commented on SL Letter of the Day: There Are Two Sides to Every Story
"NO NO NO I'M NOT CRAZY! I WILL PROVE I AM NOT CRAZY BY WRITING A LONG, INSANE LETTER! There, see how sane I am?"
Both of these idiots are probably making the writing group hell, and they both probably need to leave, but if anyone needs to leave more it's this guy. Inferring all this crap out of thin air is completely demented. EVEN IF THIS GUY IS RIGHT and the object of his affection is a total deluded closet case who is sending highly encoded signals, the correct response isn't "harass him," the correct response is "well isn't THAT weird" and go get a REAL BOYFRIEND WHO CAN COMMUNICATE LIKE A GROWNUP.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: All the Red Flags
A+ advice, Dan, and thank you for pointing out the ENORMOUS problem with the lack of safe words. Safe words are necessary and important, particularly for varsity-level sex. Asking her to relive a trauma--could be okay, in the context of a long and loving relationship. Persisting with asking despite getting a refusal--kind of shitty. Persisting with asking and demanding a total lack of safe word--get out of my bed. And honestly, if she managed to talk him down to including a safe word, it seems like he might be the kind of guy who might just ignore it in the scene. And that is actual rape, not rape-play.
Jan 31, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Unicorn Offers Advice to Couples Hunting Unicorns
For all the people saying "you're a pansy for not sending a pic:" the SLLOTD is a fuckload more public than OKC.
Also: I think this letter is actually quite useful for any people out there who are interested in becoming unicorns. I'm sure there are plenty of girls (and guys!) out there who will value this as a valid guide--not as "you must do all these things" but things to think about when scoping out a couple. Maybe you DO want to go out for drinks with the couple, but just diving in without even thinking about the weird date-cum-job-interview vibe you're creating in your first encounter can make the whole thing go off and possibly even turn you off of it entirely. I think this letter offers some valuable tips and experience for anyone thinking of going into the horn-wearing business.
Jan 17, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: DTMFAsshole
Wow, what the FUCK. I don't care how good the rest is, someone who "sweetly and concernedly" DESTROYS YOUR SELF ESTEEM and makes every fight about your weight and appearance is a fucking douchebag who deserves to die alone. Just because his tone isn't violent doesn't mean he's not saying things deliberately to hurt you.
Dec 20, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Gay Panic Offense
Don't be ridiculous, Dan. If this sort of man is forced to confront the existence of other sex-possible penises in the universe, he must confront that fact that sex is not all about him and his desires! Heaven forfend us against realizing that there is another thinking, feeling human being in the bed!
As for a compromise: get this guy a blowup doll and dump his ass. That's what he probably wants anyway.
Dec 19, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Change of View
In my mind, this reads a lot like a woman who has been raped trying to wrestle with BDSM / rape fantasies. Obviously being bi is not nearly as fundamental as a kink, but the answer is the same: it's just the way you are. Lots of people will say that sexual violence in their past makes them attracted to violent scenes as a means of processing it, or that being spanked as a kid makes them into BDSM, or that being molested makes them into ageplay, or whatever correlation we can make up. But there's just as many people out there who didn't have those hardships who are into those things. So it's just as likely that it's a coincidence, and the shame probably comes from the molestation rather than the attraction. And, more importantly--and absolutely crucially--who cares? You are who you are. What turns you on, turns you on. Roll with it and see a therapist if it's causing you problems, or to help you process whatever has happened to you, but letting it rule what goes on in your bedroom will only make you miserable.
Nov 28, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven
Wow. Can't say I'm a fan of the virulent hate for this young woman. Women being disbelieved or belittled when they come out with sexual assault allegations is constant--especially when it's flirtatious, drunk, or otherwise questionable in a court of law, and especially when they don't want to go to court with it.
But that doesn't matter in this situation. The question isn't "was she sexually assaulted." There's no mention of a police investigation, so I can only imagine that she doesn't want to pursue one. (THAT IS HER RIGHT, Sloggers; try not to forget that. Lack of investigation doesn't mean assault didn't take place.) All that is a moot point. The point here is: can he live with it either way? And the answer seems to be a solid "maybe." If it helps him to sleep at night next to his girlfrien, then believe her and let it lie. If that bit of doubt won't go away and you can't get over it, then he can't get over it The truth is irrelevant here, and more importantly the truth is unfindable. I'd say give it a go and if you can't live with it, don't. But make it clear when you break up with her that it's because YOU can't handle it, not because what may or may not have happened that night.
Nov 4, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Other Side
"it requires an ability and willingness to detach from sex emotionally that not all women have or would want to have."
How about . . . people?
Moreover, this is a completely facile response. It's basically saying, "People are different! People want different things, find different things acceptable in relationships, and have different values!" Fascinating, JWTS, I hope you continue your groundbreaking research. People are different. Wow. Shocking.