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Oct 14 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
@vennominon: Were I to hop the gender-queer train, it would be Madame, the sort who dispenses both punishment and sweet mercy to the naughty little boys who wander into my lair and mistakenly call me "Mistress."

Just please don't anyone demand to see my ticket.
Oct 13 WoofCandy commented on Bob Dylan Doesn't Deserve the Nobel Prize In Literature and He Shouldn't Want It.
Agree, Dylan was far too relevant to be considered a real poet.
Oct 13 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
@vennominon: And it makes a much better story if she has the self-knowledge and the good sense to know that she was never especially good at sex

You're reminding me of this recent article on VICE (1), in which a young woman reflects on the history and causes of her ambivalence towards sex and inability to have an orgasm. Ultimately, she takes responsibility.

In my experience, there's an unmistakable difference between women who's sexual fulfillment has been frustrated by incompetent or incompatible men, and women who are in some sense asexual. The fact that LW3 is throwing in the towel on her sex life rather than trying to improve it places her firmly in the latter camp for me.

That said, asexuality isn't necessarily a permanent condition. I've witnessed women (admittedly much younger than LW3) discover their sexuality for the first time, and while such epiphanies may require the right partner, I think it's bad form to leap from that dependency to the idea that past partners were somehow to blame.

(1) What a pleasant shock to find a progressive media outlet that seems to have found success by approaching human affairs from an orientation of curiosity rather than judgment.
Oct 11 WoofCandy commented on The Morning News: Authorities Sweep the Jungle, Seattle Times Editorial Board Publishes Something Heinous (Again).
Still don't get why it's so important to the Stranger that heroin addicts and alcoholics be allowed to camp wherever they want.
Oct 7 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
@SpiritualActivist: muscle testing

Lol. I once saw a "health care provider" about pain in my right jaw. He did a muscle test. He asked me to hold my right arm straight out and resist as hard as I could while he pushed it down. He then did the same with my left. The left went down much faster than the right. He told me my jaw hurt because I was "imbalanced", and he attributed this to a number of seemingly unrelated causes that could be addressed with a $1000 worth of treatment.

I offered another explanation - he had quite obviously pushed my left arm down with much more force than the right. He stammered awkwardly. I told him I was leaving and wouldn't be paying him a cent. He did not object.
Oct 6 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
@EricaP: have you tried internal condoms?

No, never occurred to me, and they don't seem to be super popular among any of the women I've known.

I can see the advantage over condoms, though - much easier to switch back and forth between fucking, sucking, spanking, rimming, smoking weed, yoga, hide and seek, eating sandwiches, and all the other activities that make up your typical fuckfest.

It would certainly feel different to be sliding in and out of a latex container as opposed to having it fixed to your cock, but no idea if that's an improvement. It would be interesting to hear any reviews.
Oct 6 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
Hi Erica. Apologies for muddling my point. I was considering two different scenarios, one of which, confusingly, is a bit of a tangent:

1) A partner who prefers condoms over other methods, and isn't willing to compromise on that preference.
2) A partner who requires condoms due to reasons beyond her control - e.g., a health issue like the one in the letter.

My point was that I view these scenarios quite differently. The reason for having to use condoms matters to me.

Scenario 1 is an easy call. I've cheerfully used condoms plenty of times - e.g., casual sex, in the early stages of relationships, missed days on the pill, during the interim between switching from the pill to an IUD, or in conjunction with natural birth control. But if a monogamous partner unilaterally chooses condoms as our sole, permanent birth control plan, then we're not a team, and I know from experience that I don't thrive in relationships where my perspective is secondary.

Scenario 2 is sad and cruel. Like I said, I'd probably soldier on, but my heart sinks at the thought of a lifetime of never again knowing the feel of real pussy.

It's hard to convey the effect that condoms have on the quality of sex (for me at least, mileage may vary with other men) to someone who doesn't have a penis. Perhaps is like fucking a man who's dick is a bit too small?
Oct 6 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
@BiDanFan: You'd rather break up than use condoms??

It's a cruel dilemma.

I can say that if a monogamous partner willingly tried to sentence me to a lifetime of condom use, I'd flee to Mexico. I'm willing to share responsibility for birth control, but if a woman believes that condoms are the only answer, that's a clear sign of incompatibility, not just sexually but philosophically. The fact that I've never actually dated such women I take as evidence that there's mutual understanding we're not each other's type.

If it wasn't a matter of choice, however, like I said, that's a cruel dilemma. Fool that I am, I'd probably give it a go even while knowing that the unhappy sacrifice would likely catch up with us eventually. :-(

I wonder if "vagina" has become the default word because it's the only part of that area many men seem to find relevant...

[ba dump tsssss!]

At least I hope that was a joke. You'd think that men who can't locate a clit would have been selected out of the gene pool by now.
Oct 5 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love.
Sad to think that a perfectly good relationship might end because the chemistry, literally, is bad.
Oct 5 WoofCandy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Counterpoint to Last Week's Tweet Storm of Advice for Straight Men.
@EmmaLiz: it was not the ideology or the disrespect or the being-a-jerk that worked, but the fact that he dressed better and went straight up to women and hit on them way more often.

It's unfortunate that PUA is often linked with disrespect, or at leased perceived to be, since they do offer useful advice .

That said, a problem for some of these struggling men is that they've put women on a pedestal. One might say there's too much respect. This makes the prospect of approaching them even more daunting, and it creates unrealistic expectations and ideas about how to appeal to them that are bound to result in disappointment and disillusionment.

The realization and acceptance that we're all just a bunch of animals, women included, can paradoxically improve the way these guys relate to women.