Jul 24, 2013 SpGNo commented on Why I'm Boycotting Russian Vodka.
It's not enough to boycott the olympics. Boycott all american advertisers who sponsor the TV broadcasts of this olympic games.
Jun 5, 2013 SpGNo commented on The Debate Over Gay Marriage in the House of Lords.
Why is there still a house of lords? What is this, a cheap GoT knockoff?
Dec 21, 2012 SpGNo commented on Death Today.
Can't tell if serious or announcement of new Fiona Apple album title.
Dec 7, 2012 SpGNo commented on Have You Ever Thrown a Drink in Someone's Face?.
I was eating alone at one of the nicer restaurants in Seattle, which will remain unnamed. It was a delicious meal, but near the end of it, a man I did not recognize came up to me very suddenly and aggressively. He said I owed him money, and had been dodging him, and that he was very disappointed to see me eating such an expensive meal, when I hadn't payed him.

I told him I'd never seen him before in my life, that I didn't know what he was talking about, and he started getting furious. He started speaking a foreign language I didn't recognize, yelling and gesticulating wildly. All the waitstaff was ignoring him. So I tried to diffuse the situation. I asked him to sit down and tell me who he thought I was and what he thought he owed me.

So he sat down and told me I was a name I'd never heard before. "Nate." Not my name. He told me I borrowed money from him and then disappeared, leaving behind an abandoned apartment. He said we could straighten this out if I payed him right away, but otherwise he was not the kind of person to owe money too. I showed him my ID, not Nate, but he was sure I was Nate. The waiter came over and left my coffee. The man said "So, are you gonna pay me?"

Well hell no I wasn't. So I told him to fuck right off, and he splashed coffee all over my face. Then he started hitting me right in the middle of the restaurant. Giving me a proper mafia beatdown in front of everyone. I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover, and I'm rich, so I said, "fine, I'll pay, how much?"

Then he said "About tree fiddy." It was at that time I noticed he wasn't a mafioso Joe Pesci copycat, but a 500 ft tall monster from the paleolithic era. So I said "God Damn Loch Ness Monster, I ain't givin' you no tree fiddy."
Oct 26, 2012 SpGNo commented on Is This the Worst Version of "America the Beautiful" Ever?.
Troll level: Expert
Oct 4, 2012 SpGNo commented on The Morning News.
"As Rob has pointed out, this is not a state's rights issue. It's a federal issue."

It must be parody, right? this can't be real? but it seems so real, it's like really real, realer than real. Did someone put acid on my door handles again? Because I can't tell what's real anymore. What's going on? My head feels funny. Please make it stop.
Oct 4, 2012 SpGNo commented on Feminism and Republicanism Aren't Mutually Exclusive.
My friend must of dosed my door handles with some really strong acid because this morning I'm hallucinating that the dude who wants to take away healthcare from women, who belongs to a political party that talks about forcible rape, who obstructs equal pay amendments, is now a feminist who wants to break the glass ceiling by handing out brooms? Are you handing them brooms because you thing they are witches and can use the brooms to fly around the glass wall? You're a republican feminist? re-pub-li-can feminist? ohh my God the acid is strong. did my brain just divide by zero?

What the hell is going on? Why is everything spinning so hard today? This is gonna get worse before it gets better.
Oct 4, 2012 SpGNo commented on A Note to Our Readers.
When I started reading SLOG this morning, I thought "My friend has been putting liquid LSD on my doorknobs again, because I'm tripping hard."

Then I thought "I get it, It's some sort of parody, but it's not funny." Then I kept reading

I still don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm still dreaming? Maybe what I thought was my waking life was the dreams and it's really the dreams that are real? This is really strong acid. I touched so many door handles. Must be 1,000 hits at least. Where am I? Who am I? What is real? Rob McKenna why would you let him write here? Is it real? I don't even know what that word means. It's just a sound. Real. Re-al. REEL. How can sounds have meaning? What does meaning mean? How can I even wonder "what is the meaning of "meaning"" If I don't know what "meaning" means?? Why is this happening? I think my toes are blue. I need to lay down. But now the ceiling is where the walls are. How come the wall is above my head if the ceiling is up? What does "up" mean? Why did Rob McKenna show up here? Ohh man, that UP movie is clearly a trip through the bardo after the old man died the first night, right? So much acid. Rob McKenna? Clearly he's a lizard person, right? Can't you see it man? Did he threaten to eat your kids? Tell us on the doll where the hyperdimensianal lizard man threatened your kids to take over this blog. Why is he here? Is this real? Are they playing a joke on us? I can't even tell you my name right now. I'm confused.

What's going on? I'm going to put on some grateful dead and try not to lose it. Please send orange juice.
Sep 18, 2012 SpGNo commented on This Is Your Brain on Drugs: An fMRI Scan While High on Ecstasy.
Ha I bet david nutt has fantastic MDMA
Jun 10, 2012 SpGNo commented on The Sunday Morning News.
i bet if you gave a kid his first bumps of cocaine they would react more or less exactly the same way. Just sayin...