Sep 24 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Your Trip Advisor.
@ 5 - "It'll be like one of those French friends movies"

Brilliant, Lava!

And as a bonus, she'll get to sleep with all the other guys in the group.

I hope the clinging BF looks like Romain Duris and that she slaps him in the face - every time I see him in a movie, I get the urge to do that.
Sep 23 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Your Trip Advisor.
@ 1 - She said she travelled, not that she was on vacation. It could be for work.
Sep 23 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy Issues.
@ 36 - As a man who is all-but-exclusively attracted to big guys, too, I concur. I could have written exactly the same thing.

Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed.
Sep 23 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 156 - It had to be Brie...

Sorry, but lingerie and football are two things that have so far failed to appeal to me in any way.

Let's talk about cheese instead! You could pretty much get me to agree with/to anything for a piece of extra-aged Gouda (a big piece, though: I'm not that easy.)
Sep 23 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 167 - "And you think my FRIEND is lying??"

Not at all. I think her ex lied, and possibly the other woman, too.

@ 169 - "And "equality" cannot be applied when there is not anatomical equality"

Once again, you are bringing the conversation back to the operation, when my point all along has been her imposition (of said operation).

The letter, stripped down to its most basic elements: "I am struggling with this fear, and my solution is for someone else to undergo a surgical procedure." Does that sound logical to you?

Well, sorry, but it really isn't.
Sep 22 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 142 - Coz she's got the finger on the divorce button. Whatever he says, whatever he does that she doesn't like, he "loses". Of course he's afraid to tell her what he really wants.

Which doesn't mean he shouldn't. Trying to weasel your way out of such a loaded issue is never a good long-term strategy, but I suspect neither of them has good communication skills.

@ 146 - I never realized Brie had that effect on people.
Sep 22 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 136 - Thanks for that perceptive analysis, Lava. I wish I'd been able to express myself as clearly and succinctly, but that's basically all I meant to say.
Sep 22 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.

@ 129 - "Your adamant opposition to vasectomy as a less invasive and risky option than tubal ligation"

Are you on acid? You're totally making that up. Nothing I have said even comes close to this. I am not in the least opposed to vasectomy. I am opposed to a surgical intervention being imposed on someone by another person because the latter has trust issues. Especially when that person has in no way made an equivalent, binding commitment (and since her letter doesn't mention in any way what she would do if she were to get pregnant, whoever says she'll surely get an abortion or give the baby up for adoption his pulling that out of their ass). The solution is that they should agree to close their marriage or to get out of it (again, she shouldn't impose her will). She is quite obviously not ready for an open relationship. I have said that repeatedly, I think it should be clear by now.

I only mentioned my brother's less than fortunate experience of the procedure to state that it is not as risk-free as portrayed (as I've said twice before; don't you read my comments before answering them?) and to suggest that it only takes one such incident to make thousands of guys wary of having it done, because guys are like that when it comes to their junk. Everything else you think I meant is only a product of your own imagination, so please spare me.

"This experience is clouding your ability to accept that tubal ligation is, in point of fact, still far simpler and easier, and in fact making you angry at someone you've never even met"

I suppose you meant vasectomy, not tubal litigation. I am aware of the comparative risks, and I'm quite happy that there is a procedure that puts the responsibilty of birth control in the hands of those for whom it is generally much easier to avoid the responsibilites of a pregnancy. That is just. That is good. It still doesn't mean that vasectomy should be imposed on anyone, because that's just as bad as forcing women to undergo tubal litigation. It's not the operation I've been discussing all along, it's the imposition.

I am opposed to double standards, period. Indeed, I always thought that's what feminism was all about: Equality between the sexes. Eliminating double standards, not creating more of them to benefit women. Are you telling me I was wrong?

I am not angry at someone I've never met. It takes an awful lot more than that to get me to the point of anger, and I reserve that for people who are actually doing me harm. You, on the other hand, seem to be rather angry with me. And its your judgment (or ability to understand what you read) that seems to be clouded. Please stop projecting.

"Re-read my post @44 as evidence that I am not, and have never been, unaware of or unsympathetic to the issue of men being reluctant to get a vasectomy due to the risks"

I don't understand why you feel the need to mention that: I never said or thought you were. I merely tried to explain why I myself thought men were reluctant to do so.

@ 131, 132 - Though the first option is possible (and yes, it does happen), the second is what I had in mind. But then again, couldn't he have made another type of arrangement with the other woman (shared custody, perhaps?). I simply think there's something really fishy in the ex's story. Since I don't know these people or the details of this specific story, I won't even try to figure out what part of it is false, but it's obvious that some part of it is.

People have been known to lie when they do something really stupid. They've also been known to lie when they want to get out of a relationship. That's all I'm saying.

"that scenario doesn't do anything to dispel SNIP's fears that a similar situation might happen in her husband's case"

No, it doesn't. And if that's really a concern to her (as it appears to be), she shouldn't be in an open relationship at all... If she was in any way mature, she'd realize that what she needs is to do some introspection, not to force her husband to get surgery.

That said, and to once again repeat what I said earlier, it's also clear that the husband absolutely needs to tell her his true feelings about children and never make promises he won't keep. Otherwise, he's an asshole, too.

Come to think of it, maybe they're made for each other.

Sep 22 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Another Jealous Boyfriend.
@ 11 - Let's celebrate!
Sep 21 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 125 - Understood. In the same spirit, I have in the past advised many people to get a lobotomy.

Have a nice trip!