Jul 12 Sancho commented on Savage Love.
"If your ideals are more important to you than your spouse, I think you're doing marriage wrong. But you're free to disagree."

This is curiously similar to Dan's message to Sanders supporters with ideological objections to supporting Clinton - except that when it comes to politics, he leaves off the part about being free to disagree.
Mar 10 Sancho commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Drunken Demand.
This is a good time to remember the tried and true "Don't fuck anyone more fucked up than you are." This woman has a laundry list of serious problems; you do not want to be on that list.
Mar 10 Sancho commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Open Couple May Lose Close-Minded Friend.
The LW should have realized there was potential for awkwardness here: when new people show up at a regularly-held party, "So how do you know LW?" is not an unpredictable question. And the honest answer could easily test a surprised guest's social aplomb.

Also, do the LW's usual non-poly monthly guests get "affectionate" at her parties, or did her fuck-friends introduce an unexpected new element to the mix, thus startling some of the regulars? There's something disingenuous about the phrasing, "They may have been affectionate, but I didn't really notice and I personally don't think it makes a difference." I'd bet money that (a) they did, (b) the LW noticed, and (c) the LW knows it made a difference.
Mar 9 Sancho commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Open Couple May Lose Close-Minded Friend.
Strictly as an etiquette question, this one isn't that tough: the LW doesn't owe her friend an apology because her friend has not raised the subject of her departure from the party with her, much less expressed grievance or offense. Until such time as the friend brings it up, the LW shouldn't offer an apology, especially because she doesn't know exactly what it was that the friend saw/heard and prompted her departure. Unless the friend raises the subject, he LW should let sleeping dogs lie.

As far as the future of the friendship goes, either the friend will come to future parties or she won't, and only time will tell which. If she doesn't come to another one, the friendship might still function in other settings or it might not, and only time will tell that, too.
Feb 4 Sancho commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Intropervert Dumps Extropervert.
Introverted and kinky gay male here. I wouldn't have lasted as long as TOBS before pulling the plug, no matter how good the sex was. Right now TOBS is feeling lonely, so the rewards of the relationship are looking better and the irritations seem a more acceptable price of (re)admission. If they get back together, though, there's a decent chance TOBS will end up breaking up with him all over again for the same reasons (and possibly feeling guilty for having wasted both their time). I'm with the commenters who say that a relationship shouldn't be this much work after so short a time.
Nov 25, 2015 Sancho commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Thanksgiving Turkey.
This kind of expectation is exactly why, back when I was dating, guys without parents and siblings went right to the top of my list.
Nov 4, 2015 Sancho commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Invisible Man.
Wow, finally: a letter just begging for an answer from me, a 52-year old single gay professor with a Ph.D. and an acerbic sense of humor. How I've dreamed of this day!

Sadly, you're probably not going to like my answer, which is this: play the cards you're dealt (looks, money, status, wit, education, etc.) as intelligently as you can. That's all anyone can do. And if playing those cards as skilfully as you can doesn't get you the result you were hoping for (a Mr. Right or even a Mr. Right Now who corresponds sufficiently to your fantasies), then you'll know you can't blame yourself for the outcome and you can skip beating yourself up over it. The truth is, none of us gets everything in life he wants; we have to learn to be content with what we're in fact able to get. And letting the frustrated desire for what you can't get ruin your potential contentment with what you actually have is masochistic and stupid.
Aug 25, 2015 Sancho commented on Savage Love.
The extent of a person's risk and danger in having their AM enrollment exposed corresponds in direct proportion to their degree of foolhardiness in enrolling and creating a profile on their server, creating a vulnerability that would never ever expire (unlike their membership). An awful lot of people were apparently very, very foolhardy. Some of them may also have been very very lonely, very very horny, or some mixture thereof, to run those risks for the sake of what AM offered. Sometimes what we crave most desperately is exactly what we should avoid, because desperation can make us stupid.
Jul 1, 2015 Sancho commented on Savage Love.
I totally understand Venn's melancholy and how the compliment triggered it. This too shall pass, Venn; maybe read some Marcus Aurelius in the meantime. (But I don't know what "SS" means. Anyone?)

I likewise think that LW1's current relationship is most likely headed for terminal problems; this developing scenario probably will not be greeted by the current boyfriend as a glorious opportunity for shared erotic exploration, though (sadly) he won't want to lose a hot gymnast bf either and will suffer awhile first before LW1 heads off to let his narcissism graze in greener pastures.

LW2 will work everything out with more experience, as he himself realizes.
Jun 2, 2015 Sancho commented on Savage Love.
Rarely does Dan come up with a column where I have virtually no sympathy for any of the 3 LW's, but he's done it here. The degree of self-justification for bad behavior is off the charts. Maybe FACTS and SANE should get together, though.