Achieve the Four Modernizations.

nocutename
Berkeley, California
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TMI

  • Pot or Coke
  • Vampire or Zombie
  • What keeps you up at night?: the knowledge of our mortality.money problems, hot flashes
  • What song do you want played at your funeral?: I Should Have Known Better
  • No legs and a million dollars or A million legs and no dollars

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1:05 PM nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@junlucky: I thought about my ex, whom I was only with for about 8 months, daily for at least 2 years after he broke up with me. I thought /think about him occasionally for another 2 years after that, including in order to contrast him to someone I was dating or to someone I'm currently dating (in some ways he comes out more poorly by the comparison, but, alas, in some ways, I still find others falling short).

In my case, I can think about him--even pine for him--all I want and there is no possibility of rekindling a relationship, since he is the one who wanted to end it, whereas I was perfectly happy in it and didn't want to see it end, so my situation is different than yours. But I guess I wanted to say that just because it's been "nearly a year" since you've broken up with someone with whom you were involved for over two years and to whom you were engaged and you're still thinking of her daily, it doesn't mean you need to consider getting back together or that you have unfinished business or you haven't achieved "closure," or you have an unhealthy obsession. It means that the relationship meant something to you, you are mourning the loss of what you had and what you thought you had and what you hoped to have for the long haul. It means you haven't found a compelling enough distraction yet. It means you are human.

If you want to get back together, then sure, get back together (though it sounds like there were too many problems for this to ever be a harmonious and even-keeled contented relationship to me; it sounds like it will always be tempestuous and dramatic, which you might find gets old and tiresome). But don't think that just because you are still thinking about her daily almost a year after a break-up has any Big, Deep Meanning, because it doesn't necessarily.
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Jun 27 nocutename commented on White House Lights Up for Pride.
In 1979 and 1980, the White House remained un-Christmas-lighted because of the "energy crisis." Last night the White House glowed rainbow. Both times it was inhabited by decent people.

In 1985-6, I lost two friends to AIDS. I visited one in the hospital and wasn't sure if I should hug him or not. I chose not to hug him and he appeared to understand. I listened to the coming-out of another friend with trepidation, for in 1986, being a gay man sounded like you were playing a game of Russian Roulette--only with 3 bullets in the chamber instead of 1. If you didn't live through it as an adult, it's hard to imagine how scary a time it was--and I am a straight woman. In 1986, I heard preachers like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson say that AIDS was god's punishment for being gay.

In 1986, the idea that gay people could marry was unthinkable, and I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't give a lot of thought to the issue.

So much movement forward has occurred since then, and I am so joyous.

But:

In 1986, women were seen as more than walking vaginas and uteruses who should be under the control of the Christian Right. Abortion rights were strongly protected. However, the ERA had failed to be ratified in 1982, and the promise of the 1970s seemed to be slipping away. In 1986, Margaret Atwood published The Handmaid's Tale, a novel set in a dystopian future not too far-off, in which religious Christian zealots, using the threat of attack by Muslims, wrested control of the government and established a repressive tyranny, in which women were valued for nothing more than their wombs, which were utterly under the control of male leaders. It was a great book, but it read as pure fantasy.

In 1986, the second famous mass shooting happened, in Edmond, OK, (the first was two years earlier, at a McDonald's in San Ysidro, CA) at a post office. It was the origin for the term "going postal" to describe psychotic deadly rage. The incidents received a lot of press because they were so unusual, so unthinkable.

So.

Yes, we've come a long way since 1986 and some things have Gotten Better. Much better. And I'm thrilled, really I am. But some things have Gotten Worse and I fear will continue to get worse still.

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Jun 26 nocutename commented on Obama's Remarks on Historic Marriage Equality Decision.
It is a great day. It's a day that has been hard fought-for. Congratulations to everyone for that hard work; congratulations for all those who can now get married no matter where they live; congratulations to everyone whose marriage is now recognized all over the country, to those who were married* and are now simply married.

We are one messed-up nation, but today, a little less messed up.
Jun 26 nocutename commented on Up Early for the Supreme Court—Marriage Decision Could Come Today or Monday.
@80: Kim in Portland: Good to see you here. Have a whiskey and celebrate for me, please.
Jun 26 nocutename commented on Up Early for the Supreme Court—Marriage Decision Could Come Today or Monday.
Thanks, seatackled.
Mr. Ven, I think the reason that Ms. Clinton "gets" non-hetero issues better than her husband is because so much time has passed.
Jun 26 nocutename commented on Up Early for the Supreme Court—Marriage Decision Could Come Today or Monday.
70: seatakled, I'm not at my most eloquent (talking into a voicemail always makes me nervous), but the call is at 26:34 if you don't want to have to listen to the earlier part of the podcast.
Jun 26 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Lavagirl, SCOTUS stands for Supreme Court of the United States.
POTUS is the President of the United States. I believe the acronym originated with the Secret Service.
FLOTUS is the First Lady of the United State.
Jun 26 nocutename commented on Up Early for the Supreme Court—Marriage Decision Could Come Today or Monday.
This is a happy day.
A few months ago, Slate had a list of the best 25 podcasts ever, and Savage Love episode 109 from 2008 came in at #14. I'm on it--the straight caller who reminds Dan that the fight for marriage equality is not only being fought by gays, and saying that what needs to happen, what I know will happen is that this issue will go to the Supreme Court as a Fourteenth Amendment case where it will surely win.
And here we are, at that day.
My heart is so light.
Jun 25 nocutename commented on Matt Baume on Traditional Marriage.
@1 & 2: Yeah, she's funnier; but she won't reach the audience that most needs to hear this message. Probably Matt Baume won't, either, but people might listen to him for longer.
 

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