cheating? Why can't we give both sentiments equal coverage? It'd only be fair (although entirely unrealistic in our sensationalized media, I always find stories like Clive Wearing heartwarming).
Also, NSA, involving your ex is one hell of a minefield. I did that in college while very drunk trying to teach my then gf something my ex did very well (mostly biting, hitting, and choking) and before the night was over I was dumped and my ex and I were no longer on talking terms. Of course in that case I didn't really ask for permission or have any prolonged discussion with either party, and kind of just dragged them into my dorm room. Some people are okay with the tutorial idea outright - I'd be okay if my current gf want to show me how to be more dominant since I'm typically more submissive - but it can be one hell of an insult even if he doesn't say or show it, so make sure he's really okay and make sure it's a one time deal, for educational purposes only. Also, if it's the only thing in your relationship you're not quite clicking with, well, you're lucky, a lot of our relationships have tons more issues than just an unwillingness to play rough. Maybe you should just show him that rough sex is actually more fun than he previously expected, because it really adds energy, tension, and that pump of adrenaline to sex that he might have never experienced before. Maybe you can ease him into it with light bondage and progress without involving your ex, avoiding the potential drama.