Jan 14 sfguy commented on Savage Love.
My take on the first letter was "really?????" I live in a City with a large gay population and know plenty of white-asian gay couples. I'm married to a latino myself. I'm curious at what point a "preference" becomes a "fetish"? I've always liked latin guys, but don't fetishize them in terms of sterotypes and don't watch gay p0rn where the blacks and latinos are advertised as "thugs" since I think that whole thing is demeaning.

Could #1 be misinterpreting white guys who like him as "fetishists"? I'll admit that when I see an attractive latino it does a lot more for me than an attractive white guy, but is this a "fetish" or just simply an initial "preference"?

Dec 9, 2015 sfguy commented on When a Mass Killer Is a White Christian, He's a Lone Lunatic, but When He's Muslim, He Represents All Muslims.
I mostly agree with you, but there is a difference between terrorism and mass murder and it's not as simple as identity politics. Timothy McVeigh, and Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik were terrorists. I would argue that Dear was also a terrorist. Most mass murderers are not terrorists, though that's small consolation to the victims' families.
Nov 7, 2015 sfguy commented on Savage Love.
"" I was bored and asked for some variety, and he refused to do it." I'm calling BS. I will not believe some dude just announced "Nope! 3 Positions only!""

It doesn't go exactly like that, but I broke up with a guy after this exact same conversation. He said "OK" but then it was just same old same old. He said he "wasn't comfortable" trying anything else and by "anything else" i'm not talking fisting or scat, but something other than me behind him every single time and him resisting when trying to move him to another position.
Nov 4, 2015 sfguy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Invisible Man.
The thing about looks is that once you like someone and you get going romantically, looks and flaws melt away and all that's left is hotness. From the outside, I see lots of couples (myself and my hubby included), who I have no desire to watch engaged in the act yet if they're having half as much fun as we are then more power to them.

If you're not super buff or young, you're probably going to have a harder time getting casual sex, but in a real relationship that doesn't matter so much.
Sep 4, 2015 sfguy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: This Guy Says He Slept With Marco Rubio.
I've got to disagree with not even acknowledging someone's physical presence on a long flight. I always at least say "good morning" to my seatmate, and then put on headphones or start reading. Occasionally, someone will talk to me during snack services--which again is totally fine. I do agree, though, that if someone wants to be left alone they should be left alone. I was on flight once with Anna Deavere Smith and she looked thoroughly exhausted so I didn't say a word even though I love her in "Nurse Jackie".
May 31, 2015 sfguy commented on Supreme Court Poised to Fuck Urban America.
So are they also going to change the Senate so that states like Alabama and Wyoming with low populations won't be disproportionately represented in the Senate? Didn't think so.
Jul 3, 2014 sfguy commented on Why Public Tranportation Will Not Work Without Agressive Social Engineering.
When Transit offers time saving compared to driving, people use transit. When transit takes twice as long as driving, people don't use it. I already work a 10 hour work day. It's going to be a tough sell convincing me to trade in my reverse commute (20 minutes each way, door to door) for public transit (1 hour each way, door to door). I'm just not willing to give up 7 1/2 more hours each week to use public transit.
Sep 26, 2013 sfguy commented on Savage Love.
LW1 is right only generically regarding the intelligence factor. In my single days, I dated some guys who were dumb as stumps but great in the sack. If you're looking for a LTR, it doesn't work. If you just want fun, it's fine.

As for the money thing, while I think LW1 is arrogant, there's A LOT of relationship issues that revolve around money and denying it is asking for trouble down the road. I make 3X what my husband makes and it has caused some friction, but not about what you'd think. More about him feeling like he's not contributing as much and me having to be reassuring.

What worked for us was me saying I'd pay the mortgage and he pays the other bills, then I just pay some of them and don't tell him.

All that said, you should NEVER exclude someone from your life because you think they're beneath you in some way. Everyone has SOMETHING to offer. If you're gay, and you find true love, you're lucky. The rest of it is just noise.
Sep 18, 2013 sfguy commented on Pussy Riot '93.
I have all three and people who know me are surprised that I have the Janet Jackson album but it really is a masterpiece in its own right. Top selling pop, yes, but with an honesty and sensuality that my hubby and I still use sometimes.
Aug 21, 2013 sfguy commented on Savage Love.
The guy who lost his fingers may sound like a whiner, but I can relate. I'm a gay guy and had testicular cancer so lost one of the boys in my mid-20's. It fucked me up in the head more than in the body.

It took me a year before I would date someone, and whenever someone broke up with me I assumed that was the reason, which was stupid because people broke up with me before it happened and I broke up with them so what's the difference.

My misfortune was that I ended up dating a psycho who was hot as hell and would always say stuff like "You're lucky I put up with a defective guy like you". I don't know if there are equally cruel women out there, but DIMI should be ready just in case. My fucked up young mind just thought "oh well, this is how it's going to be" until I dumped the asshole.

It was a psychological struggle but I met the coolest guy ever BECAUSE I STARTED ACTING LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL then eventually came to believe it was no big deal then, and only then, did I stop feeling sorry for myself. Long story short, we got married when it became legal again after 15 great years together.

P.S.: GO SEE A THERAPIST DIMI. A COGNITIVE therapist can help you reprogram your brain. Shit happens to us in life that we can't do anything about. You're wasting too much time on something you can't change.

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