DarkHorseRising
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Jan 14 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up.
I agree with five. Great reader responses.

I want to really underline 1 and applaud how right he is for those groups like yoga which are heavily female. My brother did yoga for years (before a new baby made him busy) and he was regarded with high suspicion until women grew comfortable that he wouldn't interfere with them. Consider the very vulnerable physical positions women most often enter in yoga.

Don't hit on them.

Do what interests you.
Jan 13 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love.
Everyone has said just about everything I could have so.... dan you just rocked it.
Jan 12 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
Not that I am perfectly conscious of my inherent biases, but sublime's question didn't bother me because sublime asked the question in reverse. The assumption (that is absolutely focused on women, not men) is that women *will* change their mind and *want* kids. In this case Sublime asked the reverse question - against the mindless cultural assumption - that had lw changed her mind and decided she did not want kids.

Because the ultimate question posed by lw is (1) take this guy for everything that worked and accept no kids; or (2) continue to explore in search of the good roll in the hay who wants kids too. To me bringing up kids didn't seem so speculative considering that is why they busted up to begin with. I won't say anything further other than nod my head vigoriously over your experience mirroring mine (and particularly my female cousins). I was horrified when my aunt sent out a holiday letter mourning the fact that they wanted grandkids. Holy sh1t on a shingle. My parents' decision, after a few jerky statements in my early twenties, was to leave me alone about it. Something I will do for my kids. I even say it to my kids, both girls - they may have kids or they may not. It's all good.
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Jan 11 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
It is not sexist to think that people will change their minds as they age over whether to procreate. Everyone one of us - my siblings and myself - went from "no way no how" to yes in our twenties and thirties. My ex went from hell yes to a decided no from his early twenties to mid thirties. Two of my cousins (female and male) never changed their mind (no kids). I've seen it both ways. I have no idea which is more common, but neither seems uncommon. What is guaranteed though, is that people grow particularly in their twenties. People pick up different priorities. People learn themselves better. And yes sometimes they change their mind. I can't police anyone else's feelings. But to me there is a difference between (1) asking someone if his or her priorities have changed (not patronizing), and (2) telling someone that you just know his or her priorities are going to change (patronizing). Having gotten a full measure of the latter, I do appreciate why it's a hot button. But recognizing the mutability of the human species in general is different - I think - than dismissing the statements of a flesh and blood person in front of us.

Fwiw

:)
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Jan 11 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
Life is compromise. The best sex of my life (so far) was some crazy dude I'd never had married. So good. Mmm. But you know, you have to look at the total package. I'm sorry lw, I wish we could order our mates a la carte. We can't. You have priorities in a long term mate. This guy doesn't meet it. Keep going or revamp your priorities. But do it with your eyes open.
Jan 10 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
@Ricardo: Yes that question was put to you, awkwardly. I wasn't sure if it was only white men that had acted this way. I had assumed (ah loaded word) that you might have dealt with unwanted admirers of a different melanin content.

@David: I live in Atlanta - well the 'burbs. Atlanta has a vibrant multicultural spin and is a blue dot in a field of red. It has a strong LGBT community and is very diverse regarding interracial couples. But the state is red and that can lead to some massive anti-progressive stupidity. We almost followed the NC debacle over the bathroom bill but luckily our business community in Atlanta, including the movie industry, music industry, IT industry, and Coke, put some massive pressure on the Governor, who promptly caved and vetoed the bill. But it was still a black eye, and I am ashamed of it. I am Southern born and bred, and I am so ashamed of what so many of us have become. I feel like we are going backwards, completely backwards.

Jan 10 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
@60 So query. Did you find it was only white dudes? As a chicky, I've found that "bad response" to being rejected has not been markedly different based on color.
Jan 10 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
@45. I know exactly what you mean. I like good nail grooming in any of my companions... and that part of pornos always made me cringe.
Jan 10 DarkHorseRising commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
@24 and 25, Donny:

I have not been there, but I am going to Colorado next month for some skiing, and I think I need to stop by! I picked Dark horse because I couldn't think of anything clever and I always liked the metaphor.

Yes, long artificial nails can be a problem for anything that requires manual dexterity. I had them, liked them, but they interfered too much with me, so I dumped them. I ended up with medium length but with gel tips and they don't get in my way. Okay, TMI. But I think life is a balance. I do wear heels and matching outfits and like my spa days. I also like to backpack.

It seems to me - and is what I would want out of a person - is that they dress for the occasion. I wore chaps when I used to ride my motorcycle. I don't worry about matching earrings when hiking. But I like it that my husband, who is definitely a sweats man, also breaks out the nice clothing and matches his tie to his pocket handkerchief on a dinner out. I suppose the problem is that your buddy dated a gal who actually didn't share the same interests... and the long claw nails and four different color coordinated outfits were symptoms, not the disease.

Very interesting food for thought, though. About the subliminal messages we send - and the messages we MIGHT effectively send in a Dating App without having to resort to "no long nailed chicks." I keep thinking of those lame Farmers Only ads.
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