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Susan B Journey
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Apr 12, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Drunk of the Week.
I stared at the "taxidermy" joke for about a minute and a half with my mouth flapped open…and then I started laughing so hard I startled the spiders. OMFG I want it on video when he walks into a taxidermy establishment with that…that…THING in a brown paper bag.

Oh, my heart...
Apr 12, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 178 - At last, something on which we might agree? I much prefer to go Dutch at first and then, as special occasions come up, take turns treating each other: birthdays, promotions, a surprise gift of tickets, flowers in thanks, bar-b-que at his place, popcorn and a movie at mine, etc.

The whole trope wherein men are supposed to be less sexy if they don't spend a lot of money on dates seems like so much hogwash to me.

What makes a man truly sexy to me is between his ears and between his legs - not in his wallet.

Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 157 - Actually, exactly zero percent of "good, loving, honest people" will choose to lie.

You can't possibly be serious?
Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
On second thought, y'all have it your way.

The very BEST way to conduct human relationships is to lie, lie, lie, lie, cheat, sneak and lie. Be sure to lie a LOT. That's what's recommended by the truly hip and non-black-and-white thinkers of today.

In any situation where you might have - in those quickly receding dark ages of the past - been expected to gently speak the truth and face the consequences: LIE. Who wants consequences? They might be yucky! Heck, no!

I look forward to more lies from all of you in the future.

Don't admit how many times your lies have nuked your relationships. Don't admit the times when you caught someone you love in a serious lie and it felt like a rusty blade being jammed into your gut! Just carry on lying. That's the way forward to the beautiful Lie-topia just beyond the misty horizon.

What's the Latin for: "I lie, therefore I am."

I'm going to get that on a bumper sticker for my swirls-of-gray Smart car. Then people will think I'm hip, too.
Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 147 - More projection?

What I think (SEE: I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF) is that IF you vow to be monogamous in marriage, and IF you change your mind about that FOR ANY REASON, then the only compassionate, ethical thing to do is to BE HONEST about it and negotiate with your spouse going forward from this place of HONESTY.

If that ends your marriage? So be it.

If you and your spouse agree to an open marriage? So be it.

If your spouse agrees to you seeking sex outside the marriage while she (or he) remains celibate? So be it.

You don't get to force someone else to have sex whether they want it or not (that's called rape.) You don't get to decide for someone else that they will NOT have sex no matter how much they want it either. But you ALSO do not get to decide for someone else that they'll be living with, sleeping with, kissing and sharing their few remaining years on earth with a lying, cheating sack of dirt.

See? It's not the deciding to end his monogamous years with Mrs. SOS which makes SOS a sack of dirt. IT'S THE LYING. It's the cheating. It's the patronizing decision that she doesn't need to know that he's spending thousands of dollars each year on prostitutes. It's the dishonesty.

Are people who are honest in their personal relationships "dying out"? I hope for the planet that the rumors of our deaths have been greatly exaggerated.

If I were you, I wouldn't be pointing and laughing at compassionate, honest people. I'd be studying their habits and trying to emulate them.
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Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 140 - "He didn't violate their monogamous marriage, because she ended it beforehand."

If he wants his children, grand-children and great-grandchildren to all think that he's a complete dirt-bag, then he should keep playing his dangerous game of "what she doesn't know won't hurt me."
Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 127 - "Susan B. is really arguing that SOS should accept not getting what he wants out of the relationship any longer, but continuing to give her what she wants."

I've stated several times that this is *NOT* what I'm arguing. I'm arguing for compassionate honesty in marriage - compassionate honesty in all human relationships, actually.

Self-serving coercion, manipulation and lies are non-starters for me unless, as a wild hypothetical, I were being tortured into telling some monster where he could find my 7-year-old grand-niece hiding in the house? Then I'd lie my ass off.

I guess thinking that it's unethical to lie to your spouse about a hooker habit - or to a young lover about having a penis when you don't - makes me a black-and-white thinker? Mentally broken in some fundamental way? A troll? Old-fashioned, out-of-touch, transphobic, cruel to babies and old ladies? Blah-blah-blah-blah?

Weird fans you've got here, Dan.
Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 127 - "...there is no clear-cut "right" solution..."

Of course there is. Agreeing to monogamy in marriage and then sneaking behind your spouse's back for sex is always wrong. If you don't want to be monogamous? Fine. Go forth and be HONESTLY non-monogamous. Seriously.

But LYING someone into a marriage they would not agree to if they were informed? That's pure ass-hattery of the worst kind. No question about it.
Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 121 - "I have noticed that she now seems to be against OTHER people enjoying sex, she is becoming very judgmental. There are lots of 'wrong' ways to do it, lots of 'wrong' people doing it, etc."

It sounds to me like she may be grieving what she has lost. You, too. I hope y'all can find new favorite ways to make love that satisfy both of you the way "old favorite" did.

Personally, I shopped around until I found a vibrator that guarantees me multiple multiples every, single time. No matter what else is going on now, I know that I'm guaranteed a fireworks show at the end. This has greatly reduced any anxiety or stress I had when younger, less experienced and only marginally successful at achieving orgasm with a partner.

Now I'm more willing to experiment, try things that might not be my personal favorites, indulge my partner, etc. because I know I'll never be getting all hot, sweaty, exerted and excited for a disappointing fizzle at the end.

If I want orgasms, I know that there will be orgasms - lots of them - in the very near future!
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Apr 11, 2014 Susan B Journey commented on Savage Love.
@ 107 - "What would you have him do?"

I would have him do the honorable thing, tell her that he's no longer willing to keep his marriage vows and let her decide for herself whether she's willing to renegotiate the terms of their arrangement or if she'd rather let him go.

By his dishonesty, he is depriving her of any chance of making that vitally important decision for herself.
 

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